SoCS: Taking the Easy Trail on Thanksgiving Day

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “on your/my plate.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!

You don’t have to eat everything on your plate in one sitting. You can save some for later. Put it in the fridge. Maybe even the freezer. This has been a weight loss strategy for me. Sometimes it works. I tell myself I can still have the rest of the food or a second helping. I will just have it tomorrow. (Unless I go back and get it at 9pm as a bedtime snack.)

The exception may be Thanksgiving dinner which traditionally has been a time when a lot of us overeat. I certainly ate more sweets on Thursday than usual since I usually don’t eat sweets… much.

There have been plenty of times when I’ve had too much on my plate and not always food. Responsibilities taken on due to interest, a sense of obligation, or not saying no, may need to be put in the frig, the back burner, or prioritized. Delegated maybe.

We packed a lot into Thanksgiving Day in the Appalachian Mountains and drove back home to the coast on Friday. Thursday morning, we went to Linville Falls and took the short, easy trail since my knee has been bothering me. I got a stretchy sleeve to put on my knee which helped a lot, though it falls down after a while which is better than being too tight. I also wore my compression socks to help with my heel spurs. I’m very thankful I was able to hike the half mile or so to the falls and decided not to continue on to the uphill climb to get the view further along the falls. That will be next time. That hike will go in the freezer maybe for next year.

That afternoon, my son cooked practically the whole dinner of mostly vegan food, while I helped my granddaughter with a school project on temperate forests. We ate too much and then went for a walk along the nearby river trail. Then we went back to the house and had pumpkin pie, macaroons, and vegan ice cream sandwiches. Everything was delicious! My granddaughter and I set up the nativity stable made by my father many years ago and then decorated the Christmas tree. Whew! It was a busy day. But not too much. I’m thankful to have been with family in the mountains. Still, it’s good to be home!

Now, to see if I can find the photos….

In the fourth photo, do you see the profile in the rock on the right? It has bushy hair.

Linville River

David, Marley and my son

Linville Falls

See the Rock Head?

