SoCS: Therapeutic Hindsight on Being Alone

This week’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “left alone.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

There are times when I don’t mind being left alone as long as I have the dog, cat, and birds singing outside. For a while, that is. Sometimes I wonder, being an introvert with sensitive and empathic traits, how long it would take me to feel lonely without human companionship. When David goes out of town, I’m okay for a couple days at least.

But after my first marriage ended in 2002, I felt lonely – even with two kids and two dogs in the house with me. This loneliness came from feeling rejected by my husband of twenty years. Feeling unwanted made me vulnerable enough to fall into the rebound from hell. That was twenty years ago. Isn’t it weird how some memories can be so vivid – like they happened last week? Or last year?

It was shortly after the year long rebound from hell ended, when I was still dealing with some of mental and stress induced physical symptoms from that sick relationship, that I overheard a friend at church talking to some people about a party she was having. Though we had been good friends, she never talked to me about the party. If this happened today, I might go to her and say, nonchalantly, “So I hear your having a party….” I don’t know, but if I wanted to go, I like to think I would mention it and give her the opportunity…. But I did not do that twenty years ago.

What I did do was schedule my first ever hypnotherapy session for the afternoon of my friend’s party to work on those mental and physical symptoms, to work on ME. It was a good session. I think I might have cried during it. Two things that came up were my love for water and for dogs who had always been there with their unconditional love. After that, I swam more at the beach and pool and embraced walking the dogs. I kept working on me.

The week after the party, a close friend mentioned to me that she was sorry I wasn’t able to make the party. I clearly remember my flat response, “I wasn’t invited.” My friend looked surprised and didn’t know what to say. I remember feeling sad and rejected. After that, the friend who had the party announced all her big parties at church and said everyone was welcome. But that’s not what’s important here.

Yesterday, as I happened to drive by the house where my friend had the party, (she doesn’t live there anymore) I remembered feeling rejected and unwanted by the lack of invitation twenty years ago. Then it hit me: Maybe I was being protected. I was pretty sure there was a guy at that party who had flirted with me a few weeks earlier. I might have wanted to date him, but I didn’t get the opportunity. He later got back with his wife. What I’m getting at is that maybe my guardian angels were protecting me, knowing I needed to work on me and to Trust the Timing. That’s what I’m going to believe, because everything eventually worked out for the best.

It is a gift to be able to go back and reframe things from our past in a more positive light or at least gain some new insight. It’s like therapeutic hindsight. I’m thankful that my first marriage ended. Even though that ending was very painful, it eventually made room for something better.

The something better is my husband and first love David who found me again when the timing was perfect.

On Memorial Day, David went with me to the vegan potluck at the sanctuary where I volunteer. I forgot to take pictures of all the food but did remember to show the remnants of cooler corn cooked to perfection by pouring a large pot of boiling water over a full cooler of corn then leaving it closed for about 15 minutes.

Padre, David, and Jake

Padre and David

Padre and David

Cooler Corn leftovers

PS. We’re never really alone. God/Goddess/Great Spirit, angels, or spirit guides are always within reach.

~~~

To learn more about Stream of Consciousness Saturday,

visit our host, Linda Hill

by clicking HERE.

SoCS: Let Go of the Shame, Remember the Lesson

Here’s today’s prompt: “let go.” Write about the first thing that comes to mind when you think “let go.” Enjoy!

Let go, already! It was practically 20 years ago! I was vulnerable and grieving. The rebound from hell lasted only one year – not long in the grand scheme of things. But still, I think, I should have known better, being a counselor and all. I suppose it can happen to anybody.

Maybe shame is like grief in that it still comes in waves as it dissipates. The waves do come further apart and are smaller. And I can say, STOP IT! sooner. Moving on….

Let go my ego! or is it, Let go OF my ego? (Ha! It’s supposed to be spelled Eggo, but I’m going to leave it as ego.) There have been a lot of pancake commercials on TV lately. Must be for IHOP or something. But they make me think about the pancake mix and sugar free syrup that have been in my frig for at least a year. Tomorrow will be cold, so maybe… No, I have plenty of other things to eat. But maybe…. STOP It! Maybe one day, I’ll throw the pancake mix away. Let it go.

Who’s going to share the song, “Let it Go,” from frozen? I don’t know, but it’s almost like a cliche now. I still like it anyway. Hey! I found a great meme with the smarter sister from Frozen. Let me find it…..

The lesson I learned from The Rebound from Hell was, don’t even date someone you just met. Find out about them, do a background check, and see if he meets your list of requirements. Then wait a while. That’s why David and I asked each other a lot of questions on the phone before we had our second first date, then a lot more questions before we got serious. My awesome supervisor at the time did an unofficial background check on David and only found good stuff. Thank God, I don’t have to worry about that anymore.

The key with any mistake is to let go of the shame and remember the lesson.

