Today’s prompt for Just Jot it January is, “Looking.” Thanks, for the prompt, Di. And thanks to our host, Linda Hill, for keeping the January Jotting going!
The first thing that came to mind was when I decided to stop looking for my soul mate. It was the year 2011, in January. What if it was January 20? That would be a hoot. I’d been married for 20 years and divorced for about 10. There were two unhealthy, stressful relationships followed by five years of unplanned celibacy when I wondered why no one interesting was interested in me. I had described to God what I was looking for, but it wasn’t happening.
The on-line dating scene was not working at all, and neither was going to community events where I hoped to find someone with common interests. But maybe the community events were working in the sense that I was going for me and reclaiming my interests as well as meeting new friends with common interests.
So, in January of 2011, I was looking at some on-line dating site and got disgusted with shallow, adolescent minded men my age looking for younger women. I tried to be cynical, but that only worked sometimes. I promised myself that I would stop looking, especially online, until my daughter graduated from high school in June. Then maybe I’d have some adventures of my own.
The two of us took a mother-daughter trip by train to my hometown of Washington DC. We stayed with friends, rode the subway and went to museums. My daughter graduated on the first Saturday in June. On the Monday after that, I found a Facebook message from my long-lost high school sweetheart. It had been 39 years since we’d had any contact. He’d been living in New England all that time and was working as a fire fighter/EMT. More importantly, he had three dogs! Must love dogs was on the top of my soulmate list!
Well, to fast forward, we got married on December 1, 2012. (We thought about 12/12/12, but that was a Wednesday.) Want to read the whole story? Click on my book cover for Trust the Timing, on the right side bar above.
19722011 Second First DateDecember 1, 2012Must Love Dogs20162018
Reverend Patti Mary asked this question in her sermon on Sunday. I thought she was quoting Curtis Almquist since she had referred to his book The Twelve Days of Christmas, Unwrapping the Gifts. The question, “Has gratitude ever kept you awake at night?” was not in his chapter on gratitude, so maybe it was from Almquist, or maybe it was from Patti Mary.
My answer is, gratitude has not kept me awake for long, so I need to count my blessings when worries and questions are doing summersaults in my heat at 2AM.
What I did find in the chapter on gratitude, was Almquist quoting Rilke:
“I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to live the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms of books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live therm. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” (Rainer Maria Rilke)
Oh, I’ve noticed it living into the answer, I just need to remember to trust the timing.
Live the questions, but don’t let them keep you awake at night.
One Liner Wednesday is hosted by Linda Hill who is a blessing. For more one-liners visit Linda’s post here.
“Greetings to you! After many years, I hope you are well. Take care and be safe!“
That was the Facebook message I read on June 14, 2011. The last time I’d seen David was on the last day of school in 1972 when he kissed me goodbye and moved 700 miles away. I’d written him four letters. He’s written back twice and did not answer my last letter that summer. Life went on.
On June 14, 2011, I answered David’s FB message as I tried so slow my hopeful heart:
“Wow! I knew it was really you when I saw Jethro Tull in your favorite music. What sweet memories. I am well, for 55 anyway. My profile picture is from the reunion we had in Sept with Sally, Terry and Caroline, after many years of no contact. It’s so nice to get your message. Hope you are well and safe too!“
My profile picture back then looked like
His profile picture was an airport runway.
So I pictured him from my tenth grade yearbook:
David 1972. I did remember him!
People can change a lot in 39 years. I wondered what he looked like. He tells me now he was very busy in June of 2011. Maybe that’s why he took six whole days to message me back with:
“Would you mind if I called you sometime? I would really like hear from you. A lot of catching up!”
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Want to read more about our true love story? Want to know what happened in those 39 years and what it took for us to be ready to find love again? Trust the Timing, a Memoir of Finding Love Again is written from both our perspectives. Find it HERE on my Amazon author page.