David, Marley and Me

Blue Ridge Mountains

Mostly Vegan Dinner

After Dinner Walk

My granddaughter arranged the figures in my dad’s stable.

~~~

For more SoCS rules and posts, put Linda’s blog on your plate.

She’s our persevering host.

One Liner Wednesday: “… all the honor students were girls.” Mama Bear Stories from the Past

This post is a little longer than the usual 1linerWeds post, but I wanted to honor my mother-in-law Carol who told me these stories during our recent visit. Turns out this sweet, mild mannered lady was quite a “Mama Bear” back in the day. In the 1960s, there was no kindergarten in the small New England town where she was raising three sons. Carol helped create a kindergarten in a model home donated by a new housing development. She took care of a two-year-old so his certified teacher mom could teach the class. A year later, the state mandated schools have kindergartens.

Not long after that, Carol helped create a library for the school so the kids wouldn’t have to use the town library. Carol and her friends researched the standards, got a room in the school, ordered books, and typed up the cards for the card catalog. The all-volunteer library lasted for almost 10 years until a new school was built with a library.

When Carol reported that the school bus was over capacity, the school told her she had to get a police officer to count the kids on the bus for confirmation, before they could get a second bus. Of course she made it happen.

Years later, after having dealt with the challenges of two intelligent sons (including my husband) being bored and restless in middle school, Carol decided she didn’t want that to happen again with her equally intelligent and bored youngest son. She told the school her son was bored and needed to be in the advanced honors class since his grades were good enough. She was told no, because he was a boy and

.…all the honor students were girls.

Carol went to the principle and then to the Board of Edcation and told them she wanted her son in the advanced honors class. She finally got permission. After that more moms with boys got their sons in the honors class.

Here are some old photos of my husband David as a child:

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  With Grandpa

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  David in the foreground.
  Looks like middle school

• 

  He’d rather be out on the field.

For more one-liners and guidelines, which I bent today, visit our host, Linda Hill

SoCS: Puzzle Pieces and Loving the Unvaccinated

Today’s Friday excellent prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is…… “puzzle.” Use it any way you’d like!

Puzzles are a big part of life. Big puzzles and little puzzles. Hard puzzles that take years and years to figure out, like, Is there a life partner out there for me, and where the hell is he? What’s taking so long? Oh, I need to work on me first. Finally figured that out. Now it makes sense. Self love and spirituality were pieces of the puzzle. And it wasn’t all about me.

There are easy puzzles, too, like what to have for dinner. What should go in the soup? Some things don’t fit, but must do if you’re willing to be adventurous. And then there are all those in between puzzles.

People could be like puzzle pieces. We need lots of different pieces. The best puzzles are diverse, with lots of different colors. Some of us are on the edges, some in the middle, and there are cornerstones. With buildings, cornerstones are important. And there’s more than one. Maybe even more than four. I don’t know.

What happens when we are missing pieces to our puzzles of life? We wait. We search, or we accept. Maybe we could even make our own piece of the puzzle. Like cut it out of cardboard and color it just right to fit. Maybe it will work. Then maybe we find the other piece. Or not. It’s okay.

It’s puzzling that some people refuse to get vaccinated and refuse or resist wearing masks. Some of them are my family members who I love dearly, and so I worry about them. I can’t just write them off. When I work to try to understand their reasons for not being vaccinated or wearing masks, there is more than one reason. But when I really listen, deep down it is about fear. Misguided, irrational, and confused, in my opinion, but still fear, not selfishness. I don’t know the answer, and I don’t know if I can change their minds. Still, I let them know about my friend who died from Covid and my friend’s son who died from covid last week at the age of 36. Neither were vaccinated. Still, I love them, my unvaccinated loved ones, with a little more distance, but just as much love as ever.

Here are a few photos from my grand daughter’s 10th birthday party. It was all about unicorns!

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  Unicorn Cake

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  Unicorn  Piñata

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  Birthday Princess

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  Cousins

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  with Matching Rainbow Dresses

• 

  I don’t want to watch.

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  Grandma Necklace

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  Time to Go Home

• 

  Unicorn Dreamin’

For more on Stream of Consciousness Saturday, visit our host, Linda Hill, at :

https://lindaghill.com/2021/09/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-18-2021/

Feelings From My Eleven Year Old Self

