SoCS: Heartbreak, Healing, Angels, and Goats

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “heart.” Use it any way you like. Have fun!

I’m almost finished reading Glennon Doyle’s book, Untamed, which I think was recommended by Laura at https://riddlefromthemiddle.com/ (Correct me if I’m wrong, Laura.) It’s been a while since I am probably the slowest reader in bloglandia. The book has lots of gems about relationships with self and others and being true to ourselves. A couple nights ago, I read about purpose. She wrote that whatever breaks your heart, that is where your purpose lies. (I’m paraphrasing from memory.)

She listed my heartbreakers in her examples: animal cruelty and environment. This doesn’t mean I have to save every animal and the planet as I had hoped from the idealism of adolescence. Anything is possible, but we can at least do our part in our own little corner of the planet to heal what breaks our hearts.

If another person breaks our hearts, finding our bigger purpose helps along with crying and pampering ourselves. Small steps, small tasks of healing are okay. Because we have to take care of ourselves, too.

“Follow your heart but take your brain with you,” is a quote in my short book about finding a healthy relationship. (See sidebar) We need both heart and brain to make good decisions.

…

(I wrote the above yesterday afternoon, thinking maybe that was it for this SoCS. Good enough.)

A few hours later, I watched PBS news about the earthquake in Syria and Turkey that has killed many thousands of people. (23,000 people.) I watched a father crying, heartbroken, at the death of his child. He said they were used to missiles from planes – acts of war, but this was an act of God.

I don’t believe God would do this. But I don’t really know. Would God allow this to happen? An age-old question. There are heartbreaks we can do little about. But we can, at the very least, pray. Watching the father crying for his lost child, I wanted to put my arms around him and prayed for angels to hold him in his grief which cannot be removed, but maybe can be softened a tiny bit.

We have natural endorphins in our bodies that help reduce pain. Our physical pain would be worse without those natural endorphins that go away if replaced repeatedly with synthetic drugs/opiates which may then lead to withdrawal. Maybe if the angels didn’t hold us in our grief, the emotional pain would be worse. It’s bad enough that we have earthquakes and floods. Humans need to stop killing each other.

Sigh. What can we do? Our part is all. Do small things with great love, like Mother Teresa said. Be kind. Pray for the wounded and grieving. Thank the angels.

A painting I did several years ago

At Blueberry Lane Farm Animal Sanctuary, I don’t do much. Just cut up produce for Thursday lunch and feed it to the pigs and chickens. Then I go hang out with the old lady goats. This past week, I also went on Monday since some volunteers were out of town. Seeing me twice in one week, the old lady goats, Esther and Delilah, came to me on Thursday, wanting me to brush them and pet them, even after they knew I didn’t have any more carrots. Delilah has never done that before. So, I sat between them and brushed them and pet them which turned into giving them mini massages…. with great love.

I don’t know why this picture of Esther and Delilah got so small. I don’t remember cropping it.

Please click on the picture to see the sweet old goats.

goats

Sanctuary Angel at the Goat Barn

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For more about Stream of Consciousness Saturday,

visit our host with heart, Linda Hill

by clicking HERE.

One-Liner Wednesday: Can I Bring a Friend?

 

If the world ends

And we follow Jesus to the New Earth,

Can Gaia come too?

 

Please help us save her

Cause I really got a thing for Mother Earth.

She means the world to me.

 

PS:

My sci-fi escapes

to strange new worlds

are just pretend.

Planet B

Is far, far away.

