#SoCS: Family Roles and Beyond

Hero child, hands folded.

Lost child staring into space.

Scapegoat telling it like it is.

Mascot spewing comic relief.

These are the classic roles in dysfunctional families I learned about in workshops when I started working with families of addiction. In one workshop – one of the first – we were each given a big sheet of paper and told to draw a picture of our family of origin at the dinner table. Not much more instruction than that. Just go for it. Then we were asked (though I’m sure it wasn’t required) to share our drawing in front of the group of about 20 other counselor at the workshop.

I can get flashes of the drawing and remember wearing a striped dress with a belt. I remember hesitating when it came to my mother. I’m sure my dad had USMC somewhere on his visage. I said I didn’t want to be like my mother. I was afraid of being like my mother. Afraid of having nervous breakdowns. I wanted to be strong like my father. Though now I know my mother had a different kind of strength that saved my father. I was the hero child and the lost child combo. My sister was the scapegoat after she was the mascot/clown. Then after she died, I became the scapegoat.

But after all the families I’ve encountered, we weren’t that dysfunctional. We are all learning how to cope with what got to us. And we can all move to different places at the table, or move to a different table of our own choice or creation. We can step out of our assumed roles. The hero can roll in the aisle laughing a belly laugh and dance around the living room. The lost child can become grounded and focused if she chooses to. The clown can learn to cry and be okay. The scapegoat can save the day or save himself.

Or they can embrace their favorite parts of their best roles. The hero can lift herself and others may follow. The lost child creates stellar colors of music. The clown amuses those who need laughter most. The scapegoat cuts through the crap.

Each role, each component, is inside each of us. The child remains within and comes out to play in the warm sunshine. Nurture him. Hold her. Sing to him. Guide her with love. We are survivors. Strong yet fragile. Imperfectly wise. Hungry for healing, each at our own pace. Even if that pace is standing still and breathing air. Sometimes recovery is all about resting on the earth and watching the clouds. Other times, it’s dancing and leaping in faith into an ocean of love or mystery.

…

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday was roll/role.

To learn more, visit Linda G. Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/11/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-17-18/

 

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Compassion at the Gate

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “mean(s).” Use it with or without the “s,” any way you’d like. Have fun!”

I like to have that up there as a reference, even if it is stream of consciousness writing that I’m doing. I want to remember that “have fun,” part because this prompt has got me thinking all serious. Maybe I’ll work the fun part in. I don’t know because we’re not supposed to plan. That’s like telling me I’m not supposed to check the stove 3 times, lock the door, and jiggle the door knob before I leave the house.

Anyway, I was thinking about the saying that the end doesn’t always justify the means. That is especially true when the means means being mean. I don’t usually get political here on this blog. In fact, I try real hard not to. But some people are just plain mean.

Moving back to my own little world, I have felt mean when setting healthy boundaries, but that comes from years of being too nice and a people pleaser. I don’t like conflict. I’ve been saying “no” more as I get older to things that feel toxic. If someone wanted to live in my house because they had no where else to go, I’d say no – unless it was a family member who I got along well with. But it’s hard when you don’t know someone how far to let them into your space.

I’m thinking of the caravan of people who are not coming to my house. They might be coming to my country. It’s a big country full of abundance. We have to have some boundaries of course. But I keep thinking, what would Jesus want us to do? What did Jesus try to teach us about feeding the poor and helping the homeless? He and his family were refugees soon after his birth.

I know we can’t accept EVERYBODY into the country. I know we have to have rules. But I don’t want us to be mean. I mean, let’s have some compassion for people who are in trouble and not assume they are all dangerous. Let’s find out.

It’s hard. Okay. I know this is weird for an introvert to say let’s be accepting of people coming in if we can do it through the channels – let’s not close the gates, when sometimes I want to close my own gate. Let’s try to figure out how to not do it mean. Let’s not lock the gate and lose the key.

