Anything is Possible!

With Love, Hope, and Perseverance


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Four Years Ago…

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December 1, 2012

 

I never would have imagined that at the age of 56, after twenty years of marriage and the unexpected divorce that brought me to my knees, after the rebound from hell followed by the rebound from purgatory, and after five years of celibacy when I almost gave up on romance, that I would end up marrying the love of my life.

God had a plan all along. We just had to be ready. Not perfect, just ready to work on our stuff together.

Never give up.

You never know

what wonderful surprises

are waiting right around the corner!

 


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Gratitude Makes Sense of our Past

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melody Beattie

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 Twenty years of Holy Matrimony

Tossed out like old shoes.

What happened to the promise?

To the dream?

To the love?

Change ran them off

Down divergent paths.

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Years

of

Confusion

and

Loneliness

Finally passed as

 Acceptance

Seeped into the empty space

 Making room for new possibilities.

 I found my self again.

And loved me for my soul.

And  when the time was right,

Everything made sense.

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Now I’m thankful that he made that space

and found a better fit,

Thankful for the time to heal

and learning to let go,

Thankful for the lessons learned

on long and winding roads,

Thankful for convergent paths

That brought my true love home.

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© 2016 JoAnne Macco.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and followers for whom I am very thankful! 


19 Comments

Yes, to the Stream of Consciousness

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Yes, to the Stream of Consciousness!

Yes! It’s time to move forward.

I’ve taken a break and licked my wounds.

Now it’s time to jump back in the stream.

But, but, but….

I have so many streams going on

So many things I want to do.

Irons in fire

Burning, smouldering, steaming…

Here’s the deal:

I will not say yes to anything I have not already said yes to.

That means I have to say no to some things.

Or I can say, not right now, maybe later.

Maybe not.

When the time is right,

Say, yes!

When he asked me to marry him,

Under the full December moon

Of almost four years past,

I said, “You have to get down on one knee.”

Did I see an eye roll

hidden in that smile?

Maybe.

But he did it anyway.

And I said,

“Yes!”

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Today’s Stream of Consciousness prompt and post was affirmatively brought to you by

Linda G. Hill. Visit, https://lindaghill.com/2016/11/18/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-1916/ for a treat!

Linda said we get bonus points if we use the prompt:  “yes” at the beginning and the end of our post. Yes! I get bonus points! Can I cash them in, or do I simply celebrate? Yes! Hey, it feels good to say, yes!

Here are the SoCS rules:

 


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When Dreams Fade

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This is my offering for the collaborative at Forgotten Meadows inspired by the prompt:

“When Dreams Fade Away.”

(The photo was taken by my friend Caroline in 1972.)

When Dreams Fade, By JoAnne Silvia

When you left me

all those years ago

against your will

and surely against mine,

the dreams in my young heart

faded slowly

into mere echos

of another lifetime.

Four decades later,

after years of doubt

and darkness,

a speck of dream

survived

asleep so deep

it barely breathed.

When the time came

that you found me again,

and you kissed me

by the river at sunset,

and I smelled your neck

just below your ear,

the dream awakened.

Sparks flew because we knew

the dream was more than just alive

and more than just a dream.

© JoAnne Silvia, 2016


7 Comments

Being Held

“The world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place.” Casting Crowns
Did I have any inkling of this 15 years ago at the end of a 20 year marriage? If I did,  the inkling was overwhelmed by the grief. But now it all makes perfect sense. Sometimes it’s hard to trust the timing, but God is listening, working with us, and has wonderful surprises in store for us.

Loving Me, Too

“You are being held so strongly and so deeply, that you can stop holding on to, or defending, yourself. God forever sees and loves Christ in you; it is only we who doubt our divine identity as children of God.”

___ Richard Rohr in Breathing Under Water.

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Autumn 1971

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Photo by JoAnne Silvia

 

It was around this time in 1971 that I met my first love at my best friend’s party. So, I thought you might like to read about that in the  following excerpt from Chapter 1 my upcoming book, Trust the Timing.

October’s cool air finally brought relief from the summer heat and added restless excitement to the new school year. Terry and I had been hanging out in her room,  lamenting about not having boyfriends. Then her eyes lit up.

“I know! Let’s have a party!”

“You mean a Halloween party?”

“No. That’s for kids. I’m talkin’ about a cool party. Maybe my parents will let us have it in the garage.”

This would be nothing like our usual Saturday night sleepovers. No Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. No Chef Boyardee pizza in a box. No prank phone calls. It would be our first real high school party with boys, and possibilities swirled around in my head.

In two months, I would be sixteen and still had not had a decent first kiss. That awkward moment in the backyard with Harold from down the street laying on top of me didn’t count. His impatient kiss bruised my lips with urgent pressure. It lacked imagination and certainly didn’t get him any further.

