SoCS: Therapeutic Hindsight on Being Alone

This week’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “left alone.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

There are times when I don’t mind being left alone as long as I have the dog, cat, and birds singing outside. For a while, that is. Sometimes I wonder, being an introvert with sensitive and empathic traits, how long it would take me to feel lonely without human companionship. When David goes out of town, I’m okay for a couple days at least.

But after my first marriage ended in 2002, I felt lonely – even with two kids and two dogs in the house with me. This loneliness came from feeling rejected by my husband of twenty years. Feeling unwanted made me vulnerable enough to fall into the rebound from hell. That was twenty years ago. Isn’t it weird how some memories can be so vivid – like they happened last week? Or last year?

It was shortly after the year long rebound from hell ended, when I was still dealing with some of mental and stress induced physical symptoms from that sick relationship, that I overheard a friend at church talking to some people about a party she was having. Though we had been good friends, she never talked to me about the party. If this happened today, I might go to her and say, nonchalantly, “So I hear your having a party….” I don’t know, but if I wanted to go, I like to think I would mention it and give her the opportunity…. But I did not do that twenty years ago.

What I did do was schedule my first ever hypnotherapy session for the afternoon of my friend’s party to work on those mental and physical symptoms, to work on ME. It was a good session. I think I might have cried during it. Two things that came up were my love for water and for dogs who had always been there with their unconditional love. After that, I swam more at the beach and pool and embraced walking the dogs. I kept working on me.

The week after the party, a close friend mentioned to me that she was sorry I wasn’t able to make the party. I clearly remember my flat response, “I wasn’t invited.” My friend looked surprised and didn’t know what to say. I remember feeling sad and rejected. After that, the friend who had the party announced all her big parties at church and said everyone was welcome. But that’s not what’s important here.

Yesterday, as I happened to drive by the house where my friend had the party, (she doesn’t live there anymore) I remembered feeling rejected and unwanted by the lack of invitation twenty years ago. Then it hit me: Maybe I was being protected. I was pretty sure there was a guy at that party who had flirted with me a few weeks earlier. I might have wanted to date him, but I didn’t get the opportunity. He later got back with his wife. What I’m getting at is that maybe my guardian angels were protecting me, knowing I needed to work on me and to Trust the Timing. That’s what I’m going to believe, because everything eventually worked out for the best.

It is a gift to be able to go back and reframe things from our past in a more positive light or at least gain some new insight. It’s like therapeutic hindsight. I’m thankful that my first marriage ended. Even though that ending was very painful, it eventually made room for something better.

The something better is my husband and first love David who found me again when the timing was perfect.

On Memorial Day, David went with me to the vegan potluck at the sanctuary where I volunteer. I forgot to take pictures of all the food but did remember to show the remnants of cooler corn cooked to perfection by pouring a large pot of boiling water over a full cooler of corn then leaving it closed for about 15 minutes.

Padre, David, and Jake

Padre and David

Padre and David

Cooler Corn leftovers

PS. We’re never really alone. God/Goddess/Great Spirit, angels, or spirit guides are always within reach.

~~~

To learn more about Stream of Consciousness Saturday,

visit our host, Linda Hill

by clicking HERE.

SoCS: It’s Okay to Start Over

Feeling overwhelmed is something I try to avoid. When you’ve lived 67 years, you start to learn what overwhelms you, like too many social events in one week, too many appointments, a crowded room where a lot of people are talking and not being able to hear the person next to you.

Thankfully, I’m not overwhelmed as often as I used to be before I retired. I just have to learn to not take on too much, as in volunteer work, community activism, and damn social events since I have embraced my inner introvert. It’s not that I’m anti-social, but I don’t do well at events that are purely social. Just the thought makes me cringe. So ENOUGH OF THAT!

I’m starting this post over.

But first, here’s my plan:

It might not always happen, but peace is a priority in my life. Do you hear that, mind? Step away from the drama and go to the light.

One of the things I learned in recovery meetings for codependency, overeating, or other side doors to recovery, is this:

“You can start your day over at any time.”

You can start your day over at 11pm if you want to. The past can’t change and maybe I messed up earlier in the day, but nothing can ruin my entire day, because there can be good moments mixed in among the bad ones. But those are judgements. As many of us have learned, something “bad” can eventually turn into something “good.”

In starting the day over, a deep breath can help. In my yoga class, we do this thing where we open our arms wide, raise our hands overhead so that our fingers touch in an overhead arch, then bring our hands straight down in front of our body as we makes a shhhhhhhsh sound. Sometimes I wiggle my fingers like rain is washing away the tension. We so it three times. It’s pretty simple, and I should/will use it more often at home…. or at social events when I retreat to the bathroom.

Starting over. What a good thing to be able to do.

After looking up songs about starting over, this cover was my favorite:

Are we ever too old to start over?

I don’t think so. What I really mean is, hell no!

Happy Mother’s Day to ALL Mothers,

including dog mothers, cat mothers, horse mothers…..

Peace and blessings to all.