Sometimes late is late. I have to admit that up front, because I tend to run late. I stay up late. I like to sleep late. I was a late bloomer. Often I’ll get to a WP neighbor’s blog post late, but it seems to be right when I needed to read it. I was generally on time for work – thank God I don’t have that obligation anymore. I’m on time for doctor appointments which I try to schedule in the afternoon. I’m on time for church since my husband is a morning person and my awareness that he likes to be early nudges me along.
We were both in our 50s when the love of my life found me again. That seems late in life, but it was right on time. I had promised myself I’d stop looking for a partner until after my daughter graduated from high school. The day after her graduation ceremony is when my high school sweetheart found me again. It took 39 years of learning and growth for us to be ready to meet again. (Click my book cover on the sidebar if you want to learn more.)
I’m planning to share the FB message David sent me on Sunday or Monday. He says he sent it on Sunday June 13, 2011. FB says June 14. I’ll probably go with David. He’s always on time.
JoAnna’s brain kept nagging her. Be careful! People are on their best behavior when you first meet them.
But this isn’t the first time we’ve met him, said her heart.
A lot can change in 39 years. Yeah, he was a good guy when you dated in high school, but who knows what he might really be like now. For all we know, he could be a —-
“Don’t go there,” JoAnna intervened before her brain’s imagination ran down the dark road. “Let’s just wait and see. What we do know is that he has been working as a firefighter and EMT for the past 15 years. That should at least count for something. I’m taking it slow.”
I’ve heard that before, said her brain.
Shush! said her heart. Last night was wonderful. He was a perfect gentleman. Our second first date…. And that kiss….. our second first kiss…. it was divine. This was meant to be. You know, there’s the timing. And we’ve had all those phone conversations. He drove all the way down here from Connecticut!
Well, just remember, JoAnna, said her brain, “Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.” The brain really should be in charge anyway. You know how much trouble the heart has gotten you in to. Not to mention the body….
“Enough!” JoAnna said. “I’ve got to get some sleep! Big day tomorrow.”
On their second second date, David and JoAnna went to the beach to watch the summer sunset. She leaned back against his strong chest and felt the comfortable security of his well-muscled arms wrapped around her. She kept both her heart and brain quiet as they watched the golden light spread across the horizon and reflect on the intracoastal waterway. David continued to be a perfect gentleman which the brain and heart both liked, though the body was slightly annoyed.
Sunday was their last day together before David returned to Connecticut. After church, they sat on the couch in JoAnna’s living room. They talked very little and mostly absorbed the weekend and each other’s presence. JoAnna placed her head on his shoulder then lifted her nose to his neck. She inhaled deeply. The result was intoxicating.
“You smell good,” She murmured. “Are you wearing any cologne or anything?”
“No. I guess it’s just me.”
She lifted his hand and smelled the inside of his wrist. It smelled good, too, but not as good as his neck. Her nose lingered just below his ear as she continued to breath deeply falling under the spell of his pheromones. It started to dawn on her. He had been her first boyfriend back in 1972. His smell had been imprinted on her brain.
This could be dangerous, whispered her brain.
Just shut up and enjoy it, her heart said dreamily.
We have to stick together, said her brain. Don’t go anywhere without me.
Yeah, whatever.
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If you’d like to read more about the romance of JoAnna and David and what it took for them to find each other after 39 years, read Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again, or the short version, From Loneliness to Love. Just click on the books in the right sidebar above.
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Today’s Just Jot January prompt was the word, “spell.” For more jottings and info, visit our host, Linda Hill at:
Here’s something different for a Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt: The word is, “want.” Make the word “want” the first, second, or third word of your post. Have fun!
I didn’t want to want a man in my life.
The divorce had strangled my heart – figuratively, and acid reflux made me think I was having a heart attack. The rebound from hell should have made me swear off romantic relationships. Rebound number 2 was better, but still stressful. I couldn’t relax with him, even after three years. Men were too much stress. The little bit of romance and security was not worth the headaches and stomach aches.
So I asked God to take away the desire for a partner. Then, as an afterthought, I said, “or send me a good one.”
And eventually, when the time was right, God did just that. (God didn’t take away the desire, though I relaxed a bit just turning it over.) God sent me a good one. Not perfect, but maybe perfect for me – allowing me to work on my issues and him to work on his issues, and the little bit of (normal) stress is totally worth the abundance of security and compatibility.
