SoCS: If I Knew Then…. Does God Roll Her Eyes?

Today‘s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “new/knew.’” Use one, use both, use them any way you like. Bonus points if you use both. Enjoy!

Thanks for the easy bonus points, Linda, since we can use one to say, Happy New Year! and the other some other way. And also a big thanks to Linda for providing so many prompts for so many weeks and years and helping to create communities on wordpress including SoCS, One-Liner Wednesday, and Just Jot it January which I may or may not do. But Stream of Consciousness Saturday has been a good addiction/addition to my week.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have not made the same mistakes. Would I? But then, I would not be the same person. Mistakes give us compassion for others who make mistakes and hopefully, compassion for ourselves which can sometimes be harder. Forgiving the self…. sigh…. is a process, like most forgivings.

If I knew my high school sweetheart would return to me some day, many years later, would I have gotten married to someone else? I suppose so. Otherwise, I would not have become a mother unless I was a single mother, which I was (unexpectedly) for about ten years anyway. But someone knew. God knew. I guess. Wait. What about free will? That’s too complicated to explore right now.

What I know is that when I was 16, the lady I babysat for told me that if David and I were meant to be together, we would be. That really helped my pining heart and allowed me to go on about my life for 39 years until David and I were ready to meet again.

Some things we just don’t know. Sometimes, we have to put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. But it’s good to know what we know and admit what we don’t.

I know there are a few things I want to do in 2023. Keeping it simple and realistic: Get back to painting with alcohol ink on tile, continuing the de-cluttering process, keep working out, walking, or doing some kind of physical exercise… and love. The word love keeps coming to me. I want to make time for it – romantic, familial, and platonic love. Having reclaimed my inner introvert in retirement, I tend to not seek friends out. With occasional exceptions, I am content to be home with the dog and cat much of the time. I want to listen to my loved ones more and remember that God has a plan for them. I don’t have to try to fix things for them.

A friend on FB shared a quote:

“If you want to make God laugh, tell her your plans.” – Anne Lamott

(Dang! Coulda used that for One-Liner Wednesday. Well, who says I still can’t just because it came along in the stream of consciousness…)

I like to think that when we tell God our plans, God will laugh but also say, “I’ll take it into consideration,” with a smirk or eye roll.

Does God roll her eyes? Is she rolling her eyes at me right now? Does God have eyes? Of course! In some form or other. All seeing eyes.

If my guardian angels knew how much work I would be, especially in my early twenties, would they have signed up? If I get to be someone’s guardian angel after I die, I’ll probably have someone difficult as payback. Oh, but mine haven’t had to work nearly as hard lately! Except when I ask them to look after my grown up children. I can feel my guardian angels rolling their eyes at that.

But here’s the real lesson: If I knew things were going to eventually work out okay, I would not have worried so much. Maybe I’m still learning to trust the timing.

Well, thanks for reading the ramble.

Recent photos from coastal Carolina:

Neighbor’s Camillias

December 13 ~ Hanging on

Christmas Morning

Christmas Morning Ice

May your new year be filled with peace, love, joy, and blessings!

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For more streams and rules about SoCS:

visit our wonderful host, Linda Hill,

by clicking HERE.

When I Stopped Looking, Love Found Me

Today’s prompt for Just Jot it January is, “Looking.” Thanks, for the prompt, Di. And thanks to our host, Linda Hill, for keeping the January Jotting going!

The first thing that came to mind was when I decided to stop looking for my soul mate. It was the year 2011, in January. What if it was January 20? That would be a hoot. I’d been married for 20 years and divorced for about 10. There were two unhealthy, stressful relationships followed by five years of unplanned celibacy when I wondered why no one interesting was interested in me. I had described to God what I was looking for, but it wasn’t happening.

The on-line dating scene was not working at all, and neither was going to community events where I hoped to find someone with common interests. But maybe the community events were working in the sense that I was going for me and reclaiming my interests as well as meeting new friends with common interests.

So, in January of 2011, I was looking at some on-line dating site and got disgusted with shallow, adolescent minded men my age looking for younger women. I tried to be cynical, but that only worked sometimes. I promised myself that I would stop looking, especially online, until my daughter graduated from high school in June. Then maybe I’d have some adventures of my own.