Earth is home.

~~~

One Liner Wednesday is brought to us by Linda Hill. For more one-liners, visit, Linda HERE.

The Angel Disguised as a Nurse (Remembering My Sister on her Birthday)

In January, my great niece messaged me on Facebook from California. She asked me to send photos of my sister, Mary Kaye who died on her 16th birthday. In 1975, Mary Kaye, her boyfriend, and a friend were on their way to a restaurant for the birthday dinner, when a drunk driver ran into their car. My sister’s boyfriend was killed instantly. Mary Kaye died at the hospital. Their friend survived.

With gratitude, I sent several photos of Mary Kaye to my niece and hinted at my curiosity for her interest. My niece told me that her daughter (my great niece who I’ll refer to as D) had recently come home from the hospital after being seriously injured in a car accident. The following events were sent to me through messenger from D and my niece, M.

No family members had been allowed to go to the hospital to see D due to Covid. She felt scared and alone as the nurses prepared her for surgery. Then D saw one nurse standing nearby, not doing anything, just watching her. The nurse didn’t have a name tag on, she was just standing there, so beautiful and smiling at her. It made D feel safe. When she got out of surgery she saw the same nurse again, just standing there smiling at her. She didn’t think much about it but told her mom about the special nurse after she got home.

When D came home from the hospital, she still had a lot of healing to do and struggled with the loss of her friend who died in the accident. D and her mom were lying in bed looking at my pictures on Facebook. When D saw a picture of my sister Mary Kaye, she started crying.

“That’s her! That’s the nurse!” she said.

The nurse standing by to give comfort with her beautiful smile looked exactly like my sister Mary Kaye. We believe it was Mary Kaye, an angel disguised as a nurse.

…

Today is my sister’s birthday. If she had lived, Mary Kaye would be 64 today. As a teenager, she volunteered at a group home for handicapped children. In the third photo, she’s wearing her yellow and white striped volunteer uniform. If she had lived, I believe Mary Kaye would have been a nurse or worked with children. I am thankful to know that her spirit is alive and well.

My Review of The Twisted Circle by Rosaliene Bacchus

Spiritual Courage in the Face of Toxic Harassment

The Twisted Circle tells the story of Sister Barbara, a nun who has just transferred to a convent in the northern jungle region of Guyana to teach school. Like the other nuns, she cares very much about the students. Her sudden promotion to the position of headmistress of the school infuriates the antagonist, Sister Francis, a white woman from the US, who believes she has more experience. Sister Francis has an inappropriately close relationship with the priest, Father Goodman. She thinks of him as more than a friend and is very possessive of him. I find the choice of names (Francis and Goodman) interesting, perhaps supporting the realization that people are not always as pious as they appear.

It’s helpful that we get to read the thoughts of both Sister Barbara and Sister Francis. The additional perspective allowed me to see Sister Francis as more than jealous and spiteful. Her journal entries reveal that the antagonist is overcome by paranoid delusions. This of course does not excuse her behavior as she attempts to destroy Barbara’s reputation. Reading as a white woman from the US, it was humbling and enlightening to experience Francis through the eyes of Barbara who is of East Indian and African heritage and often referred to, by herself and others, as Black.

Barbara struggles with self-doubt but shows admirable courage as she strives to do the work God has given her to do in a toxic environment of conflict, betrayal, and sexual harassment from men in religious and political authority. We feel how sad and frustrating it is that her colleague, Francis, craves the attention of a man at the expense of integrity. If Barbara and Frances could have been friends, they would have been able to support each other, but Francis’ twisted delusions prevented this. Meanwhile, the nuns in charge of the convent do not want to challenge the patriarchy or reveal its secrets.

Despite the lack of support from the church, Barbara remains faithful to God and finds comfort in the beauty of nature. When she stops to admire a velvet rose, she thinks, “God had to be a woman to create such beauty.” She also finds comfort in the forest spirits believed to live in the surrounding jungle. She shows spiritual maturity in her devotion to God while being open to the message she receives from the forest spirit to “walk in the light of the moon goddess, … feel the wind caress (her) weary body” … and “refresh (her) wounded spirit in the bosom of Mother Earth.”

While Sister Barbara, being a well-developed character, is not perfect, I greatly admire her strength and perseverance and enjoyed cheering her on as I read the book. I also admire the author Rosaline Bacchus, a former nun and a native of Guyana, for bringing us this story with compassion and courage. It is an enlightening story that nudges spiritual growth.

To see more about The Twisted Circle on Amazon, click HERE.

Visit the author’s blog HERE.

“Monumental Glimmers”

Marsh in the Afternoon by JoAnna of the Forest

“Monumental gimmers”
Hint at possibility
fleeting yet never ending.

It’s been well over a year, maybe two, since I read the words, “monumental glimmers” on Trini Lind’s blog and apparently added the next two lines. I wish I could remember which of Trini’s posts they came from. Her words spoke to me of glimpses we get of something big and beautiful beyond our understanding, one of those magical things waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

Speaking of beautiful, I hope you will Trini’s blog: https://pathsofthespirit.wordpress.com/

I’m sharing this as part of One-Liner Wednesday and Just Jot it January hosted by the enduring and endearing, Linda Hill. For details, click HERE.

Who But You…

Today’s prompt: “start with who/whom” Begin your post with either “who” or “whom” and go from there. Have fun!

