Last week, I worked on cleaning out my attic. It was a dirty, sneezy job. I hauled paper and cardboard to the recycle bin, trashed the un-recyclables, and salvaged the action figures for my grandsons.
But the coolest thing I found in the attic was my poetry notebook from high school.
One poem written in 1972 is “prophetic” as my husband called it. David’s family moved away at the end of tenth grade. I must have written this right after he left, hoping against the odds that I would see him again and believing our love would stay alive.
I was so full of hope at 16. Angsty hope. But David didn’t answer my last letter that summer of ’72, and life went on. Over the years, my first love became a distant memory.
If I’d found this notebook in my 30s, I would have shaken my head and thought, “How sappy.” But now, it reinforces that this love story was meant to be. Our love never died. It just went dormant and waited quietly for 39 years.
You can read about those 39 years and the lessons we learned along the way in
Did I really know our love would stay alive? Or did I help manifest our re-connection? Was it all part of God’s plan? Did the angels see a window of opportunity and nudge us in the right direction?
I vote for all of the above.
Oh, how I wish today’s teenagers only had learning and love to deal with.
Toady’s Stream of consciousness prompt is the word, WHEN. We are to start our post with that word. Does that mean it has to be all caps? Does that mean we are emphasizing the word, WHEN? Yelling it? Like, when I would ask my teenagers many years ago (though not that many) WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM?
When I first saw this prompt, the first thing that popped into my head was an old song from many years ago (yes many) by The Lettermen, “When I Fall in Love.” Such a goopy, romantic song that went like this: “When I fall in love, it will be forever, or I’ll never fall in love…” It was a set up for heartbreak.
I just looked the song up, and it appears it came out in 1962, at least by the harmonic Lettermen. I would have been 7 years old, so it’s not like I was thinking all the time about falling in love, though I did have a “boyfriend,” but that’s another story I might not ever tell. Most likely, my sister, who was 10 years older than me, listened to it on a transistor radio, or on The Ed Sullivan Show. That’s how it got into my head that falling in love would be forever, so when my first true love moved back to Connecticut at the end of 10th grade, after we’d gone steady for just 7 months, I was even more heartbroken because of that song!
Of course, I had another boyfriend by the end of the summer. But not before quite a bit of pining, and crying, and writing letters, because love was supposed to be FOREVER!
There are a few old boyfriends who I never want to see again, a couple I’m curious about, and one I run into now and then. That love was not forever. But my first love, who came back many, many years later, WHEN we were ready, maybe that WAS forever. What I mean is, maybe it was meant to be forever from the beginning.
There are some people I will love forever: my kids, my parents, and my first love, just to name a few. My grand kids, dogs, God, and Jesus have my forever love, too.
Here’s the song. I still like the harmonies. It’s not such a bad song. It’ll take you back if you’ve been there before.
The Saturday Stream of Consciousness is brought to you by Linda G. Hill who blogs at:
Where you can see more Stream of Consciousness writing.
Here are the rules:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
When I saw today’s theme was to share a song surrounding a happy memory, I wanted to find one from 1972, the year I fell in love for the first time. When I looked at the list for the top 100 songs from that year, there were so many good ones! But it was the sad songs I remembered best. In 1972, My first love moved 700 miles awayat the end of the school year. “Precious and Few,” by Bread, was bittersweet, and Harry Nilsson’s “Without You,” made me wail.
Then, I came across “I Can See Clearly Now,” by Johnny Nash. It didn’t make a big impression on me when it came out in 72, but it has brought me comfort and affirmation over the years.
In 2003, I had just broken free from the blinding rebound from hell and was on a freedom road trip with my almost teenage daughter. We sang a lot on road trips back then. When I taught her Helen Reddy’s “I am Woman,” she was not as enthusiastic as I’d hoped, but maybe that’s because I sang it at the top of my lungs. On our way home, a rainbow appeared in front of us, and the song, “I Can See Clearly Now” came to me. Or maybe it came on the radio. Anyway, it became my victory song for that year. It packs a powerful dose of hope.
Today, my physical eyesight is not so clear, but my spirit can see clearly that things work out wonderfully when the time is right. I am grateful beyond words.
Right before I read today’s Stream of Consciousness Prompt, I was outside picking up mimosa flowers in my backyard. Some people seem to find mimosas a nuisance. The flowers are everywhere, littering, NO, not littering, gracing my back steps, patio and yard. I think mimosas are delightful. They are not “invasive” to me. They are prolific. And their flowers are intoxicating – mildly intoxicating. When I pick up a mimosa flower and breathe in it’s gentle fragrance, my eyes close and roll back a bit in my head.
Mimosa fragrance is milder than honeysuckle, my other favorite flower smell. Gardenia is nice, but it can be a bit much. Another smell I love is a wood fire. I don’t much like sleeping on the ground any more, but I remember going camping in years passed and not wanting to wash my clothes because of the smell of wood smoke bringing back memories of sitting around the fire and looking at the stars.
