SoCS: Note to Self – Don’t Call That Number!

Today‘s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “dict.” Find a word that contains “dict” and use it in your post. Have fun!

Dictionary… Dictation…Dictator…vindictive… Going in a negative direction here. I try not to be vindictive or to write too much political stuff here. It’s obvious to me that a recent former president desperately wanted (wants?) to be a dictator. Yuck. I don’t want to write about that. What are some other words… Sigh.

Dictionary. Who still has one on a shelf? I do! Diction. I took a class in college called, Voice and Diction. That class, along with acting class, helped me get over some natural shyness and allowed me to speak clearly in front of people. Not that I want to do that now, but if there’s a good reason, it comes in handy. I’ve always had pretty good diction, but the college class gave me the ability to speak “Standard American English” if it was appropriate. Of course, it’s also good to have something relevant and true to say. Speaking from the heart is more important that diction.

It’s a good skill, speaking clearly, but not that necessary, like speaking to scammers is not necessary. It’s best not to speak to scammers at all. I made the stupid mistake of calling a number in an email that said it was from Paypal. As soon as the speaker mentioned that I had invested in bitcoin, I knew it was a mistake. I said the words “No” and “Never” very clearly. I’m not entirely sure what bitcoin is and, no, I don’t want to know.

Now I feel a bit paranoid. Sigh.

Getting back to topic of college, the first years at the community college were fun – being a big fish in a little pond and all that. Then I transferred to the university and got serious about finishing. I’ve never taken dictation, but I was good at taking notes. That was so long ago. Now, I’m retired. Yay!!! I only take notes if I feel like it or really want to remember something. If I start asking the same questions over and over again, say like 10 or 20 years from now, I’ve asked my husband to encourage me to write stuff in a notebook and carry it with me. But we’re not there yet.

Exercise is good for the brain as well as the body. After the scammer incident, I went to the Y where I recently started back with a personal trainer on Fridays, just for 30 minutes. It felt good and helped with the paranoia. Maybe exercise will help my memory and save on notebooks.

Note to self: DON’T CALL THAT NUMBER!

Sometimes we get to learn the same lessons over and over again. I will forgive myself for the mistakes and remember the lessons:

DONT CALL THAT NUMBER!

Now, move on! Find a pretty picture.

Here’s just one of my favorite Christmas ornaments from a musical friend:

David made the smaller one on the lower right from wood

~~~

For details on Stream of Consciousness Saturday,

and more streams, visit out host, Linda G Hill

by clicking HERE.

Get the Damn Shot

This came from the Facebook post of my friend and former supervisor.

On an even more sobering note, my friend Wayne who was in ICU, died on Monday. I am still having trouble believing it. He was ten years younger than me. After years of addiction, Wayne worked hard on recovery then went back to school and got his masters degree in psychology. He led by example and from his heart to help countless numbers of people on the journey from addiction to recovery. During his final weeks in ICU, Wayne posted that his health care team was begging him to tell people to get vaccinated. The vaccine might have saved his life. He leaves behind a loving, grieving family and a huge recovery community who will always remember him.

Rest in peace, Wayne. Enjoy those heavenly beaches!

…

One Liner Wednesday is brought to us by Linda Hill. For more one-liners and guidelines visit Linda’s blog:

https://lindaghill.com/2021/09/01/one-liner-wednesday-cushy-jobs/

#SoCS: Family Roles and Beyond

Hero child, hands folded.

Lost child staring into space.

Scapegoat telling it like it is.

Mascot spewing comic relief.

These are the classic roles in dysfunctional families I learned about in workshops when I started working with families of addiction. In one workshop – one of the first – we were each given a big sheet of paper and told to draw a picture of our family of origin at the dinner table. Not much more instruction than that. Just go for it. Then we were asked (though I’m sure it wasn’t required) to share our drawing in front of the group of about 20 other counselor at the workshop.

I can get flashes of the drawing and remember wearing a striped dress with a belt. I remember hesitating when it came to my mother. I’m sure my dad had USMC somewhere on his visage. I said I didn’t want to be like my mother. I was afraid of being like my mother. Afraid of having nervous breakdowns. I wanted to be strong like my father. Though now I know my mother had a different kind of strength that saved my father. I was the hero child and the lost child combo. My sister was the scapegoat after she was the mascot/clown. Then after she died, I became the scapegoat.

But after all the families I’ve encountered, we weren’t that dysfunctional. We are all learning how to cope with what got to us. And we can all move to different places at the table, or move to a different table of our own choice or creation. We can step out of our assumed roles. The hero can roll in the aisle laughing a belly laugh and dance around the living room. The lost child can become grounded and focused if she chooses to. The clown can learn to cry and be okay. The scapegoat can save the day or save himself.

Or they can embrace their favorite parts of their best roles. The hero can lift herself and others may follow. The lost child creates stellar colors of music. The clown amuses those who need laughter most. The scapegoat cuts through the crap.

Each role, each component, is inside each of us. The child remains within and comes out to play in the warm sunshine. Nurture him. Hold her. Sing to him. Guide her with love. We are survivors. Strong yet fragile. Imperfectly wise. Hungry for healing, each at our own pace. Even if that pace is standing still and breathing air. Sometimes recovery is all about resting on the earth and watching the clouds. Other times, it’s dancing and leaping in faith into an ocean of love or mystery.

…

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday was roll/role.

To learn more, visit Linda G. Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2018/11/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-17-18/

 

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Good News Tuesday: Prepare to Be Inspired

“If you do something wrong to my animals, I will catch you.”  ___Vimbai Kumire

A female anti-poaching unit protects elephants in Zimbabwe.  Many of these women are single mothers or survivors of abuse. My heart cheers with hope for them, for their courage and dedication. In this video, you can see how important their work is to them.

…

Fighting the monster of addiction also takes courage. It’s harder than most people realize. Crystal Champ gave her baby to a hero, but Crystal is a hero, too.  In this video, she’s been sober six months.

 

Good news is happening all over the world.

The world needs to see it.

Carrie Fisher is still teaching me to be brave.

“If you pretend something long enough, it comes true.” Carrie Fisher

These quotes about confidence and pretending remind me of the expression, “Fake it til you make it.” When we do that, we’re pretending with a purpose. We’re being brave in spite of our fear.

Being brave is one thing Carrie Fisher and Princess Leia had in common.

In  Star Wars, Princess Leia battled the evil empire. In real life, Carrie Fisher battled insecurity, addiction, bipolar disorder, and of course the expectations of Hollywood. At the age of 19, she portrayed a strong, intelligent, no nonsense woman of power in the original Star Wars movie, “A New Hope.” I watched that movie in the theater at least ten times in the late 70s when I was about 21. I was one year older than Carrie who died on Tuesday, December 27th. Like many of my peers, (boomers/sci-fi fans) I thought of her almost like friend, especially after I started watching her interviews.