Writing my family history from my parents’ perspective is emotionally hard right now. The idea that it could some day become a novel is distant. I’m writing about the time when my dad was in Vietnam and my mom was trying to cope with her anxiety and depression and what do to with the family dog. That is the gigantic issue for me. Hoppy.

Hoppy 1967

I was 11 years old. Hoppy, a Newfoundland/Shepherd mix was my confidant. We had moved from Philadelphia to Michigan to New York staying with other families while Dad was in Vietnam. That summer we would stay in Quantico until dad finally got stationed at Camp Lejeune again.

Hoppy had been with us through each move. But something happened to him that spring in New York. I don’t know the truth. My mom made up as story about a sick little girl who needed him more than I did. I believed it. I suppose it could be true. Now, at the age of 65, I wade through my dad’s letters from Vietnam with fear as I approach the possibility of more clues. Any day now, I could read a letter that tells me more about what happened to Hoppy. My parents loved each other very much. It was a terribly hard time for them. I’m trying to look at the big picture and have compassion for all. I wrote this note to myself in my work in progress:

Note to self: Step back and look at the big picture with compassion for all. Allow your feelings. The truth is you don’t know what happened You might was well imagine something good.

So I tried to imagine Hoppy being adopted by a loving family. Then the grief broke through from that 11 year old girl who was me.

I LOVED HIM.

The sobs came and I prayed for guidance, for comfort. All I can do right now is reach back across the 54 years to that eleven year old girl whose body was changing in crazy ways, whose father was in Vietnam, whose mother was on the verge of another nervous breakdown, the girl whose dog was gone – and wrap my arms around her and hold her and tell her she is going to get through this.

In 1967, that eleven year old girl learned to shut down her feelings. She focused on school work and escaped into Star Trek. But she still had that pain and confusion buried all those years ago trying to accept the story her mother told her about her dog.

I guess that’s enough writing for today.

Here’s a family photo from happier times. Probably right after Dad got back from Vietnam since he’s pretty thin.

I’m the big girl on the right wearing hushpuppies.

I wrote this before checking the prompt for Just Jot January which is “button.” I guess we never know when we’re going to bump into a button that takes us back to our childhood, for better or worse, offering an opportunity for healing.

Linda’s Just Jot January story looks interesting. Click the following link for details:

#JusJoJan prompt the 15th – “Button” | (lindaghill.com)

A Letter to My Past Self About Reasons to Keep Living

This post is inspired by Eliza at: https://elizajourneythroughlife.home.blog/

I’m sending this back in time to myself whenever it’s needed most, sometime in my late teens or early twenties when I had thoughts about suicide. 

Dear JoAnne, 

It’s me, your future self, writing this to you when I am 65 years old which doesn’t feel as old as I thought it would back then when I was 20. Believe me, there is plenty of life to live. 

I know this is hard time for you. I know you are confused and lost trying to figure out what to do with your life. I know your heart aches and that you’ve had thoughts of giving up. Don’t give up!  It’s very important that you know life will get better. There will be hard times ahead. There will be times when you feel your heart is breaking, but the good times will vastly, surely, and greatly outweigh the bad. When I look back at all the good times over the past 45 years, I am so grateful that I didn’t give up.

You will gradually gain the skills to navigate and overcome the hard times. Things that seem impossible now, will someday be easier or less important. 

There are good times, wonderful times, ahead with the constants in your life: nature, art, writing, dogs, horses, cats, learning, and spirituality. These are the things you need to focus on now – the true loves of your life that always nurture your spirit and feed your soul. There will be love. Love from men, friends, and family. Your parents love you very much, even more than you can realize right now since you haven’t had children, yet, but you will. The love of family and friends is important. For now, don’t worry about the men, especially the ones who act like boys. You deserve love that is kind and caring, mature and strong. It might take a while, but you will have it. For now focus on loving yourself. 

You are valuable! You are worth so much more than you know. You have so much to give to this world with all your gifts, gifts that are still being developed. 

I know you might not want to hear this right now, but God loves you deeply, profoundly and forever. Just trust me on this. Your family is praying for you every day. Let this knowledge strengthen you. I know your ideas about religion are eclectic and nontraditional, and that’s okay. That’s part of who you are. But understand that there is a Higher Power who loves you dearly and has a wonderful plan for you! Trust the timing.

So, forget about men for now.  Remember your dreams. Your dreams may change, but they will always be about helping others and Mother Earth. For now, focus on loving yourself and learning. Cut down on the drinking. Be safe. Go back to college. Feel free to explore different classes, different interests.

There’s a whole world of possibilities waiting for you!

I’m sending big hugs and abundant love across time to you. Be still for a moment and feel it. Then move forward with you wonderful life. I promise your life will be will be interesting, beautiful and full of wonder.  