~~~

For details on SoCS,

head on over to Linda’s blog

by clicking HERE.

SoCS: Brains, Birds, Trees, Electricity, and Singing in the Wire

Today’s prompt is “wire.”

It’s interesting how many wire thoughts can run through my brain between the time I read the prompt and the time I start writing. Brains are sometimes said to be “hard wired” for certain things. Maybe like, survival. But we don’t hear much about being soft wired for things, which is more often the case. I believe we can override much, ? some, a lot of the wiring in our brains.

I’m wired to be an introvert, but I can override this to a point. Then, I have to have alone time. I like alone time. I might not mind being quarantined, but I don’t want to be sick. I wasn’t going to write about the virus, but it snuck in here, like trash in the stream of consciousness. Damn news. But we need to know some things. I feel sorry for extroverts who get quarantined. I read about some people in Italy singing, but I’m saving that for Good News Tuesday.

Speaking of GNT, I just wrote about… no wait, that was Thursday Tree Love! In TTL (Thursday 🙂 ) I wrote about trees coexisting with electrical wires in the city and the grotesque, well I actually wrote unnatural, forms the electric company cuts the trees into for the electrical wires to have the right of way.  Notice I don’t write “power lines,” because when we lose electricity, we still have power. I made a meme about that. Let me see if I can find it.

This is not the one. It’s just a photo with wires. I bet I have a lot of those.

Okay, I’m still going back for the meme in my computer files….  Here it is:

And then there are the birds on a wire that I wrote about in the post about letting go of my parents’ house. When we were loading the last boxes on the day the house sold, there were four birds on the wire in front of the house. They represented my four family members in heaven (Mom, Dad, and my two sisters.)  Each one flew away, one at a time, and the last one (my father bird) lingered. It was a powerful experience telling me it was okay to let go, to move along in my own journey, that their spirits were alive and well. Oh, yeah, and we were staying at their house when our house was being re-wired.

Here’s that post in case you missed it.

Finally, I keep thinking about a line from a song that goes, “I hear you singing in the wire.” It was a really pretty old song by Glen Campbell. “Wichita Lineman.”  I’m not normally a country music fan, but this song seemed to cross over into 70s soft rock. It always moved me.  Maybe it’s because of the message of hope and perseverance, a love that lives on, and the soothing music.

 

Stay well, everybody! Take good care of yourself. Keep calm and wash your hands.

…

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is brought to us by:

https://lindaghill.com/2020/03/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-14-2020/

Here are the rules:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
8. Have fun!

A Tale of Two Christmas Parties

Our stream of consciousness post for today is, “contrast,” provided by Linda G. Hill at

https://lindaghill.com/2017/12/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-16-17/

Where would we be without the darkness that lets us see the stars at night. The heat of the summer is relieved by coolness of falling leaves. Winter’s cold will give way to the warmth of spring. We seek the sunlight in the cold winter, a place away from the wind. Christmas lights and candlelight are so much more beautiful glowing in the darkness.

Last night, I attended two parties. The first one was related to my husband’s work. There were some moving parts to the speeches of gratitude, lots of smiles and laughter, and singing at the end led by yours truly, because I would like everything to end with a song. But the bright lights in the crowded private room at the all you can eat buffet restaurant made this introvert doing her duty ever so much more appreciative of the second party – a small intimate gathering of people from my church, mostly choir members.

The second party was at a historic old house downtown. Soft browns in the rich dark wood beams and trim inside the house glowed with the reflection of candlelight. I don’t recall any light other than candlelight. Though a few were battery operated candles, a candle chandelier hung from the ceiling over the table full of food I couldn’t eat much of since we’d just come from the trough. Oh, yeah, now I remember, it wasn’t just candlelight, there were soft white strings of Christmas lights wrapped in green garland. In case you can’t tell already, I adore soft lighting. I choose restaurants for the soft lighting even more than the food. Plus, there was soft holiday music: “My Grown Up Christmas List,” “White Christmas,” ….soft, mellow, my kind of music, My mind relaxed into drowsiness as I listened to people I felt comfortable with talking, not feeling that I needed to conversate, but interjecting easily when I felt like it. It was wonderful.

I don’t think I have any more “parties” until New Year’s Eve. No, wait there is one the day after Christmas, that “boxing day” leftover thing. But it will be okay. I’ve got lots of excitement coming up next week, going to pick up my grand daughter – driving 5 plus hours each way – for her first overnight visit at grandma’s house! She can be a handful, so it will be an adventure. After she goes to bed, I intend to light some candles and listen to some mellow music, or watch an old movie and recapture the feeling of total relaxation savoring memories of delight sprinkled on dark chocolate frosting.

(Unfortunately, I was so relaxed at the second party, I didn’t think to take pictures. The one above from Pixabay, sort of captures the feeling.)

Here are the rules for the Saturday Stream of Consciousness:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!