~~~

Stream of Consciousness Saturday and Just Jot it January are brought to us by Linda Hill. To learn more about #SoCS and #JusJoJan, click HERE.

No More Tempestuous Relationships!

Today’s prompt for Just Jot it January is: tempest. Thanks, Liz, for the prompt, and thanks to our host, Linda Hill for #JusJoJan! For details, click here.

There was a tempest in my gut, and in other parts of my body, too. It was almost 20 years ago, but I still remember how the tempestuous rebound from hell affected my body. Working a stressful job while being a single mom didn’t help either. Why didn’t I listen? I was wounded, vulnerable. But not anymore. Now I listen to my body, most of the time.

The older I get, the better my body gets at telling me, “Hey! chill out!” It might be acid reflux, or tiredness, or a spasm somewhere or other telling me to check in and examine my habits, particularly when it comes to stress. (Or eating too much sugar which happened over Christmas.)

Some stress is good, like steady regular exercise where we push a little harder depending on the day, again listening to the body. A little stress makes us stronger. Problem solving, watching Jeopardy, crossword puzzles, these are some of the brain exercises that stretch our skills. I want to keep doing those.

Training a new dog, who is both headstrong and physically strong, can be stressful, but David and I are in control of that. Sort of. Our first professional training session is Monday.

Marley is a big baby, most of the time.

Here are some good relationships I am grateful for at home and at the farm animal sanctuary:

Marley and Dave

Marley and my granddaughter

Mama Cat on my Lap

Mira and me at the sanctuary

Sheep and Goats at the sanctuary

Mira and my daughter, Ayla

Patrick and Francis

The Three Amiagos

MC looking into window from catio

We are still keeping Marley and Mama Cat separated for now.
Otherwise, Mama Cat would consider that a tempestuous relationship.

SoCS: When There’s Too Much Pepper in the Soup

Here’s are prompt: ….. for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “oop.” Find a word with the “oop” sound in it and use it in your post. Enjoy!

Oops. scoop. goop. soup. I like soup. Vegetarian, please. I like to experiment in cooking. Over time there are fewer, oopses, in cooking at least. We bought some cumin that is exceptionally strong and can only use like an eighth of a teaspoon, a pinch at most. Even if a recipe calls for a half a teaspoon, that’s too much of this particularly powerful batch of cumin. We learned this from experience.

Every mistake teaches us something. It was a big mistake to date a creep after my divorce. It was an even bigger mistake to keep on dating him for a year. But I learned more about codependency and how low I cold go. It brought me to my knees even more than the divorce. It gave me compassion for people who stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships. When it finally ended, it was like waking up from a bad dream. Where had I been? I had lost myself for a while there. Now, I appreciate being in a healthy relationship.

But first, I had to appreciate me. I had to learn to love myself again. Was that rebound from hell really a mistake? Could I have learned to love me without it? I don’t know. I wish I had not done it. I regret that rebound. But God can take a messy mistake and turn it into something good.

It’s like if we put too much cumin, or pepper, in the soup. God can put in other spices, other healthy vegetables, sweet nourishment, to counteract the mistake. The soup becomes rich and hearty.

Do we need to make mistakes in order to learn? Or to appreciate the good things in life?

Let’s hope we learn enough to not make more big ones.

Let’s hope we can heal the mess we’ve made of the planet, mend relationships, bridge the divide.

God help us. I know imagine you’re tired of our mess and want us to learn on our own.

Maybe we will. But could you just give certain people a nudge. You know, the ones who put too much pepper in the soup. Help them, help us, help me, be careful with the pepper – my irritability and critical thoughts….

Add some sweet corn, sweet peas, sweet potato, maybe even some mango. Nudge us to use a dash of compassion, a spoonful of empathy, a cup of kindness.

…

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda Hill. For more streams and rules, visit:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS April 24, 2021 | (lindaghill.com)

SoCS: Look Before You Link

These days linking is done mostly through our computers. In bloglandia, we’re used to this type of connection. I find it comforting. Do I add a link to my new book? Not yet. We’ll see.

