Dream On

Today’s SoCS prompt is “dream.”

Feed your dreams. The good ones. Not the nightmares. Don’t feed them.

I’ve been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. Sometimes too much so. But I’ve learned to put work into the dreams that are goals. One step at a time.

For this post, I’m using the word, dream, as it relates to goals, though the dreams we have when asleep can be interesting and meaningful, too.

I dreamed of a partner who would be a good fit, someone compatible. That was after the divorce and after the rebound from hell, after I got over my cynicism where I tried to not want a man because they could not be trusted.

My father could be trusted. Maybe I put him on a pedestal. He is partly responsible for me being a dreamer with his proclamation that, “Nothing is Impossible.”

So I imagined a compatible partner, made collages including him, and wrote lists of his characteristics.  It worked! (except for the list item that said “if he snores it’s only a little so I don’t notice.” That one didn’t manifest, yet.)  We don’t always get everything we want, but believing in our dreams helps.  Plus we have to work on ourselves in the meantime We have to work on becoming ready for our dreams to come true. Becoming the best we can be without expecting perfection. Because perfection is a dirty word. Nobody’s perfect.

“Perfection is the enemy of progress.” — Winston Churchill

Baby steps are okay, because they add up. But we can’t just dream. We gotta take steps. So dream on and keep taking steps.

Dream on til your dream comes true.

Listen to these girls harmonize! I think they’re pretty amazing.

…

For more dreams and streams of consciousness, visit Linda at:

https://lindaghill.com/2019/11/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-16-19/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

SoCS: Rejoice! Conditions and All

Here’s something new! Today’s prompt for Saturday Stream of Consciousness is:

“ask someone else.” Either ask someone for a prompt word or, if you can’t, turn on a TV or a radio and choose a word from the first sentence you hear. 

(Linda Hill)

It’s new to me anyway. Stepping a little outside the box, I decided to ask for prompts on my Facebook author page. It was an experiment since I believe FB suppresses business and author pages so we’ll buy ads which so far have not worked well enough for me… but I did get two prompt suggestions, so I’m happy.

My first prompt for which I am thankful was, “Rejoice.”  It’s the word in one of my favorite Christmas hymns. That word I often/sometimes have trouble hitting the high note on. O Come, O come, Emanuel….. REJOICE! REJOICE! Emanuel shall come to thee o Israel. Emanuel means God is with us. REJOICE!

The second prompt, for which I am also thankful, was “Conditional.” Hmmmm. Interesting. Go ahead and REJOICE, as long as no one gets hurt. Rejoice all you want, but the dishes still need to get done and the trash needs to get put out. But wait! what if we can and do rejoice whilst we are taking out the trash? Like I rejoice when I donate stuff. Rejoice to be lightening the load. Jesus lightens my load. Why not rejoice in the midst of conditions? I rejoice that I know how to be conditional.

I knew that if I ever married again, it would be conditional upon finding a partner who loves dogs. Okay, he loves me, too but that kinda goes without saying. He also had to respect me.  Respect was a big issue when my daughter was a teenager. I would listen to her on the condition that she not yell at me and speak with a respectful tone. My love for her was and is unconditional, but my listening had conditions. My presence had conditions. If someone yells at me or is disrespectful, now I can walk away if only to another room. I can limit my time with people who are toxic depending (conditional?) on how toxic they are. I can love someone from a distance.  Occasional distance if they are a little toxic. Big distance if they are frequently toxic. I rejoice that my daughter is respectful and doesn’t yell at me anymore (not that I can tell) cause she’s grown and out on her own.

One of my goals for 2019 is to buy a house in the mountains so I can visit my son and his family more often. This is somewhat conditional on selling my parent’s house (the house that was my parents’). It’s a flexible condition. An ideal. Some conditions are negotiable and some are not. When I sell the house that was my parents’ I will be a little sad. I will probably cry. But I will also rejoice! When I buy a house in the mountains, I will rejoice!

Feeling how you will feel when you get your heart’s desire worked for me while I was looking/waiting for my soulmate.  I imagined comfort and joy.  Rejoice for all the blessings coming your way – with or without conditions. Rejoice anyway!

 

 

…

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to you by Linda G. Hill. For more information, and more streams, visit:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/12/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-29-18/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

 

Answered Prayer

I asked God to take away the desire for a partner or else send me a good one. “And God, I would really appreciate it if you could get my soulmate here before Dad and Jesse die,” I added.