I love you always, 

JoAnna

…

Today’s Just Jot January topic was, “Letter.” I’m thankful to E for her nudge and patience on this letter and to Linda, our JusJoJan host for getting me to go through my draft ideas to get it written.

For more on Just Jot January, visit: #JusJoJan prompt the 11th – “Letter” | (lindaghill.com)

Christmas Letters from Vietnam

Today is my parents’ anniversary. They were married on December 21, 1954. Now, they are together again in heaven. In memory of my parents, I’m sharing two of the many letters my dad wrote from Vietnam. They are slightly edited to remove items about other people.

Dec. 25, 1966  From the Republic of Vietnam

My Dearest Wife,

You have made my Christmas much better. I received ten letters from you and a Christmas card. I was feeling real blue til mail call and you came through like always. I also received a card from (his niece). We will get paid on the 6^th of Jan. and I’ll send you a check for $250. This should help you some. We get paid once a month and from now on, I’ll be able to send you a check. I went to church twice today, first to Roman Catholic and then to protestant. I also received communion. I prayed each time as I do at night for God to give you strength, health, and happiness. I also thanked God for my wonderful wife and family. I love you with all my heart and will forever. We had turkey, corn, powdered mash potatoes, nuts, and candy today for dinner, but it tasted rotten. They did try however, and I guess I should be thankful for that.

We’ve had rain again for three days, but it stopped at 1:00 pm. The mud is about six inches deep and it’s getting cloudy again. It’s 8:00 pm (2000) and I go on watch at 10:00 to midnight. ….. Please try not to worry too much about me. I won’t be foolish, I love you too much. Please tell our wonderful children I love them and give everyone my best. Remember, I love only you and our family and live for you. May God Bless you.

All my Love, Forever Your Husband, Jim.

December 27, 1966 from Republic of Vietnam

Darling Betty Ann,

It rained all Christmas night and yesterday too. It’s been raining all day today and hard. I hope I don’t have to go any place. It’s now 2pm. We were real busy yesterday and last night so I didn’t have time to write. So for today, it hasn’t been too bad….There sure are a lot of rumors going around but nothing certain. One is that we are supposed to go back to Okinawa soon, but like I say, it’s not fact. A lot of people start rumors just in hopes they will come true. I am going to enclose envelopes  that you may be able to use again as the stamp was not cancelled.

I sure do miss you honey. We have a radio in my bunker and all I ever hear is Christmas carols. I just sit and think about you and the children. I love you my darling and always will. I know things seem unbearable, but it will all come out in the end. As long as we have our love, we can endure anything this world has to offer.  I just want you honey and no one else will do. You’ll always be my only love….. I  guess I am not worth much to you right now, but I’ll do all I can to make it up to you when I get home. Lover, I want to hold you again in my arms so bad that I could cry just to dream about you. You are the greatest and most wonderful woman God ever created, and I love you, oh how I love you, forever and ever.  Please give my best to all and tell our wonderful children I love them. May God bless you all.

All my Love, Forever Your Husband, Jim.

My favorite photo of my mom and dad – 1960 Newfoundland Canada. That’s me on the left.

Dad in Vietnam

Post retirement photo of Mom and Dad on the road with Frannie

Reasons to Live

This post  was inspired by Eliza at Reasons to Live

In 1976, I thought about suicide. I was in 21, my boyfriend had broken up with me, and I dropped out of college. Things weren’t working out like I had hoped. Not even close.

I didn’t act on my suicide thoughts because I knew how much it would hurt my parents. They had already lost my younger sister who was killed by a drunk driver. They didn’t deserve to lose another child. No parent deserves to lose a child to death.

Eventually, I went back to college and married someone who I had a lot in common with like art, science fiction, pizza, and beer. We grew up a little and made wonderful memories having two children who I love dearly.  If I had killed myself at 21, I would not have know the love and joy of a family.

Over twenty years of marriage, my husband and I grew apart. We didn’t seem to have as much in common anymore, but I still believed in our marriage. I believed we’d grow old together and travel across the country in an RV after the children were grown.  But that wasn’t what happened.

My husband left me around the turn of the century. I was in shock. Devastated. I didn’t want to live anymore with the pain of being rejected and “alone,” though I was never really alone.  Thoughts of suicide crossed my mind, but I knew I couldn’t act on them. My children needed me, my dogs needed me, and my parents loved me. I couldn’t abandon them.

Vulnerable and confused, I made things worse by allowing myself to fall into a terrible relationship, now dubbed “the rebound from hell.” But I survived and moved on, putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I got dragged.

In time, I learned to love myself again. I rediscovered my value, my gifts,  and the constants in my life that have always been important to me like nature, animals, music, art, family, and God who has been with me through every heartache and every challenge.

