Waiting, Singing, Not so much Thinking.

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Waiting. That’s what I seem to be doing lately. At least in my head. I’m busy as ever. But my mind is focused on something that might happen in the future. Now that I think about it, there is more than one big thing I’m waiting for. Exciting things, energizing things, things that could make very big changes in my life. (I should have written: life changing things.) Oh, stream of consciousness. So tempting to edit. I’ve been a rule follower all of my life. I’m tired of it sometimes. But I still follow the rules, mostly, but not always. That scares me to write that. I’m going to get caught. Stop it!

Back to… what was it…..? Waiting. For things I can’t reveal right now. Things that may not happen for a few months, or several months even, but within a year.

So, what to do when I’m thinking too much in the future. I do think too much sometimes. When the thoughts are not helpful, like… am I getting a cold or is this just allergies? or other worse thoughts that I’m not going to write, because they are not happening and why give them any more thought? What I do sometimes that works really well, is SING!

I love to sing. I’ve loved singing since I was about 11 years old and listened to the sound track of the Sound of Music over and over and over again. That’s how I learned to sing.

But I rarely sang in front of people, outside my inner circle, my ring of comfort, for singing, was small, until I was in my 40s – when I started going to a church that had contemporary praise music, and they invited me to sing with them after I went to a rehearsal and they knew I could sing. I eventually learned more guitar chords and sang and played guitar on the little stage. It was not a huge congregation, but anyway, it got me more comfortable singing in front of people. Now, I still get nervous in front of a new group, and I have to work harder to keep my voice in shape since I’m almost 60 (!) another thing that will happen in just a few months, wait, it’s in just over two months! My, how time flies.

My point is, that it’s never too late to become what you might have been. I don’t like to watch those shows on TV where amateurs compete with their talent, because it makes me feel like I could have been a professional singer. But I needed to learn some things first. Plus I want to be an artist and a writer. Correction. I am an artist and a writer!

So, while I wait for those things that I anticipate with excitement, I can sing to keep myself in the present moment. I find singing to be soothing. Singing to myself, with the radio, or a video, especially.  When I’m worried about my health, which is really pretty good, all things considered, I sing these words to the tune of “I’m so Pretty,” from West Side Story. Oh, I just discovered it’s “I feel Pretty.” ! I’ve been singing it wrong….no, I’m not, because I’m making it up.  Here are the words I sing:

I’m so healthy, Oh so healthy

I’m so healthy and happy and free

I’m so healthy

Cause I’m finally learning to be me……

 

I’m so healthy, Oh so healthy

I’m so health and wealthy and wise

I’m so healthy,

Cause I’m seeing through clearer eyes.

 

Here’s Adam Sandler singing his version in Anger Management, accompanied by Jack Nicholson.

Are you feeling prettier, now?

 

 

Today’s Stream of Consciousness post prompt was  that our first word has to end in “ing.”

If you’d like to jump into the stream, start here:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/10/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-1015/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Opportunities

“I realise there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter,

how they’re experts at letting things go.”

                                                                                          Jeffrey McDaniel.

Connecticut Sunset Across the Thames by JoAnne Silvia

 

What if God made trees to teach us about letting go, and staying grounded?

What if water was created not just to quench our thirst,

but to teach us to go with the flow?

What if mountains are here to teach us to stand firm?

Birds and bees to teach us to sing and hum?

Do you think God made us different colors and shapes

to teach us tolerance, so we would learn to cooperate?

Or does God just like diversity?

Whether Grand Design or natural selection,

or the grand design of natural selection,

We are offered opportunities to learn.

I hope we learn soon.

Be Yourself and Sing from Your Heart

It was a bit outside my comfort zone to sing  “Never Would Have Made it.” At least when I tried to sing it like Marvin Sapp. After all, I am still a white chick. But I’d asked the men at the Rescue Mission of Cape Fear, if they had any song requests for next time David and I led Wednesday night chapel, and one of them took me up on it and asked for the song.

So for the next couple weeks, I studied Pastor Marvin Sapp singing on You Tube with his powerful gospel energy. I attempted feebly to play some guitar chords to go with it. My limited ability to strum a few basic chords was not up for the  jazzy gospel notes I heard on You Tube’s guitar versions. It just wasn’t working for me. But I liked the song itself. It moved me in a good way, because the words rang true.  I never would’ve made it throught the darkness without God’s son carrying me, sometimes dragging me kicking and screaming.

So I decided to sing the song a cappella after the scripture discussion Wednesday night about Jesus being tempted in the wilderness. As I started to sing, I felt myself being pulled into the song. Sometimes when this happens, I forget my place, especially when I’m playing guitar too. But this time, it flowed just fine. I snapped my fingers gently on one hand like I’d rehearsed it.  My other hand moved to my heart, as I sang in my own simple white-hippie-church lady way. My body swayed back and forth of it’s own accord.

The men of the mission have always been polite and patient with my choice of songs. As usual, they humbled me with their enthusiastic applause. The man who had requested the song gave me a warm broad smile and thanked me for singing it.  I think they appreciate my effort as much as anything else. They knew I was singing from my heart.

I realized that I’m showing them how it’s ok to try something new, in a safe place, even if it’s outside your comfort zone, even if it might not be as good or the same as how somebody else would do it. I have come to feel safe enough to stretch myself in the company of this diverse group of men who have come to the Rescue  Mission seeking shelter.  And I have been blessed with new songs to sing.

To learn more about the Rescue Mission of the Cape Fear, and the men who stay there, see my interviews in Wilmington Faith and Values:

http://wilmingtonfavs.com/2014/01/10/men-mission-big-als-story/