I Don’t Miss the Drama, But….

The first thing that popped into my head when I read our Stream of Consciousness prompt (“miss”) was that I miss my daughter. She’s 22 and living mostly with her boyfriend. I remember I did the same thing when I was her age….

I don’t miss the yelling matches and drama we had back in the days when she was in puberty and I was in menopause. I knew when I had her so late in life, that those would be challenging times, but we got through it. For most of that time, it was just me and my girl. We were best buddies – most of the time, when we weren’t yelling at each other. We didn’t yell at each other a lot, but definitely when we were hungry and had low blood sugar. We learned to not talk when we were hungry.

I don’t miss her having a meltdown at midnight when I had to go to work the next day, or the messiness of her room.

I do miss us singing together on road trips, and her teaching me songs by Pink and Lady Gaga. I miss her dry sense of humor. I miss the excitement of putting the Christmas tree up together, as hard as it was, just the two of us.

I wonder if my mom felt this way when I was 22.

I miss my mom. She’s an angel now. A zany angel. She used to make “angeled eggs” because she didn’t want to give the devil credit for something so good as what other people called deviled eggs.

Christmas is different when you don’t have kids. But I still love the Christmas lights and singing carols. I still love the memories. And I do enjoy the peace of these days.

Now I understand why people like their grand children, adore their grandchildren, brag about their grandchildren. I’m looking forward to being a grandmother. I do have grandchildren but they are far away. So I look forward to someday having them close at Christmas time.  Until then, I will imagine them opening their packages from Grandma.

I think I want to make some gingerbread cookies.

If you’d like to join in the Saturday SOC prompt and post, visit Linda’s blog:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/12/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-515/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Goodbye, Mr. Spock. I will remember.

“I’m touched by the idea that when we do things that are useful and helpful – collecting these shards of spirituality – that we may be helping to bring about a healing.”

Leonard Nimoy

______________________________________________________________________

Leonard Nimoy, one of the most influential people of my adolescence, died on Friday, February 27th.  In his role as First Officer Spock, he brought logic, science, consistency and peace to my life when I needed it most.

The year I went to fifth grade, with my father in Vietnam and my mother having nervous breakdowns, I lived in Philadelphia, Michigan and New York. We spent that summer in Virginia. It was also the year I officially entered puberty, and thankfully, the year I discovered the original Star Trek. I didn’t miss an episode if I could help it.

Spock was my first crush. He was tall and handsome, steady and reliable. He taught me the value of logic and science. He brought stability into my chaotic life.

Spock was also a man of good conscience. In this article, which tells of Mr. Nimoy’s many accomplishments and talents, Gene Roddenberry was quoted to describe Spock as  “the conscience of Star Trek.”

Spock plays a crucial role in the episode below which greatly impacted (or reinforced) my thinking about the possibility of non-human life forms having sentience and value. In “The Devil in the Dark,” Dr. McCoy says:

“Silicon based life is physiologically impossible, especially in an oxygen atmosphere.”

But Spock proves that it is quite possible.

By mind-melding with the silicon “monster,” Spock learns that she is just a wounded mother trying to protect her children.

 

Spock taught us to look deeper and have compassion for all life forms. He was a scientist and an environmentalist. (Perhaps that’s why he had green blood. 😉 Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

I will always remember, with gratitude, the lessons of Mr. Spock conveyed so well by Leonard Nimoy.

 

My Heart Walks Outside My Body

This week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt is attach/attachment.

Attachment seems to have a negative connotation for me. I’m often talking, reading or thinking about emotional detachment to help people, including me, recover from co-dependency.

But when I try to think of a positive feeling about attachment, I remember my baby girl. She’s 21 years old now, but I can still remember the lovely, warm feeling of her being attached to my breast that summer I got to stay home and just be a mom. I think it was the most peaceful time of my life.

We were always close, my daughter and I. After the divorce, and after I stopped getting into relationships that weren’t right for me and accepted being single, and after my son moved out on his own, it was just me and my girl. And the dogs. For five years.

We didn’t do everything together. We had our own friends and activities, but we did a lot of fun things together, like canoe trips, road trips, and just hanging out. We also had plenty of arguments. After all, we did go through puberty and menopause around the same time. That’s what happens when you have a baby girl at the age of 37. Maybe it was a good thing it was just me and her during that time.

I know she’s felt a little displaced since I got married two years ago. She had me to herself for five years.

She’s a grown up now, technically. But she will always be my baby girl. I guess there will always be some emotional attachment between us. It reminds me of a quote, the origin of which I do not know. So I’ll just stop and look it up. (I can tell you I’m doing that because this is Stream of Consciousness Saturday.) Here it is:

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”  __Elizabeth Stone

♥

To join in the Saturday Stream of Consciousness prompt/response, visit:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-february-1415/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. Have fun!