And I can’t leave out the intoxicating smell of my first love when he found me again after 39 years. I hope you don’t get tired of me writing about that, but I might have some new followers who don’t know about it. It’s just fascinating to me how intoxicating I found his smell when we first reconnected in 2011. My nose would linger over his neck and drink in the mild, almost imperceptible scent of his skin. That scent must have imprinted hard on my 16 year old brain. That’s just one of the many things you can read about when my book comes out sometimes this summer. Maybe even next month…. I wonder if it will smell good. Don’t you just love the smell of old books, or new books? Kinda weird for a lover of trees to love the smell of books and burning wood. Sorry about that trees. What can I say? Smell is complicated.
Today’s SocS prompt, “smell,” is brought to you by, Linda G. Hill at:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
Since I often use the word, soulmate, That Girl’s post: The Soulmate Phenomenon, grabbed my attention. It got me thinking about the word, “soulmate,” which can mean different things to different people. I never liked the expression, “my other half,” or “my better half.” I am not half a person. My soul was okay without a human partner, especially having human and animal friends who loved me. Yet, at times, I did feel like something was missing. I considered that annoying void carefully. If my soulmate was still out there, I didn’t want to get side tracked (again) by an impostor. I clarified what qualities my soulmate would have.
Here are some things I’ve learned about soulmates:
What is a soulmate? The word, soulmate sounds romantic, but for me, it goes beyond romance. It’s someone who is a good fit – not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. My soulmate is someone who nourishes my soul, my true self, the part of me that will live on into eternity. My soulmate was meant for me. He gets me.
Who Can it Be? Can we have more than one soulmate? I believe so. I probably thought my first husband was my soulmate. At first we were a good fit. But in the twenty years we were married, we both changed and grew in different directions. I think I changed more than he did. He would probably agree, but I wouldn’t swear to it. My soul was pretty shaken when he left. After that, I had a much deeper appreciation for my friends. It’s possible that a close friend or relative could be a soulmate.
When is he (or she) going to get here? A soulmate comes when we are ready. He or she may leave and come back again. The man I am now married to was my first love. We dated for less than a year, then he was gone – a sweet memory for 39 years – until the time was right. Though he says it would not have worked out when we were younger, we are clearly a good fit, now. He nourishes my soul. He feels like my soulmate. Maybe he’s my super soulmate.
Why Care? It’s different for everyone, but having a partner or close friend to share life with is a comfort, and in many cases, increases longevity, as long as that person is a good fit, someone who respects you and doesn’t add constant stress to your life. Being with someone who understands and nurtures us, improves the quality of life. Soulmates encourage healthy growth and well being in one another.
How to find one? In my April newsletter, I’ll be sharing about the five steps I took that helped my soulmate find me. Here’s the overview:
Clarify desires
Turn it over
Work on YOU
Focus on friendship
Imagine!
For details coming next week, sign up for my monthly newsletter at the sidebar on the right.
Helen was excited about her theme for today’s Song Lyric Sunday, and I can see why. Road trips! For today’s theme, we are asked to post our favorite road trip song or a song about road trips. I remember that sense of adventure when we’d get up before dawn to get a jump on the traffic. Ah the memories! Even packing can be exciting. Veering off the path a bit and taking the long way home, 😉 I’m sharing one of my all time favorites, one more time. This song by the Beatles became even more dear to me when my first love returned four decades later. I imagine it as part of the soundtrack if when my book becomes a movie.
“The Long and Winding Road,” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I’ve seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door
The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here
Let me know the way
Many times I’ve been alone
And many times I’ve cried
Any way you’ll never know
The many ways I’ve tried
But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me waiting here
A long long time ago
Don’t leave me standing here
Lead me to your door
I never would have imagined that at the age of 56, after twenty years of marriage and the unexpected divorce that brought me to my knees, after the rebound from hell followed by the rebound from purgatory, and after five years of celibacy when I almost gave up on romance, that I would end up marrying the love of my life.
God had a plan all along. We just had to be ready. Not perfect, just ready to work on our stuff together.
It was around this time in 1971 that I met my first love at my best friend’s party. So, I thought you might like to read about that in the following excerpt from Chapter 1 my upcoming book, Trust the Timing.
October’s cool air finally brought relief from the summer heat and added restless excitement to the new school year. Terry and I had been hanging out in her room, lamenting about not having boyfriends. Then her eyes lit up.
“I know! Let’s have a party!”
“You mean a Halloween party?”
“No. That’s for kids. I’m talkin’ about a cool party. Maybe my parents will let us have it in the garage.”
This would be nothing like our usual Saturday night sleepovers. No Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. No Chef Boyardee pizza in a box. No prank phone calls. It would be our first real high school party with boys, and possibilities swirled around in my head.
In two months, I would be sixteen and still had not had a decent first kiss. That awkward moment in the backyard with Harold from down the street laying on top of me didn’t count. His impatient kiss bruised my lips with urgent pressure. It lacked imagination and certainly didn’t get him any further.