“Who but you

could breathe and leave a trail of galaxies

and dream of me?

What kind of love

is writing my story until the end

with mercy’s pen?

That’s how the song starts that I will be singing Sunday morning in church, God willing. The song is “Alive,” as recorded by Natalie Grant. I hope I can do it some kind of justice and not get lost in the feeling, because I love this song. I love the words and the music, the rhythm and how it crescendos and softens.

Tomorrow will be the first time since Christmas that we’ve been inside the church for a regular service. We’ll be wearing masks and keeping safe distance, though I will not be wearing a mask when I sing. I’ve tried, and it’s too hard to get enough air on the inhale. But I’ll be tucked away in a corner behind the altar, at least 10 to 20 feet from anyone, I hope. All the rest of our music will be instrumental on the organ. I am honored, but mostly I hope people can feel the song.

Imagine the deep sadness, the agony Mary Magdalene felt watching Jesus die. Whether you believe Jesus was and is the divine son of God, or just a man who lived and was killed for his revolutionary ideas about love and equality, it was painful for those who loved him to watch him die. Imagine Mary Magdalene going to take care of his body in the tomb, wanting so badly to see him, but knowing he his dead since that dark day, the darkest day she has ever known.

Then, she sees him, and he is alive! I love how this video with the song shows her joy and the awe of the men she goes to tell about this miracle, that Jesus is alive!

I’m sure I’ve shared this song before, but this is where the stream has taken me today. May you feel joy and awe at this story and being alive!

Death has lost and love has won.

…

For more streams of consciousness and SoCS rules, visit our host, Linda Hill at:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS April 3, 2021 | (lindaghill.com)

SoCS: With all the Infinite Possibilities, Choose Wisely

Our prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “sky’s the limit.” Write about something that has or seems to have no end. Enjoy!

Doesn’t everything have an end? Or maybe nothing has an end, it’s just transformed. There’s a law in physics that goes like, matter/energy can not be created or destroyed. That has stuck with me ever since I heard it in high school. This law suggests something about life after death. Our spirits have no end, in my belief, they may transform in the type of energy that goes on while our bodies decompose. Isn’t that cheerful?

Possibilities never end. Choices never end. There will always be choices for somebody, some being, even if the choices are made by amoebas or angels. Some organism or entity will exist in some form. But this is a bit esoteric. No, that’s not the word. But I do like how it sounds. Abstract maybe. Let’s move on.

“Infinite possibilities” is something that caught my attention in the following video offered by North Carolina representative Graig Meyer in responding to the attack on the capitol. I watched it Friday morning and was impressed by his sense of hope in how to respond to the craziness. I suppose if I watched it again to comment further, that would cross the line on minimum planning. If you’re interested in the question of how to respond and healing, you could visit my post from yesterday as well.

One of the main things I’m feeling right now is frustration at people who reinforce the divide. I have to look at myself though and notice if I ever do this. The goal is to bridge the divide. Don’t pour fuel on the fire. Put water on the fire. Water seems to have no end when you’re standing at the edge of the ocean, but you know what? Water is finite. Use it wisely. We need to use our words wisely. With all the infinite possibilities of word combinations, we need words of hope, peace, and cooperation.

…

PS. Okay, I went back and watched the video again after I finished writing this post, and I recognize he’s addressing North Carolina democrats directly. If you’re not a NC Dem, I hope you can overlook that part and glean something good from his message. I don’t think we need to get everybody to agree, we need to learn to disagree with respect, compromise, and find common ground.

For more streams of consciousness, rules and possibilities, visit our host, Linda Hill at:

The Friday Reminder for #SoCS & #JusJoJan 2021 Daily Prompt – Jan. 9th | (lindaghill.com)

SoCS: Magnets, Manifesting, and the Star

Today’s prompt is the word, “magnet.” We get to use it any way we want and of course, enjoy!

Magnet reminds me of, magi, as in the three magi who saw the star over Bethlehem. One reason this came to mind is that I’m excited and hopeful about the great conjunction happening over the next few days. Saturn and Jupiter are going to be aligned in such a way that they look like a very bright star. This hasn’t happened in a long time like (okay I had to peek) not since the year 1226. It’s kinda the same thing that happened at the time of the star of Bethlehem. I’ve written about this before and refer to the documentary The Star. I wonder if that will pop up as a related post. We’ll see….

The upcoming conjunction is going to be visible from all over the world. I think that’s what the article said. You can read more about it, here. In the northern hemisphere, Dec. 21st is the easiest day to see it (in a clear sky) in the west near the horizon at twilight.

December 21 is the anniversary of my deceased parents. I’ve been writing about them in my family history maybe a novel some day, Betty and Jim. Takes me back to my childhood. Remember those games where you put hair or a mustache on the bald guy using a magnet? What was that called?

Wooly Willy! Really? I don’t remember the name, just giving him hair with the magnet.

Magnets. The possibilities are endless. They seem like magic. The conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter might seem like there’s something pulling them together, but it’s really a matter of timing and position. Timing. Trust it. Focusing on what we want, good thoughts, are like magnets, drawing things to us. If those things are meant to be ours. So, we need to catch ourselves when we are thinking negative thoughts. Sometimes I catch myself worrying or imagining something I DON’T want and say, “Stop it!” Then I have to go back and imagine what I DO want. It’s surprising how often this happens.