The two of us took a mother-daughter trip by train to my hometown of Washington DC. We stayed with friends, rode the subway and went to museums. My daughter graduated on the first Saturday in June. On the Monday after that, I found a Facebook message from my long-lost high school sweetheart. It had been 39 years since we’d had any contact. He’d been living in New England all that time and was working as a fire fighter/EMT. More importantly, he had three dogs! Must love dogs was on the top of my soulmate list!

Well, to fast forward, we got married on December 1, 2012. (We thought about 12/12/12, but that was a Wednesday.) Want to read the whole story? Click on my book cover for Trust the Timing, on the right side bar above.

1972

2011 Second First Date

December 1, 2012

Must Love Dogs

2016

2018

For more Just Jot January posts, go looking at Linda’s blog HERE.

SoCS: Betcha By Golly Dr. Seuss Knew a Thing or Two

Our prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “golly gee.” Use “golly gee” or another interjection that displays the same sentiment in your post. Enjoy! Thanks, Linda!

Golly gee whiz! Gee willikers! Wiskers on a fish! Fish who can talk! Dr. Seuss knew all about them. So many things we have yet to see. After all, “the universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” That’s one of my favorite quotes, but I don’t know who said it, right this minute.

Expressions of amazement like, golly gee, remind me of my dad and the 1960s. Sometimes he’d say,
“Holy Mackerel!” or “Holy Mackerel Andy!” Maybe it was in response to one of his children getting an A on a test. Maybe it was when he caught a big fish. Maybe when he saw something amazing on TV, in living color no less, like a giant horse or a flying saucer. No, something bigger, something fantastic! I can’t think of what that would be right now. But the TV is on now (Friday night) and “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” is coming on, so we go back to Dr. Seuss.

I like the animated version of The Grinch better than the one with actors. I guess there’s a nostalgia in the sweet singing of the Whos down in Whoville. A lot happened in those 30 minutes. My favorite line is the one about,

Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas means a little bit more.

Something like that.

Those old expressions of amazement are lots of fun, they’re the cat’s meow, a real humdinger, like that Dr. Seuss guy.

The first song I thought of when I read the prompt was “Betcha By Golly Wow, by the Stylistics. It doesn’t get much smoother than this. 1972. Golly, that was a year to remember! My high school sweetheart left me standing there for the long and winding road so we could both grow up and grow up some more, till the time was right for another Betcha by Golly Wow.

Thanks to our Stream of Consciousness Saturday host Linda Hill for this fun prompt! For rules and more streams, visit Linda’s post here.

SoCS: A Lucky Pig’s Lullaby and Angel Clouds in the Sky

Here’s our prompt for today from our host, Linda Hill:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “luck.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

Is there really any such thing as luck? Anything is possible. But I think more times than not, we make our own luck. Regardless of whether we have good luck or bad luck, God can help us use the situation for something good. It might take a while. Was I lucky that my high school sweetheart found me so many years later at the perfect time? I don’t think it was luck at all. I believe it was meant to happen just that way and that my hopes and prayers nudged it along. Sometimes our prayers aren’t anwered. Or maybe they are and the answer is no, or not yet. Or wait and see. I had work to do to become ready and so did he.

Maybe animals can have good luck or bad luck. I don’t know. But the animals at the sanctary where I’ve been volunteering were lucky to be rescued from factory farms or petting zoos. Tuesday, I sang to a pig named Francis. He was trying to take a nap, but I think he liked the singing.

Do you rememember this song from the movie, Babe? It’s a sweet movie about a young pig who learns how to herd sheep. Maybe some day, more pigs will get lucky.

Was it lucky to see these angels shapes in the clouds at the beach? Maybe.

I enhanced the color to make it easier to see.

Sometimes they look like birds or angels, maybe even clouds.

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For more lucky streams of consciousness, rules, and more, visit Linda at:

https://lindaghill.com/2021/08/13/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-14-2021/

SoCS: Hope for the Best and Trust the Timing

Linda picked my favorite word for today’s prompt: HOPE!

If you can’t find faith, look for hope. Hope will lead you to faith.

About 15 years ago, I was afraid to hope. Romance was not working out for me at all, so I tried not to want a partner. I tried to become cynical about men. I decided to focus on myself and my daughter, friendship, and of course my most loyal companions, the dogs.

