Anything is Possible!

With Faith, Hope and Perseverance


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Pay Attention to the Signs

danger

Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt is the word, “sign.”

Our bodies will give us signs. Like acid reflux or upset stomach when stressed. At least mine does. My acid reflux is always an indicator of stress, or eating too fast. I ignored the signs that my post-divorce rebound, aka, the “rebound from hell,” was not a good fit. I ignored the fact that he drank a lot. (Maybe I could help him with that – OMG was I messed up!) I ignored the jealousy – accusations that I must have been with someone when he couldn’t get up with me, or “out of pocket,” as he later called it. Oh, how I hate that expression and the memory of it.

I ignored the little voice in my head that maybe I could do better. I was seriously wounded.  My body gave me other signs too – a mysterious female ailment that would not get better.  My body knew he wasn’t good for me.

But years after the rebound from hell ended, my body got better. Eventually, I knew I was better off not dating anyone. So, after five years of celibacy, I was hesitant. Fearful. Nervous, yet excited about the man from my long ago past. My high school sweetheart. People change a lot in 39 years, I told myself. BE CAREFUL!

But God gave me signs that had to do with timing. Should I give it away? Did I give it away in an earlier post? It’s in my book which comes out sometime this summer. Let me just say that I had made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do something until something else happened. The timing of when my high school sweetheart re-appeared fit right in to this promise. And there was another promise about a criminal background check before falling in love again. The way he responded when I told him that was a sign of honor and respect.

When some one honors you and helps you keep your promises to yourself, that means a lot. My body felt comfortable and safe with him. Excited and aroused, too, after five years of celibacy. But I had learned that you can’t trust just that kind of arousal. I had to have the safety and comfort, too. And respect. I’ve read that respect is really important to men and being listened to is most important to women. Well, I can tell you that I want respect, too. And joy. And feeling safe. All those things are part of being loved and loving.

If I had not found all those good qualities in another person, I was prepared to stay single, celibate, and solo, with friends and dogs for company. Being willing to stay single was my strength. I had finally learned to honor, love, and respect myself enough to be in a healthy relationship.

I just have to bend the rules and enter another stream of consciousness to add this sign which I forgot about. Dang. I wish I’d written about this sign. Well, another time….

sign at Summerland key wharf

socsbadge2016-17

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you by Linda G. Hill. For more information, just follow this sign:

https://lindaghill.com/2017/06/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-1717/

Here are the SOCS Rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

 


8 Comments

Call Me When You’re Sober.

Song Lyric Sunday

Today’s theme for Song Lyric Sunday was to post a song about alcohol. I wasn’t sure if I could offer anything since I don’t drink anymore having already done my share. But then I remembered this song by Evanescence. (One of the benefits of having a teenage daughter during the post-divorce years was being exposed to cool bands.)  “Call Me When You’re Sober,” written by Amy Lee and Terry Balsam, was one of my healing songs after the rebound from hell and reinforced my right to set boundaries and keep myself safe.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can’t keep believing,
We’re only deceiving ourselves .
And I’m sick of the lie,
And you’re too late.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn’t take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you’re jaded.
You can’t play the victim this time,
And you’re too late.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you’re sober.
You only want it cause it’s over,
It’s over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I – you were never mine.

So don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don’t lie to me,
Just get your things.
I’ve made up your mind.

(From azlyrics.com)

 

 

Song lyric Sunday is brought to you by Helen at:

https://helenswordsoflife.com/2017/06/10/song-lyric-sunday-theme-for-61117/


14 Comments

Like an Adolescent Girl Approaching Menopause

Song Lyric Sunday

It was years ago, after the rebound from hell, after stumbling around in purgatory, as I entered my unintenional five years of celibacy, that I was crazy about the girl band, Superchick. Their style was aimed at adolescent girls and had subtle Christian undertones. That must have been what I needed back in those post-divorce years. In some ways, I was like a adolescent girl, approaching menopause, trying to find myself again.

“Beauty for Pain” in particular helped pull me out of darkness and gave me hope.

The chorus is my favorite part:

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I’ve cried my last, there’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today, someday I’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Today’s theme for Song Lyric Sunday was, “pain.” For more information, visit Helen at:

https://helenespinosa.wordpress.com/2017/04/22/song-lyric-sunday-theme-for-42317/


14 Comments

Lesson Learned – One-Liner Wednesday

“If it don’t fit, don’t force it.”