I’m sending love to all the lost souls and meanie heads out there.

It’s complicated, I know.

Speaking of gates, here are some pictures I took, looking from the outside in, at the Land of Oz which opens twice a year on Beech Mountain, NC. It wasn’t open the day we went exploring.

There’s a surveillance camera on top. We waved.

 

A horse of a different color on the other side of the fence.

It occurs to me now that I would not relish going to Oz on one of the weekends when they open because they have LINES and CROWDS which I don’t like much. But if I was in trouble and had to get out of the country (or my granddaughter really wanted to go) I’d probably go stand in line. It would be nice to go to Oz. Is the US like Oz? I know the movie was symbolic. I think I’m getting in over my head. Gonna close that gate for today.

The Stream of Consciousness Saturday Post is brought to you by Linda G. Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/11/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-10-18/

Go check it out!

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Freedom and Old Photos

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “dom.” We were instructed to “use it as a word, or find a word that starts or ends with it.” and to Have fun!

Ok, I’m going to be honest here and admit that dominatrix came to mind first. One of my earliest creative writing mentors wrote a book about that. A memoir actually. Her name is Shawna Kenney. It’s been a while since I read it, but it seems like it was relatively clean, maybe R rated, but cleaner than you might expect.

But that’s not what I want to write about. No, I don’t need a segue, cause this is the stream of consciousness. Though there might be one to freedom. I suppose a dominatrix would have a lot of freedom…. But that’s not what I want to write about. Why does that keep popping into my head?

Freedom. I have the freedom to make my own schedule in the Great Purge of the house my parents left me. I don’t get bored. No boredom once you get to be my age. I haven’t been bored in years. There’s too much to do and nothing to do would be freedom.

What works best for me is to focus on one task for the day. A primary task planned the day before. For a couple of days it was old photographs. There are, like I’ve mentioned, hundreds. Maybe thousands. I’m tired of that right now, but here’s a treasure I found of my parents on a picnic with me standing by making a face. Yes it’s blurry. It was probably taken around 1961.

Now I want to change my opening to this post, but I can’t because it’s SoCS. Just goes to show you that there’s all kinds of people in the stream. Anything can show up. Aren’t my parents cute?

Yesterday, I worked on my father’s room. The hardest room and the last bastion of the Great Purge. Except for the attic. But let’s not go there. It was hard to put some of his clothes in a bag for donation. Hopefully some one can use them.

The day before yesterday, I ripped that funky 70s contact paper off one wall of the kitchen. It was very satisfying.

Now I get to go look at paint samples to get close to the yellow that’s on the other wall. This is fun. Is it a distraction from working on the photos or my dad’s room? Sure, but it’s hopefully going to make the house easier to sell, and to live in while our other house gets a new bathroom. Is fantasizing about buying a mountain home after I sell my parents’ house – the one they don’t need anymore – is that fantasy a distraction or a motivation to complete the Great Purge?  Maybe it’s both and that’s okay.

So as not to leave you with a messy photo, how about some other old family photos I’ve come across in my work.  These are of my dad in Korea I think. Maybe after Korea. Let’s see what I’ve got. Not planning you know.  Nope this one is from Cuba. He was at GTMO after Vietnam. Where are the Korea pics?

Here are some from Korea. He was at an Able Medical Station after getting wounded. I think it was something like a MASH unit. My dad loved MASH. I found an old copy of the book here at the house and discovered an inscription that I had given it to him for his birthday in 2002. I’ve been reading it. They were crazier than in the TV show. Well, I didn’t mean to run on like this, but I guess I’m really proud of my dad.

My dad is in the top left picture  – the tall guy on the right.

Okay, one more. Here’s a favorite. Here he is getting to know Lobo, the dog I adopted while he was in Cuba (after Vietnam) and soon to retire from the Marine Corps. I haven’t gotten to the Vietnam photos yet….