But hope snuck back in. I read about manifesting, and visualizing. Of course, this was AFTER I had worked on myself some. For five years, I hadn’t dated anyone beyond a coffee shop visit. No one interesting seemed interested in me. Now, I know that was all part of the plan created by God, the Universe, my guardian angels who were tired of my dating messes and lessons. They all knew I had work to do on me first.

At the same time I was working on me, licking my wounds, and finding my footing again, my high school sweetheart and long lost first love was doing the same – working on himself. We were becoming ready.

Have you seen my wild woman photo? It was taken around that time when I was working on me. My daughter and I had gone on a trip to the mountains. I love this photo.

It was comfortably dark in the forest, and I’m resisting the urge to edit this photo.

I see that I posted it back in 2013. Well, here it is again. I thought I was lonely, but I was finding myself. My authentic self. I’m guessing this was taken around 2006, but that’s just a guess.

Well, here we are in 2021. David and I are coming up on the ten year anniversary of our second first date which was July 15, 2011. We were so nervous and excited. He says he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I told my heart to calm down! But we both knew this was extra special. In October, the company he had worked for in Connecticut for 35 years told him it was time to retire. That spring he moved in with his 3 dogs to make our five pack. In December of 2012, we made it official. I know you’ve seen that photo before. But maybe the five pack one not as often.

David and I walking the five pack.

The five pack is gone now. They’ve all crossed over the rainbow bridge in the past ten years. I miss them and hope to see them in heaven. That’s more than a hope. Do I have faith that I’ll see my dogs in heaven? Yes. God knows how important this is to me.

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst if it’s likely to happen, but don’t spend a lot of time on that. It’s like with tropical storms and hurricanes. We knew Elsa would not do as much damage as a big hurricane, so we didn’t spend much time preparing. Just a little.

We can strengthen ourselves for the difficult times as we hope for the best. Like my favorite quote goes:

I hope you are well and at peace as much as you can be. Enjoy the hopes that come your way. Nurture them and they will become exactly what they are meant to be when the time is right.

For more streams of hope, visit our host, Linda Hill at:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS July 10, 2021 | (lindaghill.com)

One-Liner Wednesday: On Being Late

Sometimes being late is right on time.

Sometimes late is late. I have to admit that up front, because I tend to run late. I stay up late. I like to sleep late. I was a late bloomer. Often I’ll get to a WP neighbor’s blog post late, but it seems to be right when I needed to read it. I was generally on time for work – thank God I don’t have that obligation anymore. I’m on time for doctor appointments which I try to schedule in the afternoon. I’m on time for church since my husband is a morning person and my awareness that he likes to be early nudges me along.

We were both in our 50s when the love of my life found me again. That seems late in life, but it was right on time. I had promised myself I’d stop looking for a partner until after my daughter graduated from high school. The day after her graduation ceremony is when my high school sweetheart found me again. It took 39 years of learning and growth for us to be ready to meet again. (Click my book cover on the sidebar if you want to learn more.)

I’m planning to share the FB message David sent me on Sunday or Monday. He says he sent it on Sunday June 13, 2011. FB says June 14. I’ll probably go with David. He’s always on time.

For more one liners please visit our host, Linda Hill at One-Liner Wednesday – Late to the party | (lindaghill.com)

JusJoJan: The Spell was in His Smell

1972

JoAnna’s brain kept nagging her. Be careful! People are on their best behavior when you first meet them.

But this isn’t the first time we’ve met him, said her heart.

A lot can change in 39 years. Yeah, he was a good guy when you dated in high school, but who knows what he might really be like now. For all we know, he could be a —-

“Don’t go there,” JoAnna intervened before her brain’s imagination ran down the dark road. “Let’s just wait and see. What we do know is that he has been working as a firefighter and EMT for the past 15 years. That should at least count for something. I’m taking it slow.”

I’ve heard that before, said her brain.

Shush! said her heart. Last night was wonderful. He was a perfect gentleman. Our second first date…. And that kiss….. our second first kiss…. it was divine. This was meant to be. You know, there’s the timing. And we’ve had all those phone conversations. He drove all the way down here from Connecticut!

Well, just remember, JoAnna, said her brain, “Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.” The brain really should be in charge anyway. You know how much trouble the heart has gotten you in to. Not to mention the body….

“Enough!” JoAnna said. “I’ve got to get some sleep! Big day tomorrow.”