I learned this lesson from my two post-divorce rebounds. It took long enough! The first one, the “rebound from hell,” lasted a year, which was a year too long. The second rebound lasted three years and was not hellish, though it did feel like purgatory in the end. At least I was making progress. Five years of celibacy taught me that it was entirely possible to be happy without a man in my life and helped me accept that I could be the love of my life. Then, I got the surprise of my life!

1linerwedsbadgewes

One-liner Wednesday is brought to us by Linda Hill. You can read more one-liners and see Linda’s pretty new colors at:

https://lindaghill.com/2017/04/12/one-liner-wednesday-colour-my-world/

Here are the One-Liner Wednesday rules which I sometimes follow:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

 


11 Comments

Tangible Healing

broken-heart-from-pixabay

It was 16 years ago. The emotional pain was tangible. Like the bottom fell out of my stomach and my head was somewhere far away.

I had believed that “to death do us part” meant that we would grow old together, and travel out west chasing the sunsets.

I was willing to work on it, to do my part, be more attentive, go on vacations, whatever.

But it was too late.

They said it was just acid-reflux that made my chest feel so tight, like a fist closing around my heart.

So I had to learn to take slow deep breaths in between the sobs in the hallway sitting on the hardwood floor when the kids had gone to their dad’s new place.

It took time for the pain to subside into mere sadness. Then there were the cover-up rebounds. The first one a disaster, the second better, but stressful and not a good fit. But at least I was  making progress.

Finally, I learned to work on me, and to trust that God had a plan.

Now, my heart sings a new song, better than any song I could have imagined.

Now, the joy is tangible like the ocean waves  caressing my skin, like a cool breeze on a warm day, or a warm blanket on a cold night.

healing

I painted this during the cover-up rebounds.

(The broken heart at the top is from pixabay)

This post was written in response to the Just Jot it January prompt: “tangible,” provided by Prajakta at https://anarmchairperfectionist.wordpress.com/

This post is also for TS.

Except for the last two lines, it summarizes Chapter 13 of my Work in Progress.

 

just-jot-january

The rules for Just Jot It January are as follows:

1. It’s never too late to join in! Here, we run on the honour system; the “jot it” part of JusJoJan means that anything you jot down, anywhere (it doesn’t have to be a post, it can even be a grocery list) counts as a “Jot.” If it makes it to your blog that day, great! If it waits a week to get from a sticky note to your screen, no problem!

2. The prompts will be posted every day at 2am my time (GMT -5). You don’t have to follow the prompt word, but this will be where you leave your link for others to see. Make sure you link your post to the correct day’s prompt. There will be a post like this every day except Wednesday, when the prompt is simply my One-Liner Wednesday, and Saturday, when you’ll find the prompt on my usual Friday Reminder post for Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS).

3. As long as your blog is on WordPress, you’ll be able to link via pingback. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL from the daily prompt post, and paste it anywhere in your post. Check to make sure your link shows up where you want it to, and go back occasionally to see other bloggers’ entries – the more you visit others, the more they’ll visit you! If you’re participating from another blogging host, just drop a link into the comment section. Note: The newest pingbacks and comments will be at the top.

4. Tag your post JusJoJan and/or #JusJoJan.

5. Write anything! Any length will do! It can even be a photo or a drawing – you’re going to title it, right? There’s your jot!

6. The prompts are here both to remind you and to inspire you to write. However, you don’t have to use the prompt word of the day. You can link any kind of jot back here. Even your shopping list. Note: If it’s 18+ content, please say so in a comment with your link.

7. If you’d like to, use the JusJoJan badge (above) in your post so that others can find your post more easily.

8. Have fun!

If you’d like to look ahead to see the upcoming prompt words, click this link: https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/31/just-jot-it-january-2017-rules/ You can always write your post ahead of time and schedule it to come out on the appropriate day.