  From Trust the Timing

When I prayed that prayer seven years ago, I knew I would be strong enough to deal with the death of my father and my dog, Jesse, when those times came. Even without a partner, I had proven to myself that I could cope with loss and keep my head above water. No matter how much it hurt, I would deal with it. But I didn’t want to go through it alone gritting my teeth and forcing myself to be tough.

Now, as I process grief for my father, I can’t imagine how I would deal with the waves of sadness, especially after I spend a day going through Dad’s abundant possessions and then come home to sort through his mail and paperwork. I’m going through mom’s stuff, too, because he didn’t want to get rid of anything after she died eight years ago. If I had to do this alone as the only surviving child – and go to work the next day at a challenging job – it would be overwhelming to say the least.

But I don’t have to do it alone. I know that even if I was still single, God would walk with me through this, and that I’d survive (probably with jaw and neck pain from the teeth gritting.) But it helps so much to have a supportive partner. That is an understatement. Not only does my husband support me emotionally, he made it possible for me to quit my job just one month before Dad died. We didn’t know the timing would work out that way. But I bet God knew.

My husband was here for me when Jesse died a couple years ago, and now he’s here for me as I grieve for my father, because God answered that prayer.

God doesn’t always answer my prayers my way. Despite all I’ve learned about trusting the timing, God still seems awfully slow to my limited perspective regarding prayers yet to be answered. But I know things are being worked out in those I love, and ultimately, love will prevail.

I am thankful beyond words.

2012, just after our wedding

Here’s Dad on my wedding day.

A Gift You Can’t Buy in the Store, Part 1

Tuesday was my last full day at the job I worked for 30 years. In January, I’ll go back for a few hours to wrap up some paperwork and get the rest of my stuff, and there will be a “retirement” party. But these things will be on my terms and at my convenience.

My husband told me he was proud of me for retiring on my terms. But it was because of him that I was able to do it that way, cutting my hours back gradually, building my courage for the leap of faith, trusting that I would be taken care of. My husband, not wanting to contribute to the commercialization of Christmas, doesn’t like to buy presents from a store, but he loves to make things from wood like candle holders and Christmas ornaments like the balloon above. I tend to agree with him. He’s giving me the best gift of all the Christmas – the gift of retirement.

It was hard to say goodbye to my clients. But it was the right decision for me. Now, I get giggly inside, like a kid at Christmas, as I realize I don’t have to go back to the bureaucracy, to the demands to do more in less time – or bringing work home,  or to the witnessing of the wreckage of addiction.

I am forever grateful to have witnessed the triumphs over addiction and for the privilege to be able to help a little. I’m thankful for all that I’ve learned. But I believe I’ve paid my dues. Now, it’s my turn to follow my heart back to its creative home. I’ll probably do a stress management group somewhere, maybe a group with a creative twist! But it will be on my terms.

I will remember all those late nights I drove home exhausted, my hands aching from the keyboard, wondering if I would ever get caught up on the paperwork, wondering if I  could make it another 10 years until social security and medicare kicked in, wondering if those benefits would even be there for me in 10 years.

I will remember praying to God for deliverance, telling myself, God has a plan.

Little did I know how marvelous that plan would be. God was watching me, loving me, encouraging me, and doing the same for my soulmate 700 miles away. God waited for the perfect time, when my soulmate and I were ready to journey together. (And in case you didn’t know, I’m writing a book about that.)

Ten years ago, I asked God to take away the desire for a partner, or to send someone who is a good fit.

Today, I thank God for the gift of my husband who is a good fit. And I thank my husband for the gift of freedom to be me. On my terms. And on God’s terms.

Somewhere Out There

Yesterday, when I looked at today’s prompt “some/sum,” I had just been talking to my son who is 28 and single. He wonders if he is ever going to find a partner who’s a good fit for him.

I shared his woes, remembering my own questions on this topic a few years ago. I remember trying to be cynical or logical about how much I could do as a single woman, unfettered by a spouse.

But being human, I wanted a spouse, if I could find one who would be a good fit. I told my son about going outside at night and looking up at the stars and believing that there was someone out there for me, working on himself as I was working on myself. Getting ready for the right time.

What I didn’t tell my son, was that not only would I go out and look at the stars, I would sing this corny, sweet song, from the animated movie, An American Tale, about a little mouse who gets separated from his family. I don’t remember much about the movie, which came out around the time my son was a toddler, but I loved the song:
“Somewhere Out There……”

Four years ago, in June of 2011, when the time was right, my some one found me again.

I believe that somewhere out there is someone for my son. Someone who is a good fit, getting ready to meet him, when the time is right.