On their second second date, David and JoAnna went to the beach to watch the summer sunset. She leaned back against his strong chest and felt the comfortable security of his well-muscled arms wrapped around her. She kept both her heart and brain quiet as they watched the golden light spread across the horizon and reflect on the intracoastal waterway. David continued to be a perfect gentleman which the brain and heart both liked, though the body was slightly annoyed.

Sunday was their last day together before David returned to Connecticut. After church, they sat on the couch in JoAnna’s living room. They talked very little and mostly absorbed the weekend and each other’s presence. JoAnna placed her head on his shoulder then lifted her nose to his neck. She inhaled deeply. The result was intoxicating.

“You smell good,” She murmured. “Are you wearing any cologne or anything?”

“No. I guess it’s just me.”

She lifted his hand and smelled the inside of his wrist. It smelled good, too, but not as good as his neck. Her nose lingered just below his ear as she continued to breath deeply falling under the spell of his pheromones. It started to dawn on her. He had been her first boyfriend back in 1972. His smell had been imprinted on her brain.

This could be dangerous, whispered her brain.

Just shut up and enjoy it, her heart said dreamily.

We have to stick together, said her brain. Don’t go anywhere without me.

Yeah, whatever.

___

If you’d like to read more about the romance of JoAnna and David and what it took for them to find each other after 39 years, read Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again, or the short version, From Loneliness to Love. Just click on the books in the right sidebar above.

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Today’s Just Jot January prompt was the word, “spell.” For more jottings and info, visit our host, Linda Hill at:

#JusJoJan prompt the 21st – “Spell” | (lindaghill.com)

One-Liner Wednesday: Nothing’s Off the Table

On July 15, 2011, I had my second first date with my high school sweetheart. It had been 39 years since we last saw each other, though the second first date was preceded by Facebook messages, emails, and phone calls that lifted my 55 year old heart like I was a teenager again. The date started with dinner at a casual restaurant near the river. As we sat across from each other in the cozy booth, David reassured me of a guideline we established in an early phone call:

“Nothing’s off the table.”

The dating books said to not bring up past relationships or issues that might scare off a potential partner. But we’d both been unpleasantly surprised over those 39 years by people who  were on their best behavior at first. We didn’t want to waste time, and we didn’t want any BIG surprises. So we asked lots of questions and shared about our past successes, mistakes, and lessons learned – not all on that second first date, but over the next several months of a long-distance romance. We’ve been married 6 and a half years now. But I can still remember the butterflies of our second first date, the after dinner walk along the river, and the second first kiss.

You can read the whole story in Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again.

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For more one-liners, visit Linda G. Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2019/07/10/one-liner-wednesday-so-much-water/

Here are the guidelines:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our lovely new badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

Have You Ever Really Hugged a Tree?

Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt is “spoke.”

We had not spoken in 39 years when my high school sweetheart called me in June of 2011. My heart was all atwitter. In our first phone conversation (the second time around) I spoke clearly the thing I wanted him to know:

“I’m a tree hugger,” I told him.

“I”m a tree hugger, too,” he replied.

Did he really hug trees? I doubted it. I’ll have to ask him that, if he’s ever really hugged a tree. He didn’t know then, that I’m more like a crazy tree lady. When I hug trees, they don’t want me to let go.

Of course he clearly loved dogs, which was even more important. He had three dogs and I had two, so we had quite a houseful when he moved in a year or so later.

Trees, dogs, plants…. just some of the things I love like crazy. But I have too many plants, and I really want to de-clutter. So today I’m giving away plants at my house. Spider plant babies, snake plants, maybe a peace lily, and cuttings. It’s hard to get rid of things, but I’m learning (from my parent’s house) that it also feels good to make space. Opens up possibilities.

Later today, I’ll join the “Grandmothers for Peace” at a table for the Earth Day celebration at the park. Maybe I’ll take a couple of spider plant babies with me. 🙂

Happy Earth Day weekend!

This is about 30% of my indoor plant population since I moved a bunch outside.

The Saturday Stream of Consciousness is brought to you by our host, Linda G. Hill. You can find more streams at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/04/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-21-18/

Here are the rules:

1.Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Six Years Ago

It was six years ago today, probably around 8PM, that I got this Facebook message from my high school sweetheart after 39 years of no contact:

Greetings to you! After many years I hope you are well. Take care and be safe!

After that, everything changed.

You can read all about the 39 years, what it took for us to be ready to meet again, and what happened next, in my memoir which will be available this summer!