Anything is Possible!

With Love, Hope, and Perseverance


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SoCS: When There’s Too Much Pepper in the Soup

Here’s are prompt: ….. for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “oop.” Find a word with the “oop” sound in it and use it in your post. Enjoy!

Oops. scoop. goop. soup. I like soup. Vegetarian, please. I like to experiment in cooking. Over time there are fewer, oopses, in cooking at least. We bought some cumin that is exceptionally strong and can only use like an eighth of a teaspoon, a pinch at most. Even if a recipe calls for a half a teaspoon, that’s too much of this particularly powerful batch of cumin. We learned this from experience.

Every mistake teaches us something. It was a big mistake to date a creep after my divorce. It was an even bigger mistake to keep on dating him for a year. But I learned more about codependency and how low I cold go. It brought me to my knees even more than the divorce. It gave me compassion for people who stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships. When it finally ended, it was like waking up from a bad dream. Where had I been? I had lost myself for a while there. Now, I appreciate being in a healthy relationship.

But first, I had to appreciate me. I had to learn to love myself again. Was that rebound from hell really a mistake? Could I have learned to love me without it? I don’t know. I wish I had not done it. I regret that rebound. But God can take a messy mistake and turn it into something good.

It’s like if we put too much cumin, or pepper, in the soup. God can put in other spices, other healthy vegetables, sweet nourishment, to counteract the mistake. The soup becomes rich and hearty.

Do we need to make mistakes in order to learn? Or to appreciate the good things in life?

Let’s hope we learn enough to not make more big ones.

Let’s hope we can heal the mess we’ve made of the planet, mend relationships, bridge the divide.

God help us. I know imagine you’re tired of our mess and want us to learn on our own.

Maybe we will. But could you just give certain people a nudge. You know, the ones who put too much pepper in the soup. Help them, help us, help me, be careful with the pepper – my irritability and critical thoughts….

Add some sweet corn, sweet peas, sweet potato, maybe even some mango. Nudge us to use a dash of compassion, a spoonful of empathy, a cup of kindness.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is hosted by Linda Hill. For more streams and rules, visit:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS April 24, 2021 | (lindaghill.com)


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Who But You…

Today’s prompt: “start with who/whom” Begin your post with either “who” or “whom” and go from there. Have fun!

“Who but you

could breathe and leave a trail of galaxies

and dream of me?

What kind of love

is writing my story until the end

with mercy’s pen?

That’s how the song starts that I will be singing Sunday morning in church, God willing. The song is “Alive,” as recorded by Natalie Grant. I hope I can do it some kind of justice and not get lost in the feeling, because I love this song. I love the words and the music, the rhythm and how it crescendos and softens.

Tomorrow will be the first time since Christmas that we’ve been inside the church for a regular service. We’ll be wearing masks and keeping safe distance, though I will not be wearing a mask when I sing. I’ve tried, and it’s too hard to get enough air on the inhale. But I’ll be tucked away in a corner behind the altar, at least 10 to 20 feet from anyone, I hope. All the rest of our music will be instrumental on the organ. I am honored, but mostly I hope people can feel the song.

Imagine the deep sadness, the agony Mary Magdalene felt watching Jesus die. Whether you believe Jesus was and is the divine son of God, or just a man who lived and was killed for his revolutionary ideas about love and equality, it was painful for those who loved him to watch him die. Imagine Mary Magdalene going to take care of his body in the tomb, wanting so badly to see him, but knowing he his dead since that dark day, the darkest day she has ever known.

Then, she sees him, and he is alive! I love how this video with the song shows her joy and the awe of the men she goes to tell about this miracle, that Jesus is alive!

I’m sure I’ve shared this song before, but this is where the stream has taken me today. May you feel joy and awe at this story and being alive!

Death has lost and love has won.

For more streams of consciousness and SoCS rules, visit our host, Linda Hill at:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS April 3, 2021 | (lindaghill.com)


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SoCS & JusJoJan: Manifesting and Letting Go

Your prompt for #JusJoJan and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “close eyes and point.” When you’re ready to write your post, open a book, a newspaper, or whatever is handy and close your eyes and point. Whatever word or picture your finger lands on, make that the basis of your SoCS/JusJoJan post. Enjoy!