Some of the book is about linking with the wrong person and how to find the right person – a compatible person who is a good fit. Not someone who has fits. Now, I’m streaming. Those kinds of fits aren’t in the book. But you don’t want to be around someone who has fits, do you? Like hissy fits, or fighting fits, or even being fit to be tied. Not often anyway. Where was I going with this?

I had a list of traits I was looking for in a compatible partner. Some things were non- negotiable, like, “Must Love Dogs.” I got that one. Maybe the one about “not snoring loud” should not have been way at the bottom on the list. I did not get that one. But it’s not a deal breaker. Thank goodness.

Link with someone you trust. But how do you know? People are on their best behavior when you first meet them. It takes time to find out what someone is really like. And then if you link, and find out, oops, this person is crazy and not in a good way, you have to unlink.

If I could go back in time to the rebound from hell and tell myself something, I would tell myself around the second or third date, “GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” But I didn’t. Due to my vulnerable state of low self worth, I was linked in there for a year. Which was 365 days too long.

I didn’t mean to write all about that. But it (the rebound from hell) gave me compassion for people who stay too long in unhealthy or abusive relationships. Maybe it can help someone avoid the mistakes I made. That’s the point of my new book. That and manifesting. What a weird word. How about making your dreams come true? That’s better.

Some links can be great. Strong. Stable, a good fit. Like when you find the puzzle piece that really does fit, and it makes the picture make sense. And you don’t have to force it. Cause if it don’t fit, don’t force it. A good link makes the whole thing work better. So look before you link. Ask a lot of questions. Or stay home and read a book, or watch TV. Learn stuff. Love yourself. Be well.

We don’t need a link to the book. You can just click on the top right picture of the cover of From Loneliness to Love if you’d like, or scroll down below the post.

But we do need a link to Linda, who gave us this prompt for SoCS. Here it is:

https://lindaghill.com/2020/07/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-18-2020/

And here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Desire and Divine Intervention

Here’s something different for a Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:  The word is, “want.” Make the word “want” the first, second, or third word of your post. Have fun!

I didn’t want to want a man in my life. 

The divorce had strangled my heart – figuratively, and acid reflux made me think I was having a heart attack. The rebound from hell should have made me swear off romantic relationships. Rebound number 2 was better, but still stressful. I couldn’t relax with him, even after three years. Men were too much stress. The little bit of romance and security was not worth the headaches and stomach aches.

So I asked God to take away the desire for a partner. Then, as an afterthought, I said, “or send me a good one.”

And eventually, when the time was right, God did just that. (God didn’t take away the desire, though I relaxed a bit just turning it over.) God sent me a good one.  Not perfect, but maybe perfect for me – allowing me to work on my issues and him to work on his issues, and the little bit of (normal) stress is totally worth the abundance of security and compatibility.

The long version is my memoir, Trust the Timing. But I’m also working on a short version, called From Loneliness to Love, Five Steps for Finding a Healthy Relationship.  It’s almost ready for publication. Just when I think I’ve got it all lined up, there’s a formatting issue that pops up between the uploading and the proofing. I guess I need to keep plugging away and trust the timing.

I want it to all fall into place, which happens occasionally, though not as often as I want. A friend of mine told me, “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.” If you want something really bad and it’s not happening, don’t force it.  Don’t give up, but try something a little different, take a break, take up a hobby. If it’s meant to happen, it will.

When David was 15 and moved far away,  the lady I babysat for told me, “If you are meant to be together, you will be.”  It stopped my tears and gave me hope. Life went on and on. David became a sweet but distant memory.  Then, 39 years after we said goodbye in 1972, he found me again. Now he is my life partner. The good one. Not forced, but falling into place.

We are all waiting to see what will happen in the world and in our lives. But we are not alone and never were.

Don’t force it. Trust the timing.

I’m still learning that one.

This is for all the lonely people.

…

For more Streams of Consciousness, visit our host, Linda Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2020/05/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-16-2020/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

To My Guardian Angels

I know I ran you ragged

In the late 70s.

All those times I drank too much

And put myself with risky people

You were there

Heeding my parent’s prayers

Though you would have been there anyway.

Did you have emergency meetings?

Strategic planning sessions?

Did your wings tremble

While I was oblivious to the danger?

You must have shaken your heads

And called for more back up

The night I went out alone

To that infamous street

We used to ride down

With the doors locked.

It was a dead.

A weeknight.

No one even talked to me.

You must have been surrounding me

Shielding me with your light

And I didn’t even know it.

