Anything is Possible!

With Love, Hope, and Perseverance


23 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday: When It’s Time for Boundaries

“No, it’s time we set some boundaries.”

 

Giving tree boundaries

I’ve always wanted to rewrite the ending to The Giving Tree, on behalf of the tree and for myself.  It’s okay to give. Sometimes, it’s okay to sacrifice. But allowing others to damage us for the sake of their comfort or convenience is unhealthy.  In a healthy relationship, no one should be expected to give to the point of long term damage. It’s okay to set boundaries and take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually.

(I have forgotten where I found this cartoon, so feel free to let me know.)

One-Liner Wednesday is brought to us by Linda Hill.

For more one-liners and guidelines, visit:

https://lindaghill.com/2020/07/08/one-liner-wednesday-july-8th-that-feeling-when/

2019 1linerWeds badge

 

 


24 Comments

Compassion at the Gate

stream-of-consciousness-saturday-2018-19

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “mean(s).” Use it with or without the “s,” any way you’d like. Have fun!”

I like to have that up there as a reference, even if it is stream of consciousness writing that I’m doing. I want to remember that “have fun,” part because this prompt has got me thinking all serious. Maybe I’ll work the fun part in. I don’t know because we’re not supposed to plan. That’s like telling me I’m not supposed to check the stove 3 times, lock the door, and jiggle the door knob before I leave the house.

Anyway, I was thinking about the saying that the end doesn’t always justify the means. That is especially true when the means means being mean. I don’t usually get political here on this blog. In fact, I try real hard not to. But some people are just plain mean.

Moving back to my own little world, I have felt mean when setting healthy boundaries, but that comes from years of being too nice and a people pleaser. I don’t like conflict. I’ve been saying “no” more as I get older to things that feel toxic. If someone wanted to live in my house because they had no where else to go, I’d say no – unless it was a family member who I got along well with. But it’s hard when you don’t know someone how far to let them into your space.

I’m thinking of the caravan of people who are not coming to my house. They might be coming to my country. It’s a big country full of abundance. We have to have some boundaries of course. But I keep thinking, what would Jesus want us to do? What did Jesus try to teach us about feeding the poor and helping the homeless? He and his family were refugees soon after his birth.

I know we can’t accept EVERYBODY into the country. I know we have to have rules. But I don’t want us to be mean. I mean, let’s have some compassion for people who are in trouble and not assume they are all dangerous. Let’s find out.

It’s hard. Okay. I know this is weird for an introvert to say let’s be accepting of people coming in if we can do it through the channels – let’s not close the gates, when sometimes I want to close my own gate. Let’s try to figure out how to not do it mean. Let’s not lock the gate and lose the key.

I’m sending love to all the lost souls and meanie heads out there.

It’s complicated, I know.

Speaking of gates, here are some pictures I took, looking from the outside in, at the Land of Oz which opens twice a year on Beech Mountain, NC. It wasn’t open the day we went exploring.

IMG_4883

There’s a surveillance camera on top. We waved.

IMG_4886.JPG

IMG_4887.JPG

 

IMG_4891

A horse of a different color on the other side of the fence.

It occurs to me now that I would not relish going to Oz on one of the weekends when they open because they have LINES and CROWDS which I don’t like much. But if I was in trouble and had to get out of the country (or my granddaughter really wanted to go) I’d probably go stand in line. It would be nice to go to Oz. Is the US like Oz? I know the movie was symbolic. I think I’m getting in over my head. Gonna close that gate for today.

The Stream of Consciousness Saturday Post is brought to you by Linda G. Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/11/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-10-18/

Go check it out!

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!


8 Comments

Call Me When You’re Sober.

Song Lyric Sunday

Today’s theme for Song Lyric Sunday was to post a song about alcohol. I wasn’t sure if I could offer anything since I don’t drink anymore having already done my share. But then I remembered this song by Evanescence. (One of the benefits of having a teenage daughter during the post-divorce years was being exposed to cool bands.)  “Call Me When You’re Sober,” written by Amy Lee and Terry Balsam, was one of my healing songs after the rebound from hell and reinforced my right to set boundaries and keep myself safe.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can’t keep believing,
We’re only deceiving ourselves .
And I’m sick of the lie,
And you’re too late.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn’t take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you’re jaded.
You can’t play the victim this time,
And you’re too late.

Don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you’re sober.
You only want it cause it’s over,
It’s over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I – you were never mine.

So don’t cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don’t lie to me,
Just get your things.
I’ve made up your mind.

(From azlyrics.com)

 

 

Song lyric Sunday is brought to you by Helen at:

https://helenswordsoflife.com/2017/06/10/song-lyric-sunday-theme-for-61117/


9 Comments

How to Help an Addict (or Alcoholic)

Iron fence

Last week, I shared things I’ve learned about addiction and recovery over the past thirty years. When I started working in the substance abuse field, there were drug counselors, and there were alcohol counselors. Over time, we realized people switch addictions.  So when I say addict, I include alcoholic, because alcohol is a mood altering, potentially addictive drug. Sometimes I say alcohol and other drugs. Either way, chemical dependence affects not only the “identified patient,” it affects family members, loved ones, and everyone who cares.

We worry about them. We lie awake at night and wonder about what we did or didn’t do. Did we lecture too much? Should we have said more? We feel shame, anger, confusion and fear. We feel love. Even when we don’t want to feel anything. When we try to control situations beyond our control, or try to make everyone happy, we just end up making ourselves sick. We wonder how we can help.

What I’ve learned is that we have to put our own oxygen masks on first. We have to make sure we are taking care of ourselves.

Here are some other things I’ve learned that might help those who care about some one struggling with alcohol or other drug problems:

1. Develop a support network for you. Go to Alanon, Naranon  Celebrate Recovery, Codependents Anonymous or an open AA or NA meeting. One of my favorite daily meditation books is, The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations for Codependents, by Melody Beattie. I believe it saved my sanity a time or two.

2. Invite your loved one to clean and sober activities, like going to a movie, or for a walk, or any low risk event where there will be no alcohol or other drugs.

3. Be encouraging, not critical. Try not to bring up the past. Express your needs. Express your fears and concerns if you need to, but express your hopes more.

4. Ask how you can help support their recovery, but set boundaries to take care of yourself. As one family member put it:

“I’ll help you in your recovery but not in your addiction.”

5. Don’t drink or use around them. I know this might be controversial.  Some people in recovery might say it’s okay for you to drink around them. Unless this person has been clean and sober for a long time, like 10 years, and works a program, it’s not worth the risk. Model that it’s possible to have fun and live life without drinking/drugging.

6. Don’t enable the problem: Don’t give money, don’t clean up messes, or cover up the natural consequences of the addiction. It’s okay to provide food, or if the person is working a recovery program, maybe pay a bill, but not repeatedly. (If safety is an issue, do what’s necessary to help someone, especially children, be safe.)

7. Offer to provide child care so the person can go to a meeting or counseling appointment. Or offer to help with rides to meetings or counseling appointments if you can.

8.Pray. The Serenity Prayer is always a good one, and works for about any situation.

9. Take care of yourself. Set reasonable boundaries for your own well-being. Get the rest, nutrition and support you need.

10. Never give up hope. Recovery takes time. Things might get worse, even after the drinking and drugging stop, before they get better. You might need to create distance to protect yourself, but remember: there is always hope.

bridge