The book closest to me was, The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie. It’s a daily meditation book for codependents. Her first one. It’s my second copy because I wore the first one out. But I haven’t read it in a long time, so I’m surprised it was close by. Maybe I was going to lend it to someone.

We’ve been through a lot together.

Anyway, here’s what I pointed to:

“It may not happen the way we wanted it to and hoped it would. But our controlling wouldn’t have made it happen either. “ (July 23: “Making it Happen”)

Hmmm. Some things have actually turned out better than I hoped they would. Other things did not. Life is full of surprises. Trying to control things is a hard habit to break. The other day, I went out with my adult daughter and found myself telling her she should do this or that. She was relatively patient with me, and I need to apologize. It’s not like I was doing it a lot, but more than I should. Yikes! There’s the should word again! We are human.

When things don’t turn out the way we hoped or dreamed or did all that manifesting stuff, maybe it’s because God has other plans. God or the Universe, whoever. There are powers greater than us who know better what we need. And it aint over til it’s over. Maybe God has something even better planned!

All we have to do is our best. That does not mean perfect. My best is different on any given day. Sometimes my best is listening well, being kind, sorting a stack of papers, throwing stuff out, exercising and eating well, or maybe my best is just doing one of those things. Some days, my best is getting a load of laundry done and watching a movie.

We should can let God and the universe know what we want. Name our hearts’ desires, imagine the feelings we’ll have when we get what we want or something even better. We can go ahead and work hard for our hopes and dreams increasing the chances of them coming true. But God and the universe might have other plans. Maybe there are lessons we need to learn first, like I wrote about in my book. Maybe we need to walk the long and winding road. Or maybe our dream come true is right around the corner.

The point is, stop trying SO hard. Stop worrying SO much. Ask, do your best, and let it go. (Note to self.)

Stream of Consciousness Saturday and Just Jot January is brought to us by Linda Hill. For more info, visit:

The Friday Reminder for #SoCS & #JusJoJan 2021 Daily Prompt – Jan. 23rd | (lindaghill.com)


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A Letter to My Past Self About Reasons to Keep Living

This post is inspired by Eliza at: https://elizajourneythroughlife.home.blog/

I’m sending this back in time to myself whenever it’s needed most, sometime in my late teens or early twenties when I had thoughts about suicide. 

Dear JoAnne, 

It’s me, your future self, writing this to you when I am 65 years old which doesn’t feel as old as I thought it would back then when I was 20. Believe me, there is plenty of life to live. 

I know this is hard time for you. I know you are confused and lost trying to figure out what to do with your life. I know your heart aches and that you’ve had thoughts of giving up. Don’t give up!  It’s very important that you know life will get better. There will be hard times ahead. There will be times when you feel your heart is breaking, but the good times will vastly, surely, and greatly outweigh the bad. When I look back at all the good times over the past 45 years, I am so grateful that I didn’t give up.

You will gradually gain the skills to navigate and overcome the hard times. Things that seem impossible now, will someday be easier or less important. 

There are good times, wonderful times, ahead with the constants in your life: nature, art, writing, dogs, horses, cats, learning, and spirituality. These are the things you need to focus on now – the true loves of your life that always nurture your spirit and feed your soul. There will be love. Love from men, friends, and family. Your parents love you very much, even more than you can realize right now since you haven’t had children, yet, but you will. The love of family and friends is important. For now, don’t worry about the men, especially the ones who act like boys. You deserve love that is kind and caring, mature and strong. It might take a while, but you will have it. For now focus on loving yourself. 

You are valuable! You are worth so much more than you know. You have so much to give to this world with all your gifts, gifts that are still being developed. 

I know you might not want to hear this right now, but God loves you deeply, profoundly and forever. Just trust me on this. Your family is praying for you every day. Let this knowledge strengthen you. I know your ideas about religion are eclectic and nontraditional, and that’s okay. That’s part of who you are. But understand that there is a Higher Power who loves you dearly and has a wonderful plan for you! Trust the timing.

So, forget about men for now.  Remember your dreams. Your dreams may change, but they will always be about helping others and Mother Earth. For now, focus on loving yourself and learning. Cut down on the drinking. Be safe. Go back to college. Feel free to explore different classes, different interests.

