SoCS: Trials, Losses, and How Do We Heal?

Our prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “trail/trial.” Use one, use both, use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use both. Have fun! ….

There’s a song I like, except maybe for a couple of lines, called “Blessings.” Which lines, I won’t go into. Never mind that. But the chorus goes:

“What if your blessings come through raindrops?

What if your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near?

What if trials in this life, are your mercies in disguise.”

It’s about how trials, disappointments, and challenges bring us closer to God. The song works well when applied to my divorce which, as I wrote about recently, turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

The problem now is that it does not seem to apply to the loss of a child. My heart and mind go to the parents who lost children to brutal, needless, senseless deaths by an 18-year-old who should never have been able to buy a gun and certainly not a weapon of war, in Texas.

I cannot imagine how those worst of trials can be a blessing. I don’t even know if the death of my sister, killed by a drunk driver on her 16th birthday, could have been a blessing to anyone, even with my parents’ dedicating the family room at the shelter in her memory. I don’t know how the loss of a child could be a blessing. Anything is possible, yes, but I would not say that to someone who has just lost a child. I would imagine the anger and overwhelming grief would be too much to even think of blessings, right now.

The husband of a teacher who was killed died from a heart attack – a broken heart – while preparing for his wife’s funeral. Joe and Irma Garcia had been married for 24 years. They had been high school sweethearts.

It’s so wrong. Wrong upon wrong, upon wrong, as we are finding out in the investigation.

Other countries have done better than the US when it comes to gun control and this type of murder. That’s for sure. There is a sickness in the heart of my country. (I just struck through “the heart of” because we have good hearts. Mostly.) Maybe we can recover from this sickness. Individual states have and can pass sensible gun laws. We can improve mental health services, address school dropout rates, etc., but I believe it’s going to take some kind of bigger shift. It’s complicated. Or maybe not.

I hope the investigations will lead to improvements. My hope is floundering a bit which is not typical. It will come as no surprise to most of my readers that I believe we need more balance between bad news and good news. That’s part of the sickness – a lack of balance.

Healing. How do we heal? Look for the good. Look for the true heroes, like teachers who continue to teach in schools, first responders who do what is necessary, leaders who have the courage to make changes for a more peaceful country, and a more peaceful world, parents who keep going after heartbreaking loss. Look for the heroes. Hold them up. Hold them in your heart. Keep them in your prayers. We can all do our part to nurture peace.

I know this is a rambling rant. Sometimes that’s what you get in the stream of consciousness. I confess I have gone back and edited a little. It was badly needed.

Maybe I should’ve written about hiking trails. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll put some in a gallery. There’s something coming to me about “The Peace of Wild Things” – a poem by Wendell Berry.

My granddaughter on the trail

Better duck

Trail on the right

Below are some of my most recent photos from the Farm Animal Sanctuary

Delilah on the porch

Esther the Elder

Simon with the Lady in Charge giving TLC

Simon has healed from a mysterious paralysis.

~~~

For more streams of consciousness and rules, visit our host, Linda Hill by following this trail: https://lindaghill.com/2022/05/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-28-2022/

SoCS: Bummers, Blessings, and All I Need to Know Right Now

Our prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “nose/noes/knows.” Use one, use ’em all, bonus points if you use all three. Have fun!

I don’t know if I can get to the fun part. There’s a saying or two about wisdom knows what it doesn’t know. The wise person knows they don’t know a lot.

I don’t know a lot about being a police officer. But I know we can do a lot better in training, screening, and being more compassionate in general. What’s got me going is trying to understand what happened in the fatal shooting of Patrick Lyoya by a police officer in Michigan earlier this month. I guess a lot of people are trying to understand. Why does this keep happening between Black men (and women) and police officers.

I know there are plenty of good police officers. I know at least one. But why did the police officer who stopped Patrick Lyoya, because his car had the wrong license plate, end up shooting him in the back of the head? The police officer was on top of Patrick who was face down. There was some kind of struggle for the police taser. But Patrick was face down with the officer on top of him. And the officer shot Patrick IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.

I’ve been informed by one person on my FB post, that police “don’t shoot to wound,” and my officer friend commented, “we don’t shoot to kill.” They aim for the biggest body part – the torso. So why did Patrick get shot in the head?

Taking a deep breath. And another.

I’m writing this on Good Friday. Why did Jesus have to die on the cross so young? But he wasn’t really young, was he? He was trying to change the world. Trying to help people understand about love. And he did that.

Maybe we can keep on learning about love. Keep loving who we can. Support the good cops. Encourage those who are trying to do good. We can do the little bits of good where we are.

Tomorrow, I’m going to put cans of fruit cocktail, soup, and Chef Boyardee pasta in our church blessing box that David made and I painted with help from kids at church. We do what we can.

I’d like to add that the police officer I know is a blessing. I met her working on community murals. She’s been a cop for many years and does a lot of good.

When Jesus died on the cross, his friends thought things were as dark as they could be. They were filled with despair. But we can turn despair into hope that people will learn from mistakes. We can learn to love in small ways or in big ways. It’s not easy, but it is possible. That’s what I’m telling myself.

This song came to me this morning: “I Don’t Know Much, But I Know I Love You.” I like the sound and images even if the singing is slightly out of sync.

Wishing you blessings at Easter and always,

JoAnna of the Forest

~~~

For more streams and rules for SoCS, visit out host, Linda Hill by clicking HERE. She knows!

One-Liner Wednesday: Has Gratitude Ever Kept You Awake at Night?

“Has gratitude ever kept you awake at night?”

Reverend Patti Mary asked this question in her sermon on Sunday. I thought she was quoting Curtis Almquist since she had referred to his book The Twelve Days of Christmas, Unwrapping the Gifts. The question, “Has gratitude ever kept you awake at night?” was not in his chapter on gratitude, so maybe it was from Almquist, or maybe it was from Patti Mary.