Our friend Caroline, the one with the big, beautiful lips, loved kissing and described kisses that sounded like the exact opposite of Harold’s, like the luxurious kiss that lasted the entire length of the song, “Crystal Blue Persuasion.” I wondered if I would ever have kiss like that.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” she encouraged. “Just let it happen naturally.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Terry argued. “I still can’t forget Tommy Rayburn putting his bubble gum in my mouth when he kissed me. It was disgusting! I had more fun kissing my bedroom mirror.”
Before the party, Terry and I plastered one wall of her parents’ garage with psychedelic black light posters across from her Bob Dylan poster on the other side. Along with Dylan, we played Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. A friend brought over a flashing strobe light with the warning that it could make some people feel sick if you left it on too long, so we used it sparingly.
As people arrived through the kitchen and started mingling, Terry and I looked at each other and grinned. This was going to be good. Her parents hardly checked on us, but greeted people at the front door and directed them to the garage. We were pretty well behaved anyway. If anything bad happened, it happened in the back seat of somebody’s car, though few of us had cars back then.
I felt a wave of shyness as the room started to fill up, and went to sit on the large trunk at the back of the garage. Terry floated from person to person, welcoming everyone and laughing. I was satisfied to sit back and take in the scene.
In walked this tall, lean guy who grabbed my attention right away. He must have been at least 6 feet tall. At 5’8, I was still awkwardly taller than most guys my age. He looked a lot older than someone in tenth grade, like he could easily pass for a senior. He wore an olive green military field jacket over a T-shirt and jeans. His wavy blond hair fell over his eyebrows but didn’t cover his ears. He smiled slightly as someone caught his attention. Caroline waved at him from across the room with a big smile, and he walked over to her. I realized he must be the one she invited from her French class.
I surveyed the room thinking maybe I should try to mingle. But it was so much easier to just watch. I looked back at the tall guy standing with Caroline and a couple other people. It wasn’t just his height that attracted me. There was something about him, a look of maturity in his soft eyes as he listened, not saying much. His focus drifted from the conversation, and he caught me staring at him. The 7UP bubbles dancing in my paper cup suddenly became very interesting.
From my perch, I watched out of the corner of my eye as he walked over to the cooler to get a soda. When the strobe light came back on, I lost sight of him as more people came in.
“Turn that damn thing off!” somebody yelled a couple minutes later.
When the regular lights came back on, I started to scan the room and almost jumped when he appeared on my right, standing next to the trunk, like he’d always been there.
Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt is the word, “art.”
That’s both easy and hard. I have lots of posts about art, and I don’t want to repeat myself too much. Maybe I could have some fun with this.
Always
Rings
True
At the
Right
Time
Atoms
Run
Through
Along
Revelries
Thine.
Angels
Rise
To
Assist
Real
Touch of
Aquamarine
Rays
Toward
Alabaster
Refuge
Temples.
I had no idea that was going to happen. But art has returned to my life like my first love did, when the time was right. I had a feeling art would come back into my life. I’ve been thinking for years, “I’m supposed to be panting angels.” Now, I finally have begun. Writing the above acrostics led me to recall my most recent angel painting, below.
Rescue. (Acrylic on canvas by JoAnne Silvia)
To join in and/or read other Stream of Consciousness posts, visit:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
I met my first love in the fall of 1971, when I was 16 years old. I felt like my heart would break when he had to move 700 miles back to Connecticut with his family. A lady I babysat for told me that if we were meant to be together, we would be. That helped.
As broken hearted as I was over my first boyfriend moving, after we’d only gone steady for about 7 months, suicide never seriously crossed my mind.
The first time I thought about suicide was in my early twenties. I thought about walking out in front of a truck. It had to do with the break up with another boyfriend, and not knowing what I was going to do with my life. ….But my younger sister had been killed by a drunk driver and that hurt my parents so much, I could not hurt them in that way. They didn’t deserve that much pain….
It’s a darn good thing I didn’t kill myself! Because I would have missed out on many joys and adventures. Countless joys, and countable sorrows that helped me learn and grow. I was happily married for many years, gave birth to two extraordinary children, climbed mountains, swam in the ocean, laughed and danced and learned to play the guitar and sing…..
When my 20 year marriage ended, I was depressed. A counselor asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I told her I could never consider doing that to my children and my parents. I just wanted the pain to stop. So I got into a sick, addictive relationship. I didn’t know it was sick and addictive at first, but being vulnerable, at a low, low point in my life, it was pretty bad. Thankfully it only lasted a year. Which was a year too long.
The second post divorce relationship I got into was better, but definitely not “the one.” By the third year in that second relationship, I realized that I was never really able to relax with the man.
The third time was a charm. I’d been single and celibate for 5 years, working on me, when my first boyfriend found me again (39 years later) when the time was perfect!
The second, first time I saw him, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest with joy. Our second, first date was magic! When my nose drifted to his neck and inhaled his natural scent, I felt intoxicated. My brain had imprinted the natural smell of my first love all those years ago. I still adore his subtle, almost imperceptible scent.
You never know what plans God had in store for you.
Don’t ever give up. Miracles happen!
Today’s Stream of Consciousness post prompt was to use an ordinal number, like first, second, third, ……
If you’d like to jump into the stream, start here:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
Anything is Possible! 