For more Streams of Consciousness, visit Linda’s Blog:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-29-18/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

#SoCS Badge Contest Entry for 2018

Here’s my #SoCS badge entry for 2018. I used a photo I took at the beach. It reminds me of the tidal pools my kids used to play in when they were little, but this one was more of a stream than a pool.

The  Saturday Stream of Consciousness is buckets of fun! For more information on the contest and to see other entries, visit Linda G. Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/08/16/its-time-for-the-5th-annual-socs-badge-contest/

Quality Time and the Letter T

Our prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “T, tea, tee.” The directions are to: “Theme your post around “tea” or “tee,” or find a word that starts with “T” and talk about that. Bonus points if you manage to incorporate all three. Enjoy!”

Taking time away from the internet has been a good thing for me. Not that I went “cold turkey” or anything.  I just cut my on-line time in half (roughly) to do more household things. And I got some writing done yesterday on a Chicken Soup story, so that was good. Speaking of writing. My book starts with the letter, T. Trust the Timing. I don’t plug it that much, but I trust you won’t mind me mentioning it today. It’s about true love standing the test of time, though it (the love) went dormant for almost four decades while me and Mr. D grew up some more. Do we ever finish growing up? I don’t think so, but we can get to a point where we know what’s important. What does that mean? Maybe in ten years, I’ll think different things are important.

Time is important. It always has been. But QUALITY time today means not being on Facebook so much. It (Facebook) pulls me some days – sucks me in. I had thought about setting a timer, but haven’t done that yet. My goal was ten minutes a day. I did that for a few days, but I think it was more like twenty yesterday. Time suck. I’d rather putter around the house, taking care of plants, getting rid of clutter, and reading BOOKS! I miss reading books for fun. Remember when that’s all we had was books? Comic books and real books, no internet! Remember that? And three channels on the TV set! ABC, CBS, and NBC. I know there are a few of us left who remember that. No cell phones, no computers…. I sound like an old geezer. What is a geezer anyway? I don’t care. I don’t have time to look it up.

What about those bonus points? I already wrote a post a while back about my ecology Tee shirt that fit me to a tee in the 7tees. 🙂

My favorite tea to drink is green tea with peach flavor. Sometimes I like to drink chai tea in the winter. Jasmine tea is nice, too. Sometime, I’m going to have a cup of tea and just sit and sip it and do nothing else. I predict that will last for two minutes. Then, I’ll go outside and talk to the trees.

Do take time to visit Linda Hill’s blog and learn more about Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness. Just click the link below:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/07/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-28-18/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

 

GRRRRR. Needing Time Off-Line

The prompt for today’s Stream of Consciousness is “3-letter word.” We’re supposed to start our post with a three-letter word, and we get bonus points for ending with a three-letter word.

Did I just do that with the word, “The”? Or did, “Did” do the trick? Either way, thank you, Linda Hill, for giving us an easy peazy prompt! I have a habit of looking back over my SOCS posts and noticing I started so many paragraphs with the word, “I.” So this is good. Maybe I’ll try to start every paragraph with a three-letter word, though that could impede the flow of the stream of consciousness. We will see.

One reason I appreciate the easy prompt is that I’m really needing a break from the computer, or rather, computer technology as well as Facebook, but we’ll get to that later. GDPR is the Grrrrr factor at the moment. I don’t know by heart what it stands for, but the D is for Data. I could think up something GDPR stands for but I don’t like to take the Lord’s name in vain so I have to be careful.

GDPR is probably a very good thing on some level. It seems to be designed to protect privacy and let people know they can opt out of things. That’s why we have to accept cookies lately on WP blogs. I hope I at least did that right. I thought I had the GDPR steps done for my little, modest, cozy email list, steps that mailchimp explained. I was very proud of myself for working on it. But when I went to send an email to my list, there were no recipients in the GDPR segment! I want to give up. Throw in the towel. But I’ll probably get back to it eventually. If you’ve signed up for my list, thank you.  Hopefully you’ll get a newsletter one day, but it might be quarterly instead of monthly.