My answer is, gratitude has not kept me awake for long, so I need to count my blessings when worries and questions are doing summersaults in my heat at 2AM.

What I did find in the chapter on gratitude, was Almquist quoting Rilke:

“I would like to beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to live the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms of books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live therm. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” (Rainer Maria Rilke)

Oh, I’ve noticed it living into the answer, I just need to remember to trust the timing.

Live the questions, but don’t let them keep you awake at night.

One Liner Wednesday is hosted by Linda Hill who is a blessing. For more one-liners visit Linda’s post here.

The Mother’s Voice

 

I hear the Mother’s voice

In the birdsong and the breeze.

The path is clear to follow

When I walk among the trees.

 

Can her clarity be carried

To the man-made world of woe?

Or can I just stay longer

And let the river flow?

 

There must be a place of balance

Where I hold long this Grace

And challenge the insanity

But still can hear her voice.

 

The Mother’s voice is calling.

Through wind and stormy seas

We must honor her blessings

Or we will cease to be.

…

 

This was inspired by Sue Dreamwalker’s post, “Golden Paths – Taking Time to Be”

 

 

What my 80 Year Old Self Wants Me to Know

 

A follow up to yesterday’s post on what I’d tell my younger self:

 

If my 80 year old self

could reach back in time,

Would she tell me things I tell myself?

Don’t worry so much!

Enjoy your life.

Treasure the moments.

Do more of what you love.

Would I listen?

Is she telling me now?

Moving my fingers on the keyboard?

Love is the most important thing, she says.

Don’t waste time on resentments.

Laugh, sing, play, dance!

Enjoy your talents.

Share your gifts.

Blessings are everywhere!

#Blesstival Offering: My Soulmate Story

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”     Jeremiah 29:11

This verse gave me hope, like sweet water during the drought after my separation and divorce. I had been married for 20 years and had believed we would grow old together. My world was shattered, like a windshield full of cracks, but somehow still in place.

Miraculously, that windshield held, in spite of foolish choices borne out of vulnerability. The pieces mended together, ever so slowly it seemed, as I climbed out of the pit of despair and learned to love myself again.

Finally, when the time was right, my soulmate found me. He was my first love who I had not seen or heard from in 39 years. It took that much time for us to learn what we needed to learn to be ready to walk through life together again.

My soulmate is now my partner. He wholeheartedly supports my goals to return to gifts of creativity, so that at the age of 60, I prepare for a leap of faith to embark on a new adventure. This is the beginning of aligning with my true nature and a return to my  true self.

We never know what surprises are waiting for us – what blessings are being planned for when we are ready!

May we receive blessings in abundance!

This post was inspired by “Sophia’s Children” hosting a Blog Blesstival for the new year. You can find the details here: http://sophias-children.com/2015/12/23/blog-blesstival-add-your-blessing-to-start-the-new-year/

 

God Has a Plan!

Lone Bird, by JoAnne Silvia

Psalm 13:

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

How long shall I have perplexity in my mind and grief in my heart, day after day? How long shall my enemy triumph over me?

Look upon me and answer me, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, lest I sleep in death.

Lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him.” and my foes rejoice that I have fallen.

But I put my trust in your mercy; my heart is joyful because of your saving help.

I will sing to the Lord, for he has dealt with me richly. I will praise the Name of the Lord Most High.”

This psalm takes me back to the grief…the pain of separation after being married for 20 years, followed by an unexpected divorce. I believed that my husband and I would grow old together, that when the kids were grown, we would travel across country in an RV like my parents did.

The grief was most intense on August 18th, the anniversary of my first marriage – the one I believed would last until death parted us. I could not understand how God could have let this happen. I felt deserted and confused.

Even I didn’t know what a wreck I was after the divorce, until I woke up from the nightmare of a sick rebound relationship.

In the years that followed, I wondered what was wrong with me, that I couldn’t find anyone right for me to date, let alone, marry. It seemed like I was alone for a long time, but in retrospect, it wasn’t that long, and I was never alone.

It was love at fist sight when I walked into my church and saw him over two decades ago.

God was with me the whole time. My guardian angel walked beside me, shaking her head in exasperation. And Jesus, the Good Shepherd, was always there, lighting the path of love, that led back to the fold.

Jeremiah 29:11 was my life preserver.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give your hope and a future.”

Maybe God wanted me to be single so I could accomplish more, because relationships do take time and effort, even the good ones.  And the unhealthy relationships, well, they can be insanely distracting, taking us way off course…

(Or maybe not off course, but learning what we need to change to be ready for the gift.)

What I know now is that I had to work on me, and be a better parent, and draw closer to God.  I had to love myself and do what was right for me as a single person.  I kept going to the church where I felt accepted and cherished. I kept working and learning, singing and enjoying creation.  I kept putting one foot in front of the other, loving the family and friends who walked beside me.

And God did have a plan!

Now, August 18th is just another summer day with the love of my life. God has dealt with me richly, with many blessings, including bringing my soul mate to me when the time was perfect.

In times of uncertainty, I must remember God’s mercy and let my heart be joyful!

Heart Cloud, by JoAnne Silvia

From Misery to Miracles

The song below, by Laura Story, reminds me of the darkness and grief I felt when my 20 year marriage ended. That was about 13 years ago. I wanted to die, but I had to live for my kids…and for the possibility that time would heal my pain.

God does not want us to suffer. But God can turn our misery into miracles. Sometimes the most wonderful miracles grow out of our deepest despair, when the time is right – when we’ve learned what we need to learn to be ready for the blessings. (See “About Me,” for example.)

 

Blessings are being prepared for you!