The long version is my memoir, Trust the Timing. But I’m also working on a short version, called From Loneliness to Love, Five Steps for Finding a Healthy Relationship. It’s almost ready for publication. Just when I think I’ve got it all lined up, there’s a formatting issue that pops up between the uploading and the proofing. I guess I need to keep plugging away and trust the timing.
I want it to all fall into place, which happens occasionally, though not as often as I want. A friend of mine told me, “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.” If you want something really bad and it’s not happening, don’t force it. Don’t give up, but try something a little different, take a break, take up a hobby. If it’s meant to happen, it will.
When David was 15 and moved far away, the lady I babysat for told me, “If you are meant to be together, you will be.” It stopped my tears and gave me hope. Life went on and on. David became a sweet but distant memory. Then, 39 years after we said goodbye in 1972, he found me again. Now he is my life partner. The good one. Not forced, but falling into place.
We are all waiting to see what will happen in the world and in our lives. But we are not alone and never were.
Don’t force it. Trust the timing.
I’m still learning that one.
This is for all the lonely people.
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For more Streams of Consciousness, visit our host, Linda Hill at:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
“Use the word, call or any word that contains those letters in that order.” That’s our prompt for today’s Stream of Consciousness.
“Calling Your Soulmate Home” was the title of my work in progress, but since it’s a How to book, I’m probably going with, How to Find Your Soulmate While Loving Yourself. It’s the short (recipe) version of Trust the Timing, the recipe I didn’t plan, but the one that worked to bring my soulmate home to me.
Calling your soulmate home sounds like he left and you want him to come back, like he just went out for a while and you’re calling him home for dinner. So, Finding Your Soulmate might be easier to understand as a title.
Here’s a quick preview of the table of contents:
Clarify Your Heart’s Desires
Request Help from the Divine
Learn to Love Yourself
Focus on Friendship
Imagine the Best
It’ll be a short book, like I said, a recipe that worked for me. But it could also work for other things besides finding (or calling home) a soulmate. It could work for finding the best job, a new home, peace of mind, whatever your heart desires most.
It took a while for my soulmate to hear my call, for him to find me, but that’s because we were both still getting ready – learning the lessons we needed to learn – to work on our stuff together. Sometimes it takes a while for the call to reach the one and for the one to be ready.
Today’s prompt also conjured up this musical. I remember my parent’s watching it when I was a young child and thought it was the corniest thing. Maybe I wasn’t that young if I thought it was corny. Anyway, they must have watched it more than once because it sure stuck in my head. I think the following version is from a re-make of the original black and white movie, Rose Marie. I like the setting. And today, I can appreciate their voices, even though I don’t usually like opera. It’s more of a musical than an opera.
For more Streams of Consciousness, or to add your own stream, visit our host, Linda Hill by clicking the link below:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
Last week, I worked on cleaning out my attic. It was a dirty, sneezy job. I hauled paper and cardboard to the recycle bin, trashed the un-recyclables, and salvaged the action figures for my grandsons.
But the coolest thing I found in the attic was my poetry notebook from high school.
One poem written in 1972 is “prophetic” as my husband called it. David’s family moved away at the end of tenth grade. I must have written this right after he left, hoping against the odds that I would see him again and believing our love would stay alive.
I was so full of hope at 16. Angsty hope. But David didn’t answer my last letter that summer of ’72, and life went on. Over the years, my first love became a distant memory.
If I’d found this notebook in my 30s, I would have shaken my head and thought, “How sappy.” But now, it reinforces that this love story was meant to be. Our love never died. It just went dormant and waited quietly for 39 years.
You can read about those 39 years and the lessons we learned along the way in
Did I really know our love would stay alive? Or did I help manifest our re-connection? Was it all part of God’s plan? Did the angels see a window of opportunity and nudge us in the right direction?
I vote for all of the above.
Oh, how I wish today’s teenagers only had learning and love to deal with.
Anything is Possible! 