There’s a whole world of possibilities waiting for you!

I’m sending big hugs and abundant love across time to you. Be still for a moment and feel it. Then move forward with you wonderful life. I promise your life will be will be interesting, beautiful and full of wonder.  

I love you always, 

JoAnna

Today’s Just Jot January topic was, “Letter.” I’m thankful to E for her nudge and patience on this letter and to Linda, our JusJoJan host for getting me to go through my draft ideas to get it written.

For more on Just Jot January, visit: #JusJoJan prompt the 11th – “Letter” | (lindaghill.com)


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SoCS: The Road to Fruition is Lined with Caladiums

Our Stream of consciousness prompt for today is: “-tion.” Find a word that ends with “tion.” Bonus points if you start your post with it. Have fun!

Fruition takes time. Fruition is one of the words I thought of when I read the prompt. There was also communication, action, imagination….. I recently did a one-liner on imagination. Creation is a word close to my heart. But fruition keeps tugging at me.

When we want something badly, we don’t want it to take a lot of time. But fruition is about growing into, becoming, developing. There’s a readiness that needs to happen. Like in my memoir. 39 years is a long time, but a lot happened in the meantime. Life flows up and down, around and under, twisting on The Long and Winding Road which is one of my favorite songs.

My garden veggies are not coming to fruition as I’d hoped. David says it’s because there isn’t enough sunlight on account of all the trees. We cut some back, but maybe we’ll have to cut more in the winter. Not cutting any big ones mind you. Mostly we’ll cut privet. The basil has done well and the ginger seems to be growing nicely. The zucchini plants have plenty of leaves and beautiful flowers, but no zucchini. Maybe we’ll try spinach.

The caladiums have done great.

Behind the elephant ears are basil and ginger on the left, and maybe squash leaves coming through the fence. Maybe we let the squash vines get too long. I don’t know.

Prayers come to fruition over time, but not always how we expect. A few nights ago I stood in my backyard in the dark praying hard about a family issue regarding one of my adult children. The angels heard me. God heard me. Jesus heard me. I felt a bit of relief that comes when you can’t deal with it any more and have to trust a Power greater than yourself. Things have improved, and I am reminded that sometimes things have to get messed up before they can get better.

The long and winding road continues to twist and turn, and I will enjoy the caladiums. And the basil.

May all your best dreams, hopes and prayers come to the best possible fruition.

One more thing. US Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died at the age of 87. She was a strong pioneer for equality and justice. She lived a life that came to abundant fruition.

For more streams of consciousness, and the rules, visit our host, Linda Hill at:


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When I Call God, Mother

Sunday Morning Revelation:

Whenever I hear a church leader or reader refer to God or the Holy Spirit as Her or She, I think, YES!. Sometimes, I do the same or say “Mother” or “Creator” instead of “Father.” I do not do this to exclude men or masculinity. Men and masculinity are equally important with women and the feminine. My growing understanding of the Black Lives Matter movement has helped me realize a parallel. For a very long time, the Christian church has been dominated by a male hierarchy. At the time the Bible was written, women were considered property. Women have had to fight for the right to vote, own property, and make their own decisions. In some churches, women are still not allowed to be priests or ministers. Yes, men are important. Yes, all lives matter. But for much of history, black lives have not mattered. For much of human history, women’s lives have not mattered. When I refer to God as She, Her, Mother, or Creator, I am not trying to exclude men, I am trying to create my own sense of balance. God is bigger than gender or race. God is inclusive. God is all colors.


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SoCS: Letting Go and Tossing it Up

Today’s prompt is simply the word, “toss,” with the encouragement to use it any way we like and to enjoy!

It’s a toss up. Will I toss and turn tonight or sleep well and deeply? I think I will lean toward the latter. I’m in the mountains this weekend, and fresh air will help me sleep. That’s what Mom always said. The grand kids are here, and we’re not as cuddly as usual because of the thing. But we did a little hike this afternoon and will go on a longer one tomorrow which will be Saturday.

I’m writing this on Friday night as usual. The sky has a pink glow beyond the abundance of trees. I’ve been wanting to find a kayak to use on the nearby lake.  Been looking on line and nothing is jumping out at me. Plus I need  would like to have it delivered – something I’ve never done with something that big. Craig’s list doesn’t have anything in the area. When things aren’t happening in my expected time frame, I have to remember that God might have a plan, even for something as minor as a kayak. So, I’m going to toss this desire up to God. It worked with my desire for a compatible partner.