Did you yell at me to

Just go home, for Godsake!

I must have heard you sometimes

From the back corner of my mind.

I’m sorry I put you through so much.

 

And even when I was older

And should have known better

But blinded by grief

I fell into that slimy pit,

The rebound from hell

And stumbled around in circles

Until you pried open my eyes

And showed me the way out.

Did you know there was something better coming?

Did you nudge us toward each other?

Did you dance when we finally got it right?

I cannot thank you enough,

my guardian angels.

Thank you for saving my life.

I hope you get to go on  vacation.

 

 

(And thank you for watching over my kids.

I know they run you ragged sometimes.)

 

 

One-Liner Wednesday: Don’t Force It.

 

“If it don’t fit, don’t force it.”

( From Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again.)

I first heard this expression many years ago from a co-worker who is in recovery. The lesson became clear at the end of my second rebound when I realized my boyfriend and I were like two puzzle pieces that just didn’t fit together.

Can you think of a situation where trying to force something didn’t work?

…

One-liner Wednesday is brought to you by Linda Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2017/09/27/one-liner-wednesday-works-for-them/

 

 

Pay Attention to the Signs

Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt is the word, “sign.”

Our bodies will give us signs. Like acid reflux or upset stomach when stressed. At least mine does. My acid reflux is always an indicator of stress, or eating too fast. I ignored the signs that my post-divorce rebound, aka, the “rebound from hell,” was not a good fit. I ignored the fact that he drank a lot. (Maybe I could help him with that – OMG was I messed up!) I ignored the jealousy – accusations that I must have been with someone when he couldn’t get up with me, or “out of pocket,” as he later called it. Oh, how I hate that expression and the memory of it.

I ignored the little voice in my head that maybe I could do better. I was seriously wounded.  My body gave me other signs too – a mysterious female ailment that would not get better.  My body knew he wasn’t good for me.

But years after the rebound from hell ended, my body got better. Eventually, I knew I was better off not dating anyone. So, after five years of celibacy, I was hesitant. Fearful. Nervous, yet excited about the man from my long ago past. My high school sweetheart. People change a lot in 39 years, I told myself. BE CAREFUL!

But God gave me signs that had to do with timing. Should I give it away? Did I give it away in an earlier post? It’s in my book which comes out sometime this summer. Let me just say that I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do something until something else happened. The timing of when my high school sweetheart re-appeared fit right in to this promise. And there was another promise about a criminal background check before falling in love again. The way he responded when I told him that was a sign of honor and respect.

When some one honors you and helps you keep your promises to yourself, that means a lot. My body felt comfortable and safe with him. Excited and aroused, too, after five years of celibacy. But I had learned that you can’t trust just that kind of arousal. I had to have the safety and comfort, too. And respect. I’ve read that respect is really important to men and being listened to is most important to women. Well, I can tell you that I want respect, too. And joy. And feeling safe. All those things are part of being loved and loving.

If I had not found all those good qualities in another person, I was prepared to stay single, celibate, and solo, with friends and dogs for company. Being willing to stay single was my strength. I had finally learned to honor, love, and respect myself enough to be in a healthy relationship.

…

I just have to bend the rules and enter another stream of consciousness to add this sign which I forgot about. Dang. I wish I’d written about this sign. Well, another time….

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you by Linda G. Hill. For more information, just follow this sign:

https://lindaghill.com/2017/06/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-1717/

Here are the SOCS Rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

 

Call Me When You’re Sober.

Today’s theme for Song Lyric Sunday was to post a song about alcohol. I wasn’t sure if I could offer anything since I don’t drink anymore having already done my share. But then I remembered this song by Evanescence. (One of the benefits of having a teenage daughter during the post-divorce years was being exposed to cool bands.)  “Call Me When You’re Sober,” written by Amy Lee and Terry Balsam, was one of my healing songs after the rebound from hell and reinforced my right to set boundaries and keep myself safe.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can’t keep believing,
We’re only deceiving ourselves .
And I’m sick of the lie,
And you’re too late.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn’t take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you’re jaded.
You can’t play the victim this time,
And you’re too late.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you’re sober.
You only want it cause it’s over,
It’s over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I – you were never mine.

So don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don’t lie to me,
Just get your things.
I’ve made up your mind.

(From azlyrics.com)

 

 

Song lyric Sunday is brought to you by Helen at:

https://helenswordsoflife.com/2017/06/10/song-lyric-sunday-theme-for-61117/