As she got older Carrie grew wiser. She wrote books which have been on my want-to-read-list for years. I still look forward to reading them. In her interviews, Carrie is hilarious in that feisty, authentic way smart women get when they no longer care so much what people think of them – something I aspire to. I love that she performed her autobiographical play, Wishful Drinking, barefoot.

As Princess Leia and as herself, Carrie Fisher influenced me in ways that I am not even aware of. I do know that she made me braver and still does. As I process my grief  (and consider my own mortality) I’m imagining her cracking jokes and exploring life in a galaxy far far away.

I wish her a good voyage.

In the following interview, Carrie started talking about recovery more in the second half if you want to skip the baring all part.

And in this next interview with Oprah, she talked about her family, electroshock therapy, and healing her relationship with her mother who she partially credited for teaching her to be strong.

After writing this, I read that Carrie’s mother, Debbie Reynolds, died the day after her daughter and that she said she wanted to be with Carrie. As a mother, I understand.  I understand about the worry, the tension, and the closeness of that complicated bond. I’m glad they were able to talk, to come to a better understanding of each other. Now, I hope they are at peace.

Contact Highs, Trauma, and Recovery: Addiction Conference Highlights

Can a person show up positive for marijuana on a drug screen just by being in the same room with people smoking the weed?

The opening speaker at Wednesday’s addiction professionals conference says no. But he wasn’t clear on the cutoff levels/sensitivity of the test used in the study. I believe it’s possible, though the smoke would have to be pretty darn thick. After all, people have been know to get a contact buzz from being in the same room with someone smoking, right? Of course, It’s been a very long time…..

I did get a natural high with my high school girlfriends during our reunion last month. I was the only one not drinking, but I laughed, giggled and almost choked on my own silliness, all drug and alcohol free, which was my goal. I also won the trivia game which I like to think I won because I remember stuff I studied in high school, and I am smart in some things, not just because I was the only one sober.

But back to the conference that finished up yesterday. Our closing speaker was Austin Eubanks, an injured survivor from the Columbine shooting. His story was moving and powerful. I even got teary-eyed when he told us about how his best friend was killed in the library. It turns out that Austin became addicted to pain pills which were easily accessible after the Columbine trauma because he was shot in the hand and the knee. But he got more pain meds than he needed and used them (without realizing it) to numb the emotional pain of the trauma.

Austin was clear that he does not want to prevent anyone from getting the medication they need, but he also said that it would have been better for his doctors to realize he was using pain pills to cover up the emotional trauma which took him years to process starting in a therapeutic community on his third treatment episode. One way to minimize that risk, is for doctors to screen people coming in for acute physical pain to find out if there is also emotional trauma they might be trying to avoid. Recovery is about learning how to cope with challenges with support but not with illicit drugs. It’s way complicated. But one of the best things is that Austin encouraged those in recovery to look closer at the issue of anonymity. A person should not publicly reveal membership in a specific 12 step program, but Austin said that if you’re in recovery, be “loud and proud” about it.

Kids and Adults need to know that it’s okay to choose not to drink or drug, and that there is support for working through trauma. Recovery is not easy, but worth it in the long run.

Today’s Stream of Consciousness Prompt was the word, “screen,” brought to you by Linda HIll at:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 15/16

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Thirty Years is Enough…Almost

I was planning to write my mid-week post about the synchronicity of my first writer’s conference coming the week before my leap of faith into semi-retirement and how that reinforces my goal to spend more time in creative work.

But then I read this  NPR article about the hope and controversy of medication assisted treatment for opiate addiction, and I decided to share my experience on this topic. After working as a substance abuse counselor for roughly 30 years, about 20 of those years working with clients on Methadone or Suboxone, I’ve learned a few things.

The most important thing I want to pass on about Methadone and medication assisted treatment, is that the medication is only one piece of the recovery pie. I’ve seen clients who did not change their lifestyles and thinking, did not learn new coping skills, and were not successful on the program.

I’ve also seen clients who followed recommendations and worked hard on their recovery, mentally, emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually. For those people, the medication combined with counseling and lifestyle changes, has worked amazingly well, and often better than other treatment modalities they had tried. These are the clients who have kept me working in the field for thirty years, along with the ones who I didn’t think were going to make it, but they surprised me and turned things around. God gets a lot of the credit, too. I couldn’t have hung in there this long without my H.P.

