Some days, it feels like I’m trying to see what’s the most I can pack into a day.
That’s really not my goal, but it feels like I’m constantly prioritizing how to use my time best. I still work at least thirty hours a week as a counselor, I’m active in my little church. I volunteer every other week Wednesday night at the mission. Maybe I’ll write about that some other time. I’m trying to help my 83 year old dad figure out how to live as independently as he can while his physical body is declining. I’m trying to help my 21 year old daughter learn how to live as independently as she can, even though she’s still living under my roof.
Then of course there’s writing the memoir and blogging, both of which I love. And I need to read more and exercise more. And now I’ve decided to be in my first art show, though I only recently started getting back into painting. I’m including some of my daughter’s photography, which is really cool stuff with skulls and flowers…..
Part of me is going: What are you thinking? You don’t have time for all this!
But another, deeper part of me believes that for me to be happy, I need to follow my creative passions where they lead me.
I’m still being responsible and paying my bills. I spend less money on entertainment than most people. I get excited about making a whole meal out of leftovers. But then I do enjoy a good meal out at least once a week.
My husband and the abundance/law of attraction movements say I’ve been living in scarcity mode. I am frugal most of the time. I buy most of my clothes at thrift stores, but that’s because I like to recycle. I don’t like to waste things. It’s the least I can do for the environment.
But maybe it’s okay to want the most out of life. It’s okay to want to be a writer and an artist. To follow my dreams and expect that I will make a living doing those things some day, instead of saying, money doesn’t matter. Money does matter. I would like to be able to make a living doing what I’ve loved for as long as I can remember. I’ve put in 30 years working in a helping profession in a nonprofit agency. And I believe I’ll always make time to help others. I know it’s not all about me.
But sometimes, it’s okay to be about me.
So, when someone asks me to do something else, in addition to what I’m already doing, the question isn’t: can I cram that into my day, or week. It’s not about where can I fit that in? Sometimes I need to ask:
Will it feed my soul?
Will it nurture my spirit?
Will it give me energy to keep going?
Today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday Prompt was “most/least.” If you’d like to join in, visit:
Here are the rules:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. Have fun!