Our friend Caroline, the one with the big, beautiful lips, loved kissing and described kisses that sounded like the exact opposite of Harold’s, like the luxurious kiss that lasted the entire length of the song, “Crystal Blue Persuasion.” I wondered if I would ever have kiss like that.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” she encouraged. “Just let it happen naturally.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Terry argued. “I still can’t forget Tommy Rayburn putting his bubble gum in my mouth when he kissed me. It was disgusting! I had more fun kissing my bedroom mirror.”

Before the party, Terry and I plastered one wall of her parents’ garage with psychedelic black light posters across from her Bob Dylan poster on the other side. Along with Dylan, we played Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. A friend brought over a flashing strobe light with the warning that it could make some people feel sick if you left it on too long, so we used it sparingly.

As people arrived through the kitchen and started mingling, Terry and I looked at each other and grinned. This was going to be good. Her parents hardly checked on us, but greeted people at the front door and directed them to the garage. We were pretty well behaved anyway. If anything bad happened, it happened in the back seat of somebody’s car, though few of us had cars back then.

I felt a wave of shyness as the room started to fill up, and went to sit on the large trunk at the back of the garage. Terry floated from person to person, welcoming everyone and laughing. I was satisfied to sit back and take in the scene.

In walked this tall, lean guy who grabbed my attention right away. He must have been at least 6 feet tall. At 5’8, I was still awkwardly taller than most guys my age. He looked a lot older than someone in tenth grade, like he could easily pass for a senior. He wore an olive green military field jacket over a T-shirt and jeans. His wavy blond hair fell over his eyebrows but didn’t cover his ears. He smiled slightly as someone caught his attention. Caroline waved at him from across the room with a big smile, and he walked over to her. I realized he must be the one she invited from her French class.

I surveyed the room thinking maybe I should try to mingle. But it was so much easier to just watch. I looked back at the tall guy standing with Caroline and a couple other people. It wasn’t just his height that attracted me. There was something about him, a look of maturity in his soft eyes as he listened, not saying much. His focus drifted from the conversation, and he caught me staring at him. The 7UP bubbles dancing in my paper cup suddenly became very interesting.

From my perch, I watched out of the corner of my eye as he walked over to the cooler to get a soda. When the strobe light came back on, I lost sight of him as more people came in.

“Turn that damn thing off!” somebody yelled a couple minutes later.

When the regular lights came back on, I started to scan the room and almost jumped when he appeared on my right, standing next to the trunk, like he’d always been there.

__________________________

It’s still a  Work in Progress, so let me know what you think. And feel free to sign up for updates on the book via my monthly newsletter. This should take you there.

(The excerpt and photo above belong to JoAnne Silvia and may not be used except with permission and when clear credit is given to the author.)


12 Comments

Home Deliverance

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Home is where I love to be these days. For thirty years or more, it was Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho, it’s off to work I go. Not digging in the mines like the seven dwarfs, but digging through layers of paperwork and computer records more than one would imagine when the job is being a counselor. Now, I do that job just one day a week.

Home is not ho hum to me like it might have been when I was in my teens and twenties – when I met the man who would some day make it possible for me to stay home more.

Home is comfortable, peaceful, an introvert’s heaven. Now, I have the time to make it even more comfortable. My cozy little cottage, without the seven dwarfs, is safe. I’m not saying dwarfs would not be safe. I have nothing against dwarfs. Clowns, now that’s another story….let’s not go there.

My husband offered me the opportunity to quit my job last year as he approached the age when he could dip into his retirement savings. I kept asking him, are you sure it’s okay for me to do that? I even talked with his accountant. I hadn’t been supported financially by a man since….since I lived with my parents which seems like a whole lot of time ago. There I used the prompt in the middle of a word. And it wasn’t that hard, not planning it exactly.

I don’t hate my job that paid the bills for 30 plus years, I love parts of it, that’s why I’m still doing it one day a week. I like helping people and the decrease in paperwork. But there was a time when I prayed for deliverance, when I was working late at night, trying to catch up on the paperwork.

Deliverance came in a way I never would have imagined. When the time was right, my soulmate found me again. It took a long time, but the timing was perfect – when he  was close to retiring from his career job, and when we were ready. Which reminds me to never give up hope. God and the whole universe are working for us, if we just put our hearts desires out there on a starry night or two, get ready, and believe that anything is possible.

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Linda’s prompt for today’s Stream of Consciousness post was, “ho,” with instructions to find a word with those two letter in that order and use it in your post.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

 


8 Comments

Answered Prayers

SOC badge with butterfly

“If you could send me a soulmate who’s a good fit before Dad and Jesse die, I’d really appreciate it.”