 

 


27 Comments

Does it Really Need to Be That Complicated?

frustration-from-pixabay

Photo compliments of Pixabay. Search word: “frustrated”

Linda’s prompt for this Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness post was: “moot.” I thought I knew what it meant: meaningless, worthless, not worth bothering with. But I’m glad I looked it up, because I was wrong!  Google’s first definition for moot was:

“subject to debate, dispute, or uncertainty, and typically not admitting of a final decision.”

Maybe I was subconsciously thinking of the word, mute. Did anyone else think moot meant meaningless? Anyway, it’s good to get that cleared up. Thanks, Linda.

Moot is a good word to describe my relationship with a certain email marketing system. I spent a lot of time setting this up to send out my monthly newsletter. I like the creative aspects of this kind of work, and I’m not as low-tech as I used to be, but this particular system, the only one I’ve used so far, almost drove me crazy yesterday. Last month I spent more than a couple  hours figuring out about content boxes and where everything was to paste my newsletter parts into the template I’d created. Yesterday, I spent two hours figuring it out, but when I looked at the preview, there was stuff from November in the current template which was a separate template….Anyway, sorry to bore you with this.

I don’t want to deal with it anymore. It shouldn’t be this complicated. Reminds me of the rebound relationships I had after my divorce. Yes, they were good at fixing things around my house, and they seemed confident on the surface, but they were too complicated in ways that were too much work. Fixer uppers. I finally decided it just wasn’t worth the cost to my serenity. I didn’t need that much stress in my life. I could deal with it if I had to, but I didn’t have to.

That’s how I feel right now about the email marketing platform. Too much monkey business for me. So I’m sending out my December newsletter the old-fashioned way, as an attachment from my personal email. Maybe it’s a good thing my list isn’t that long right now. Someday, maybe I’ll try that monkey thing again, or another company. I don’t know. But right now, it’s moot.

Oh, I almost forgot. I believe I removed those pop ups asking if people wanted to sign up for my newsletter. I never really liked pop ups anyway. If you like them, that’s fine. But I felt uncomfortable with them being here. So if you see any pop ups here, please let me know. And if you want to get my monthly newsletter the old-fashioned way, just email me at the address on my contact page.

Thanks for letting me vent.

The Stream of Consciousness can be therapeutic! If you want to read more about “moot,” visit Linda’s blog:

https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-1716

socsbadge2016-17

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

 


8 Comments

Moving On from That to This

socs-badge-2015

“That was then, this is now.”

Can I learn from my mistakes and not dwell on them? Yes, I can!

I can learn that back then, I got confused and got into this rebound with some one who was all so very wrong for me. Now, I have more compassion for people who stay in unhealthy relationships too long. Now, I’m with someone who is good for me.

I used to worry too much about what other people think about me. Now, it still crosses my mind, but I remind myself, I don’t need to worry about that. Now I’m focused more on taking care of myself and being real, and authentic – that word keeps popping up in my mind lately. Authentic.

Don’t you just hate it when your mind goes to something you did that you can’t believe you did? I hate it. But I must forgive myself and remember, that was then and this is now. Now I know better. Does that mean I won’t make stupid or embarrassing mistakes every now and then. No. I’ll still do that sometimes. But I can laugh at myself easier and easier. I can allow myself to be human and imperfect.

I was just thinking yesterday of something I did that was stupid and embarrassing. Now, I can’t remember what it was. I’m not going to try to rack my brain about it either. I’m sure I have the lesson somewhere in my brain without recalling exactly what happened.

Now, I will still remember many of my mistakes, and I’m just going to roll my eyes about that. I’m not going to beat myself up about mistakes I’ve made in the past, because I’m smarter than that, I’m better than that, and I deserve better….than that!

I would be remiss if I did not admit I did not know the origin of the words, “That was then, this is now.” I looked it up to find the credit goes to Susan Eloise Hinton, aka, SE Hinton who wrote the book by this title which was made into a movie.

It’s also a song by Josh Wilson:

AND then I discovered it’s also the title of an OLD song recoreded by the Monkees!

Today’s Stream of Consciousness post prompt from Linda Hill was:

“this and that.”  Talk about this, talk about that, talk about this and that, but here’s the catch: make either “this” or “that” the first word of your post. Bonus points if you can end with “this” or “that.” Enjoy!

If you’d like to join this fun, visit this link:

http://lindaghill.com/2016/03/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-516/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!