Anything is Possible!

With Love, Hope, and Perseverance


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The Miracle Flower

Moms Red Flower

It sure is good to be back in the Stream of Consciousness! We still have a lot of clean up to do at the house in Wilmington, but mostly big branches and the back fence. The house is mostly okay. Mostly. The house we’re staying in an hour north belonged to my parents and now belongs to me. I’m typing that because sometimes it’s hard to remember that the house and all this stuff I have to, get to, go through now belong to me. I can do whatever I want with it. I’ve been going through hundreds and hundreds of old photos. Being here at the house my parents lived in for so long brings me to the miracle flower pictured above. It is one thing I will not throw away.

The story that I included in Trust the Timing as well as a chicken soup story I just submitted goes something like this:

My mother was getting foggier and more confused in her late 70s. I had always wanted my mother to be clearer in her thinking. I’d been reading a lot about mental health and zeroed in on this quote my Scott Peck about mental health being a dedication to reality at all costs.  This was about 15 to 20 years ago, and I no longer believe that now. Not the “at all costs” part.

But when my mom showed me this artificial red flower in a clay pot and went on and on about what a miracle it was because she hadn’t watered it in weeks and it was still alive and so beautiful, I said something like, “Mom, I think that flower might be plastic.”

“No it’s not! It’s a miracle!” Mom said and then she changed the subject.

I still beat myself up for not going along with her miracle flower and joining her journey as my husband says. Now I know better that miracles are in the believing. And reality is subjective. Maybe this flower which is actually made of silk, has taken on a life in some ways. I’m writing about it, so maybe I’m giving it immortality.

Do you think “inanimate” objects have something like life. An energy maybe? Do we give our cars or computers energy when we talk to them?  Well, that’s getting a bit deep, so I guess I better back off and come back to earth. At least long enough to move the laundry along. We just got electricity back yesterday after a week of candlelit nights, so I’m washing towels. Thank God! We were almost out of towels. But really, I am very thankful. It could have been much worse and was for some people.

Thank you for all the prayers and good energy during the hurricane!

PS. I just thought about my childhood stuffed animals, supposedly inanimate objects who I thought of as real, and remembered this part of The Veleveteen Rabbit.

Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt was: flower/flour

stream-of-consciousness-saturday-2018-19

For more information on Saturday Stream of Consciousness, visit Linda at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-22-18/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!


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Getting Real About My Mess

Window w Blue with Stars

“Don’t Compare Your Insides to Other People’s Outsides.”

The other day, I was listening to an interview on public radio with Peter Sagal, host of “Wait, Wait… Don’t tell Me!” “Wait, Wait” is a comedy quiz show I’d never watched or listened to, so I checked it out on youtube. In the recent interview, Mr. Sagal talked about mental health challenges and how looking at social media sites like Facebook can make a person think: everybody else is so happy. What’s wrong with me? Am I the only one with problems? 

I got to thinking about that and realized that if you look at my Facebook page, or read my book, you’d think I must be pretty darn happy these days. Most of the time, I feel moderately happy.  Yeah, I got to retire from my stressful job, and I’m married to the love of my life, so a lot of the big challenges (stupid mistakes, divorce, more stupid mistakes, and the death of my parents) seem to be behind me. Knock on wood. But life can still be messy.  So, in the interest of being real, here are some of my current messes:

Codependency is still part of my life. After years of recovery meetings, step work, and reading daily meditations for codependents, I still worry too much about other people’s mess – what they think about me, how I might be able to fix help them, etc. But I’m making progress. I don’t let codependency run my life like it used to. I’m a “Recovering People Pleaser,” but some days, I’m still too nice. Or when I’m not nice, because I’m tired of being nice, I feel guilty. The good thing is I feel guilty for minutes or hours instead of days and weeks.

I struggle to let go of my adult children. Not as much in my actions as in my thoughts. Their lifestyles and beliefs are not what I imagined for them. I worry about them. I know some of that’s normal. My parents must have felt the same way about me. But it sure is uncomfortable sometimes. I’m slowly learning to let go.

I’m still more sensitive than I’d like to be. My feelings can get hurt by little things which don’t seem little and which I dwell on too long. Intellectually, I can tell myself all kinds of reasons not to let it get to me, but it’s a struggle.

With all this residual sensitivity and codependency, I get to work on issues with the love of my life. We both have issues. Now we get to work on them together. That’s why we are in the relationships we’re in. And to support each other and have fun. Let’s not forget that!

I have lots of conversations in my head. Thank God and my guardian angels for protecting me when I drive. I’m working on this. I tell myself to focus on the road ahead, to practice mindful driving, and it works for a while, then I realize I’ve been rehearsing a conversation that probably won’t ever happen.

My house is messy. I have a lot of dog hair in my house, and my 16 year old terrier/beagle has incontinence issues. I need to brush the dogs more and buy some air freshener.

It’s been a while, but I like to look at photos of stars with no make up.

So that’s my current mess without touching on the bigger messes of my past, or the mess I don’t even see, because we don’t always see all of our own mess.

I’m thankful that my life is mostly good now, but it’s not a bed of roses.  Okay, there are  are roses, slightly wilted with thorns. Everybody has thorns. Everybody has messes. We all have stuff to work on. And God’s grace is always available.

pale pink rose with thorns