Now, I am married to the love of my life who found me when the time was perfect. Together and as individuals we’re exploring creative ventures, living our dreams, and building wonderful memories.

If I had remained single, I am certain that I would have been happy in the company of friends and family, loved unconditionally by dogs and by God, growing in confidence, peace, and gratitude.

 

I would not have wanted to miss any of this life.

 

Me and my daughter 1995

Jesse 2006

2012 with my high school sweetheart

Painting on a community mural 2016

So many spectacular sunsets…

Walks on the beach…

…. and adventures with grand children.

 

 Miracles are everywhere.

Remember these words from Mary Oliver’s poem, “Wild Geese”:

 

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely

The world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –

announcing your place in the family of things.

My Sisters on the Other Side

Yesterday was the birthday of my older sister, Linda. She’s been gone from this world now for almost ten years. Just a year less than Mom. I don’t remember her being in my life when I was very young, but there are pictures that tell a different story.

Linda is holding me as Mom plays with her hair.

I remember those wooden shoes hurt my feet. Maybe Linda is trying to comfort me with her hand on my knee.

She was ten years older than me, technically a step sister, but the father who adopted her when he married my mother was much more of a father than the first one.

Linda got married at 16. We saw her now and then, usually during a crisis, like when her son died, then the  few months we stayed with her and her husband and daughter when Dad was in Vietnam, and later when my younger sister died.

After my divorce, Linda and I talked on the phone more. Her love and acceptance reached all the way from California to the Atlantic coast. She was a welcome comfort during that dark time of my life. I kept saying my daughter and I were going to come visit her, but I didn’t realize how sick Linda was, and that sometimes we don’t have as much time as we think we have. Still, I’m grateful beyond words for her love and I know she is in a good place, probably singing hymns with Dad like they did when my parent’s visited her church.

A few days ago, I had all the loose the old family photos laid out on the table so I could add them to the family history album. That’s when I realized how much Linda cared for me when I was young.  I also studied the photos of my younger sister, Mary Kaye.  It’s one thing to die when you’re old – whatever old is… I’m not so sure anymore – But Mary Kaye was young. It was on her 16th birthday, in March of 1975, that Mary Kaye was killed by a drunk driver.

Mary Kaye was not interested in school. She smoked cigarettes and ran away from home once. But she also volunteered with handicapped children and helped with fundraisers for their group home.

Mary Kaye in her candy striper (volunteer) uniform with Lobo

Left: MK is putting the hamster on Lobo’s head. Right: she’s wearing the smiley face T shirt and volunteering at the bake sale for the  Carobell children’s home.

We were very different in many ways. She was more of a free spirit. I was more serious about school and had bigger plans for saving the world.  We were just starting to get beyond our sibling rivalry when she died. I often wonder what she would be like today. I wish my kids had been able to know her. These were my thoughts when I started sobbing at the table full of old photos. My husband was there to comfort me and suggested I take a break from the photos since I’d been at it for a while. I picked up my journal and went to the couch to write my feelings. A few minutes later, I felt Mary Kaye’s presence. I have not felt her presence much like I have my parents who died more recently, but it was very much the same feeling of intense JOY. No clear words, like my father gives me, but clear and unmistakable JOY.

This evening, I stopped writing this to go for a walk with David and Doodle. Breathing in the cool air, I reached out to Linda and felt the gentle joy of her spirit. Then lightening flashed in the distant clouds. Maybe that was Mary Kaye.

If you have sisters or brothers, parents or children, beloved family by blood or by choice, still living in this world, treasure the moments you have with them. And also know this, our loved ones who have passed on are alive in spirit and in love on the other side.

Good News Tuesday: Korean Family Reunions, A Walk of Love, and A Patient Dentist

1.

After many decades of separation, North and South Korean families were chosen by a lottery to meet at a resort. It is not enough, but it’s still good news for these families. We can hope this is just the beginning of growing peace and more reunions.

 

2.

In other news, 98 year old Luther Younger has been walking 6 miles to visit his wife who is in the hospital. His family has raised money to help ease his journey.

 

3.

Finally, here’s a story about a Louisville dentist who developed a holistic program for those on the autism spectrum. Click the link below for a video about this compassionate, patient, and understanding dentist.

//www.wdrb.com/clip/14572066/louisville-dentist-offers-special-program-for-those-on-the-autism-spectrum

 

We some need balance.

Spread good news!

It Seemed Like Things Were Getting Worse for this Homeless Family, Until…..

Ebony Rhodes was arrested and the car her family had been living in was impounded. But the officer asked questions and reported the situation to his deputy police chief setting in motion big changes for the family.

This good news story is full of compassion and wisdom.

 

Got good news? Please feel free to share!