Now, it’s time for me to step back. Because I’m tired. Not so much tired of working with people who suffer from addiction. I can understand and accept that some people are not going to do the work, and that hurting people hurt people, including themselves. That’s part of the misery of addiction.  It’s the @#*!… paperwork that I can’t keep up with anymore if I want to have a healthy life. I’ve watched the amount of paperwork (now it’s computer work, but we still have to print a lot of it out and put it in a chart) grow and grow year after year. There have been times when I’ve felt emotionally buried by the paperwork.

I believe I’ve done my share. But I still don’t want to let go completely. Next week, I go to the writer’s conference, and the week after that, I’m cutting back to just one day a week at the job that paid my bills for 30 years. The other days will be for me – for writing, art, my home and my relationships. I think I’ve earned this time. I’m so grateful to have this chance, thanks to my partner who you can read about on my about page.

Perfect Timing strikes again!

(Thanks to Pixabay for the photo.)

Rx

I recently accompanied my husband on his consult for unexpected outpatient surgery which is now scheduled for the middle of this busy month. When the doctor mentioned post-op pain meds, my dear husband shook his head. When questioned about this, he said he didn’t want any narcotics. The doctor said he’d prefer to write the script, just in case, since the pain meds can’t be called in. But he also indicated that it’s possible my husband will do okay with just over the counter pain meds. This led to a discussion about the whole dilemma of pain medication and my experience of being prescribed way more pain meds than needed for relatively minor surgeries or injuries. My experiences as an addictions counselor have likely added to my frustration.

During the consultation, I appreciated learning more about the prescriber’s perspective: doctors who prescribe less than the standard amount of pain meds, in this case, 30 pills (!), are more likely to be harassed, yelled at and even threatened by patients. They lose patients and can’t stay in business.

What’s a doctor to do?

After hearing this, I’m not as sure as I used to be. And I’m glad I don’t have to be the one between that rock and the hard place.

One solution would be to have more disposal options for unused medication. We’re learning that it’s bad for the environment to flush unused medications, and keeping leftovers around, “just in case”  increases the risk of addiction or pills falling into the wrong hands. Though Opiate/narcotic addiction is a particularly bad problem where I live, we only have two medication drop off events per year. Of course, there’s always the burial in a container of damp coffee grounds, which may be the best option we have right now. 

I know this is a complicated issue. Some people legitimately need a lot of pain medication. But it’s a slippery slope for those with substance abuse and addiction problems.

 

 

Which reminds me, that recovery can be pretty good where I live, too. On Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, there are all night  AA meetings, called Alcathons. These open meetings start at 6pm and run on the even hours until noon Christmas day and New Year’s Day ending in a shared meal. Narcotics Anonymous usually has Narcathons which are similar. I hope these are available where you live.

Here are some links that can help you find meetings:

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

http://www.na.org/

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/

To all those who suffer from addiction, there is help. Recovery is possible. Find a program, then work the program, every day.  Life can get better. One day at a time. Like they often say after the Serenity Prayer:

” Keep coming back, It works if you work it, but you gotta work it every day…and night.”

To all those who do not suffer from addiction, be aware this can be a hard time for those who do. Have plenty of alcohol-free beverages at your social gatherings. Label food and drinks containing alcohol. Even a taste can be a trigger. Invite a recovering friend to go to an alcohol free/drug free event.

May your holidays be holy days, full of peace and joy.

 

 

 

Mind over Matter: Things I Didn’t Learn in College

My psychology degree taught me a little about the mind: cognitive psychology, the study of consciousness…. mostly, it taught me about the brain and behavior. I guess it gave me a introductory framework, but most of the valuable stuff I’ve learned seems to have come after college, once I got beyond the craziness of adolescence and became more curious about the mind. Not that I wasn’t curious before, but, well, you know. The brain/mind is not fully developed, research tells us, until somewhere around the age of 24. And they say it takes longer for the male brain to develop. That’s a whole other subject, I didn’t mean to go there. I really didn’t.

Where I meant to go was how fascinating the mind/body connection is. Oh, yeah, and that stuff I’ve learned since college: about meditation and thoughts. How positive thoughts can help us feel better physically and improve our health compared to negative thoughts. The mind is powerful. There’s the placebo effect, for example, that makes some people better just by believing they are taking medicine. Well, I did learn about that in college, but I’ve seen it more in action since then. Music is like medicine for me. Meditative music, like Taize, can be and healing.