But that’s enough of that! Facebook is wearing me out, too. Sometimes I like Facebook. It’s become sort of a love/hate relationship. Being off Facebook by midnight has not always worked. I don’t even scroll anymore! Scrolling gets me in trouble. But I might miss something! Too bad. I lived most of my life without FB.

Now I’m getting ready to cut back on computer stuff for a while. Sundays might even be computer free. My plan is to continue with Good News Tuesday here on WP, cause it’s important to me, and also continue with SOCS, cause it’s fun. But I’m probably not going to do any more posts besides those two for a couple weeks, maybe even the month of July, which is probably two weeks. As far as FB goes, I’m going to check my messages, my kids pages (resisting the urge to comment on every post)  and maybe check one of two people who always make me feel good. Almost always. There’s good stuff on the internet.

But Twitter, Ugh.

Why am I all of a sudden getting FB friend requests (and Twitter followers) who are unknown single men with no mutual friends? I’m happily married! Leave me alone! Yeah, so you can see why I want to take a break and cut back on my computer time. There are plenty of household projects to do. Who knows, maybe I’ll take a trip! 🙂

See ya, Tuesday with some good news!

The End.

 

PS: The mini rant about FB is about my personal page and not my author page. Everyone is free to follow and like that one!

For more Streams of Consciousness starting with 3-letter words, visit Linda at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/07/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-14-18/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Doodle Bug and Other Silly Nicknames for Dogs

Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt is, “bug.”

The first thing I thought of was Doodle Bug. That’s one on the nick names for our Treeing Walker (problem child) coon hound.

Her original name was Dixie Doodle. Well,  she probably had a name or two before that because David rescued her starving self when she was two.  Dixie Doodle, quickly became Doodle. A year or two ago, I started calling her Doodle Bug. I think there was a mom who called her toddler Doodle Bug years ago. What’s a doodle bug anyway? Just a sec. while I google doodle bug……. A larva of an ant-lion. And they’re not that cute. Except maybe to a mama ant-lion which are pretty like a dragon fly but very predatory.

Did I just see there’s a doodle bug song? Be right back…. Well, there is more than one doodlebug song. Both cute as you can imagine. If you like silly humor, this one will get your inner child dancing.

Okay. I realize I sort of stepped out of the stream of consciousness. But not really. I kept you informed. It was like a side stream, a detour.

My plan was to write about how nick names develop, especially with dogs. David calls Doodle Bone Head. That’s because he doesn’t want to be so deeply attached. Too late! And he knows it. But sometimes he calls her Doodle Bug, too. When I’m annoyed with her, I call her Doodle Head or Crazy Head.

 

Our little mutt, Marigold, named by my daughter 16 years ago, became Mary, then Mary Moo, then Mary Moodle (There’s a song I made up that goes “Mary Moodle, you’re not a poodle,” …. but that’s too silly. We also call her Moodle, or Moo Moo, or Mary Mack.

In case you didn’t know it, I’m crazy about dogs. AND I just found out my story about Jesse is going to be in this anthology: GONE DOGS, about dogs who’ve crossed over the rainbow bridge. Mary and Doodle are all we have left of the five dogs (two of mine and three step-dogs) from when David and I reconnected in 2011. I’m so happy to be able to honor Jesse’s memory in this book which should be out by Christmas.

Jesse didn’t  have as many nick names. Jesso, Jetz, and Jesse Boy are the only ones I recall. He was my boyfriend, my best friend, especially during the single, celibate years. Here’s a picture you might have seen before of Jesse howling (to a siren) with Mary Moo in the background several years ago.

…

This is David and I walking the pack back in 2013.

Mary Moo, Jesse Boy, Oreo, Beep, and Doodle Bug

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you by Linda G. Hill. Visit her at the link below for more SoCS posts!

https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/22/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-23-18/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!