That was a prayer I said to God somewhere around 2010. It went something like that, anyway.

The second part of the prayer was, “If you want me to stay single, then take away this desire for a partner.

It was five years ago, on July 15, 2011, that I had my second first date with the love of my life, my high school sweetheart who found me after 39 years of no contact.

Jesse, my golden retriever, passed away a couple years ago, and the soulmate who is definitely a good fit, helped me get through that.

Jesse swimming

This is one of the things I imagine Jesse doing in heaven.

Dad is still alive and strong in spirit. His legs are giving him a lot of trouble, and at 85, his body is wearing out as bodies are known to do.

I’m so thankful to God for bringing my partner to me when the time was perfect. I was ready to accept staying single if that was what God wanted. I knew I could accomplish a lot of good things being single, once I finally learned to not fall for anyone who asked me out, once I learned to love and honor myself enough to know I did not need a man to complete me. But God knew my loneliness and did not take away the desire. God brought my husband to me when we were both ready.

JoAnne and David to edit

If I’d known then, what I know now, I would have worried less, but then I would not have grown as much faith – faith that still has some growing to do.

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday was: “if/then.” We were to begin our post with the word “If,” and for bonus points, end with a phrase containing the word “then.”

If you want to read more Stream of Consciousness writing, then visit Linda’s blog:

https://lindaghill.com/2016/07/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-1616/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!


13 Comments

Thirty Years is Enough…Almost

bird coming out from pixabay

I was planning to write my mid-week post about the synchronicity of my first writer’s conference coming the week before my leap of faith into semi-retirement and how that reinforces my goal to spend more time in creative work.

But then I read this  NPR article about the hope and controversy of medication assisted treatment for opiate addiction, and I decided to share my experience on this topic. After working as a substance abuse counselor for roughly 30 years, about 20 of those years working with clients on Methadone or Suboxone, I’ve learned a few things.

The most important thing I want to pass on about Methadone and medication assisted treatment, is that the medication is only one piece of the recovery pie. I’ve seen clients who did not change their lifestyles and thinking, did not learn new coping skills, and were not successful on the program.

I’ve also seen clients who followed recommendations and worked hard on their recovery, mentally, emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually. For those people, the medication combined with counseling and lifestyle changes, has worked amazingly well, and often better than other treatment modalities they had tried. These are the clients who have kept me working in the field for thirty years, along with the ones who I didn’t think were going to make it, but they surprised me and turned things around. God gets a lot of the credit, too. I couldn’t have hung in there this long without my H.P.

Now, it’s time for me to step back. Because I’m tired. Not so much tired of working with people who suffer from addiction. I can understand and accept that some people are not going to do the work, and that hurting people hurt people, including themselves. That’s part of the misery of addiction.  It’s the @#*!… paperwork that I can’t keep up with anymore if I want to have a healthy life. I’ve watched the amount of paperwork (now it’s computer work, but we still have to print a lot of it out and put it in a chart) grow and grow year after year. There have been times when I’ve felt emotionally buried by the paperwork.

I believe I’ve done my share. But I still don’t want to let go completely. Next week, I go to the writer’s conference, and the week after that, I’m cutting back to just one day a week at the job that paid my bills for 30 years. The other days will be for me – for writing, art, my home and my relationships. I think I’ve earned this time. I’m so grateful to have this chance, thanks to my partner who you can read about on my about page.

Perfect Timing strikes again!

(Thanks to Pixabay for the photo.)


16 Comments

#Blesstival Offering: My Soulmate Story

Path to beach

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”     Jeremiah 29:11

This verse gave me hope, like sweet water during the drought after my separation and divorce. I had been married for 20 years and had believed we would grow old together. My world was shattered, like a windshield full of cracks, but somehow still in place.

Miraculously, that windshield held, in spite of foolish choices borne out of vulnerability. The pieces mended together, ever so slowly it seemed, as I climbed out of the pit of despair and learned to love myself again.

Finally, when the time was right, my soulmate found me. He was my first love who I had not seen or heard from in 39 years. It took that much time for us to learn what we needed to learn to be ready to walk through life together again.

My soulmate is now my partner. He wholeheartedly supports my goals to return to gifts of creativity, so that at the age of 60, I prepare for a leap of faith to embark on a new adventure. This is the beginning of aligning with my true nature and a return to my  true self.

We never know what surprises are waiting for us – what blessings are being planned for when we are ready!

May we receive blessings in abundance!

This post was inspired by “Sophia’s Children” hosting a Blog Blesstival for the new year. You can find the details here: http://sophias-children.com/2015/12/23/blog-blesstival-add-your-blessing-to-start-the-new-year/