For many years, I’ve worked in a  program that uses Methadone therapy to treat heroin and opiate addiction. Addiction to pain pills is a bigger problems than heroin these days. That’s another story. Controversial, I know. It’s helped a lot of people, Methadone, I mean, and some, not as much. Some people, not all, on Methadone tend to attribute aches and pains due to aging or illness to not having enough Methadone. Their minds are used to going down that road. They risk covering up other problems that need specific treatment. What I find fascinating are the occasional accounts of clients who were arrested and couldn’t get their Methadone when in jail and said it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as they thought it would be. (For most people sudden withdrawal is horrible.). A couple of times, I’ve been told by people that he or she didn’t have hardly any withdrawal in jail, even thought they expected it to be bad. Why is that? These are people we need to study. I must add that the people who are successful in recovery, regardless of the type of treatment, get that recovery is a lot of work. I wrote about that here.

Where am I going with this? Oh, yeah. The mind is powerful. It can make us feel miserable or it can make us feel strong.  If we know something is not available, whether it’s a drug, or ice cream, we can accept it and it’s not so bad as when the thing we want is close, but just out of reach.

Twenty-nine years ago, I was going to have my first baby without any medication at all. Ha! After the first shot of Stadol started wearing off, I was asking for another. They said it was too late; it was almost time to push. I sighed and accepted it. It was not available, so I didn’t ask again, didn’t even think about medication again. About thirty minutes later, I pushed my son out and immediately felt better and ready to take care of him, fight off tigers or whatever. A total change in consciousness.

Who’s really in charge? Sometimes my mind is all over the place and all the meditation techniques I know don’t help me sleep, usually because I’ve been up on the computer to late and I got my mind busy.  But thankfully, I am usually able to get enough sleep when I have the discipline to turn the computer off at a reasonable time. Discipline. That’s a mind thing. Mind over matter.

And yet, sometimes we need help. Addiction, whether it’s to heroin, or to the internet, (not that I’m saying I’m addicted to the internet, I’m not saying that at all….but it is the next wave of addiction for our culture, I believe….)  Addiction is often too much for one mind to handle alone. When the mind is overcome by a mental illness or an addiction, we need help. I know a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. When I ask that power (for me, God) to help me turn off the lights by midnight, and I allow that power to help me click on the x and turn out the lights, it works a lot better.

I didn’t learn that in college.

Today’s prompt for Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness Post was: “mind.”

If you’d like to join the fun of Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness visit:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/08/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-2215/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Addiction and Recovery: Some things I’ve Learned

In my thirty years as a substance abuse counselor, the most frustrating thing I’ve observed, over and over, is that people underestimate the power of the addiction monster and the work it takes to fight it.

With a few rare exceptions, most addicts and alcoholics have to work on recovery for the rest of their lives. If done well, the work gets easier over time, and  life can be good. Not always easy, but richer and deeper, with more options and more peace.

One alcoholic I’ve worked with, who’s been sober for well over a year, still goes to AA every day. She’s learned the hard way, that’s what it takes for her. Every day, she calls her sponsor, prays and reads recovery literature or works the steps. She’s reasonably happy and able to share her experience, strength and hope with others. It may be possible to stay sober without that kind of intensity, but in my experience, it’s risky not to work a daily program.

Recovery is a process, not an event. Recovery is about learning to live life on life’s terms and creating new pathways in the brain. It takes practice.  Treatment ranges from counseling to intensive outpatient, to detox, to inpatient (if you can find one that’s affordable.) Sometimes, long term residential is what it takes. And programs are getting harder to access and more limited with funding cuts and managed care, but that’s another post, or more likely a rant.

For most people, recovery takes changing people, places and things – things like thoughts – and developing coping skills. A person who started drinking or drugging regularly in his or her teens is often starting recovery emotionally and socially as an adolescent. They may know a lot about life on the street, or how to get a doctor to write them a prescription, but they can easily become overwhelmed by feelings and relationships, the challenges of life on life’s terms.

What I’ve seen is that people who have a strong recovery support network are more likely to be successful. The people who I’ve seen be most successful at staying clean and sober are walking a path of spiritual growth. They develop a relationship with loving, caring, higher power, a power stronger than the monster of addiction.

Recovery is possible.

Next week, I’ll be sharing about how family members and friends can help a loved one suffering from addiction.

The climber is from pixabay: Mountain Climbing 709320

The sunset is from God.