 

This week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday Post was “some/sum” If you’d like to join in the fun, visit:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/06/26/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-2715/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. Have fun!

Writing to God

Bon jour!

As much as I miss the French I took for three years in high school, I’m not going to focus on the French word for day in today’s Stream of Consciousness Post. Because to be honest, journal is the first thing that popped into my head when I saw our prompt was “jour.”

I often encourage my clients to journal. It still surprises me a little when some one admits: “I don’t really like to write.” It’s almost like when some one says they don’t like animals. Any animals. I have to remind myself that those things I love, some people don’t even like.

So, now I ask  them how they feel about writing. If they are at all interest in journaling, or willing to give it a try. I tell them they can keep it simple. And they don’t have to do it every day.  I encourage them to write, not only to vent, but to write what they’ve learned, and good things that happen, even if it’s just one sentence.

The most valuable thing I’ve found in my own journaling isn’t recording facts, feelings and thoughts, though that can help tremendously if you ever want to write a memoir.

I used journals to clarify the pros and cons of unhealthy relationships I needed to walk out of.

I wrote in my journal the characteristics I wanted in a partner. Then I put stars by the most important ones, the non-negotiables. It was like writing a letter to God, or the Universe, which is part of God, made by God, I believe. But that’s another post, maybe.  I read the list to help me not go back to unhealthy relationships.

In a group, I asked my clients to write a letter from God with what God wants you to know. A love letter, maybe, hopefully. I wrote one too. It was great! And by great, I mean therapeutic.

I also wrote lists of what I like about myself, the good qualities I want to strengthen, things God loves about me.

Journaling has helped me put my goals in writing. Things are more powerful when we write them and speak them.

I’ve used a journal to write down examples of God working in my life, meaningful coincidences. I just started a jar for this where I put little notes with good things that happen. Maybe I’ll put them together in writing at the end of the year.

Because what we focus on gets bigger.

God Listens, and “reads” what we write.

And dreams do come true.

_________________________________________________

If you’d like to join in the fun of Saturday Stream of Consciousness, visit:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/04/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-1115/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. Have fun!

 

 

It’s Going To Be Okay!

Angels were trying to tell me.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”  – John Lennon

I’d like to go back in time, to 1972, just for a moment, when my first love had to move back to Connecticut. I want to tell my 16 year old self: It will be okay.

Next stop – 2001 after my husband left, to tell myself: I know this is a mountain you didn’t expect, but you’ll climb it. In time, it will be okay.  Better than okay. Just wait! God has a plan.

For the first few years of this century, I longed for a partner who would be a good fit. Then, I wondered if there was such a thing, me being in my 50’s and all, so I started thinking I’d rather have my own kayak and settle for loyal companionship of dogs.

But in July of 2014, I found myself on an adventure with my first love, who, as you may know by now, became my second husband, the partner who is a good fit, who brought three more dogs into my home. Our home.  (Lots of companionship here!)  Anyway, Saturday we took our “new” tandem kayak out for a paddle around the small islands 20 miles south of our home.

After getting a good deal on the second hand tandem, someone said, “Oh, you got a divorce kayak.” Yikes! I guess tandems have a reputation for causing arguments.

So we watched this video:

David and I  did great, considering it was his first time in a kayak, and it had been a couple years since I’d paddled. I had to trust him to steer from the back. It was my job up front to set the pace, and to communicate (as he patiently reminded me) if I was going to suddenly start paddling on one side to help him steer. I eventually left the most of the steering to him and gratefully let him paddle by himself a bit when I needed a break because my arms felt like rubber.

The temperature was about 90 degrees, so the droplets and splashes of water refreshed us.  The sky was the bluest blue with giant cottony clouds. White ibis hunted in the marsh grass, and we got to see brown pelicans – up close and personal – pause in mid flight, watch the water,  then dive for a fish.  (Next time I’ll bring a waterproof camera.)

As we were driving home, tired but feeling ALIVE, with our kayak in the back of David’s truck – our truck, I realized how blessed I am.

That’s when I wanted to go to my 46 year old self, and  just hold that confused and lonely woman with love.  I want to  somehow convey the message:

It’s going to be okay. Things are going to work out. You’ll see.

I wonder if my future self will want to come back in time to the present me when I’m worried about my grown kids dealing with their own challenges, or my own challenges, which are  relatively minor these days, so she can say to me:

Don’t worry so much.  Everything will be okay in the end. God has a plan.

What do you want to go back and tell yourself? Send a hug back through time.