Imagining a compatible partner drew him to me like a magnet. But not until the time was right and we were ready.

Imagine what you want for the year ahead. Health. Peace. Traveling safely. Having fun painting and writing. Joyful relationships….. Draw these to you like a magnet.

I also thought about this song when I saw the prompt: “Magnet and Steel”

I wish there was a Christmas song about a magnet. I bet someone somewhere got a Wooly Willy for Christmas once upon a time.

Here’s one of my favorite Christmas song about a star by the lively and impressive Angel City Chorale:

For more streams of consciousness, rules, and fun, visit our SoCS host, Linda Hill at:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Dec. 19/2020 | (lindaghill.com)

Thursday Tree Love: Close Encounter with Tall Pine

“…there can be occasions when we suddenly and involuntarily find ourselves loving the natural world with a startling intensity, in a burst of emotion which we may not fully understand, and the only word that seems to me to be appropriate for this feeling is joy”
                                                                                       ― Michael McCarthy

The vast network of roots

covered in hummus

provided cushioned support

Strong yet giving

So that each step along the trail

reverberated a soft drum beat

To my heart

As the river played along.

Old granite offered security

when the trail narrowed

or became steep while

Trunks and branches gave balance.

A tree called to me

Not with words or sounds

But reaching out in the cool breeze.

I laid hands on the rough bark

Sharing energy, healing,

Knowing without words

The power, the stability

Of this old, but not so old

Sentinel of the river forest.

I leaned into the power,

Inhaling its gifted oxygen.

Then let my eyes

Travel up, up, up

to the crown in the sky

Blessed with golden light.

My spirit filled with new life

My heart wanted to to stay forever

In wild communion.

Thursday Tree Love is hosted by Parul Thakur on the second and fourth Thursday of each month. For more tree love, visit:

#ThursdayTreeLove – 95

Doctors Did Not Expect Her To Live

Here’s today’s SoCS prompt from our hostess, Linda Hill:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “fab.” Use it as a word or find a word beginning with “fab.” As always, use any way you’d like. Have fun!

I don’t know if I’m going to have fun with this, but I will have … meaning? I have a story I want to tell. I will not fabricate it. It’s a true story about my friend, Fleming. On the day you read this, if you read it Saturday, I’ll be going to Fleming’s funeral. That feels final. And sad. But it’s not really final because she has a spirit that is alive and well.

When Fleming was born, the doctors did not expect her to live more than a few days. She was born with spina bifida. Back in those days, babies with her condition and severity were not expected to live long.  The doctor told her family to leave her at the hospital.

A couple of weeks after she was born, the hospital called her mother and told her that Fleming was still alive and they could take her home. They did not do surgery because she was still not expected to live long. That was the way it was back then in that hospital anyway. So Fleming came home.

She told me that her mother saw her two brothers in her room standing at the crib one day. I think it was late in the day. They were being quiet and her mother did not disturb them but later asked what they were doing. They told her they were saying prayers with their sister and laying their hands on her.

Fleming’s mother did extensive research on her daughter’s condition. She changed the dressing on her back every day.  She wrote a letter to a hospital in… I don’t recall where, another state, maybe it was Pennsylvania or Virginia – where they specialized in helping children with spina bifida. She got a letter back from a doctor there who let her know they had had good success with surgery and that she should make the doctors in Durham do the surgery to close Fleming’s back.

I’m writing this from memory about what Fleming told me, so I hope it’s accurate. I met Fleming about three or four years ago through Cursillo, which is an intensive weekend of classes on Christian leadership and lots of folksy music at Trinity Center.  We met at the closing service which is open to everyone and went to dinner with a group afterward. Over the next year or so we became friends. I saw pictures of Fleming when she was a child on crutches. She had the same bright smile. Later she had to get a wheel chair, but she remained independent. Fleming graduated from high school, went to college, worked as a substitute teacher and volunteered with terminally ill children for many years. She was very active in her church, especially with youth programs. Fleming made a lot of friends, and I am very honored and privileged to have become one of them.

The doctors had told her mother she wouldn’t live long and would be “a vegetable.” What a horrible thing to say. But Fleming lived 51 years. She lived a life full of love and spirit. Fleming and I got closer as we talked about the loss of our parents. She helped me with both of my estate sales. Just to get a visual glimpse of who she was, this was her last Facebook profile picture:

Fleming lived a rich life. I will miss her and the things we didn’t get to do and talk about. When I think about her life, I think about it as a rich fabric. That reminds me of the song by Carole King. Tapestry. The first and last stanzas of the song are fitting. The rest of it’s always been enigmatic.  So here’s the first verse.

“My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold.”

                                                                                                   Carole King

Fly free Fleming. Run, dance and be happy.

…

For more info on SoCS, visit:

https://lindaghill.com/2019/04/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-6-19/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!