Tossing a thing up to God does not relieve me of responsibility.  I still have to look around and take care of business. I just don’t need to fret over it. Or anything. So, sometimes, the fretting goes away for a little while, until it comes back. But those moments of letting go and trusting the timing do feel good. Like taking off a heavy pack and tossing it someplace for safekeeping. Or tossing our cares to the wind so we can run free, at least for a while.  When it’s time, we pick up the responsibilities that are truly ours – our actions and words, thoughts, and prayers, hopes and dreams…. perhaps for peace starting in our own minds and our own hearts.

Here’s a recent photo I took because I thought I saw angels in the sky.  By the time I took the shot, they had already started to disperse. What do you see?

blue sky with angels and dragon clouds

Happy Freedom Day!

For more streams of consciousness, visit Linda Hill at this link:

https://lindaghill.com/2020/07/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-4-2020/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!


12 Comments

Gaia Talks with God

Earth, The Blue Marble (2)

 

“I’m so tired.”

“You do look pale.” The Creator caressed her face as a tear fell into the hand of the One who loved her since her birth so long ago.

“When will they learn?”

“Some are becoming more aware.  The fires and floods have gotten their attention. They  are making progress.

“Yes, but too many are still blind. It’s got to be something bigger. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

The Creator sighed. “You know dear, Gaia, that I do not wish to cause suffering.”

“I know. I only ask that you allow natural consequences, that you do not intervene so readily. They need to understand that their actions have consequences. Yet so few are making the connection.”  Gaia coughed and felt her chest burn. The Creator felt her pain,  as she drew on her healing reserves and struggled to compose herself.

“I need respite, my Lord, time to build my strength.”

“I will consider it, my child. I know you have suffered much.”  The Creator wrapped loving arms around her. Her blues and greens became more vibrant and she was blessed with a moment of hope.

 

Mother Earth is a living organism

 


16 Comments

Desire and Divine Intervention

Here’s something different for a Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:  The word is, “want.” Make the word “want” the first, second, or third word of your post. Have fun!

72530873-4C03-4E67-80E2-39270B3FC76F

I didn’t want to want a man in my life. 

The divorce had strangled my heart – figuratively, and acid reflux made me think I was having a heart attack. The rebound from hell should have made me swear off romantic relationships. Rebound number 2 was better, but still stressful. I couldn’t relax with him, even after three years. Men were too much stress. The little bit of romance and security was not worth the headaches and stomach aches.

So I asked God to take away the desire for a partner. Then, as an afterthought, I said, “or send me a good one.”

And eventually, when the time was right, God did just that. (God didn’t take away the desire, though I relaxed a bit just turning it over.) God sent me a good one.  Not perfect, but maybe perfect for me – allowing me to work on my issues and him to work on his issues, and the little bit of (normal) stress is totally worth the abundance of security and compatibility.

The long version is my memoir, Trust the Timing. But I’m also working on a short version, called From Loneliness to Love, Five Steps for Finding a Healthy Relationship.  It’s almost ready for publication. Just when I think I’ve got it all lined up, there’s a formatting issue that pops up between the uploading and the proofing. I guess I need to keep plugging away and trust the timing.

I want it to all fall into place, which happens occasionally, though not as often as I want. A friend of mine told me, “If it don’t fit, don’t force it.” If you want something really bad and it’s not happening, don’t force it.  Don’t give up, but try something a little different, take a break, take up a hobby. If it’s meant to happen, it will.

When David was 15 and moved far away,  the lady I babysat for told me, “If you are meant to be together, you will be.”  It stopped my tears and gave me hope. Life went on and on. David became a sweet but distant memory.  Then, 39 years after we said goodbye in 1972, he found me again. Now he is my life partner. The good one. Not forced, but falling into place.

We are all waiting to see what will happen in the world and in our lives. But we are not alone and never were.

Don’t force it. Trust the timing.

I’m still learning that one.

This is for all the lonely people.

For more Streams of Consciousness, visit our host, Linda Hill at:

https://lindaghill.com/2020/05/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-16-2020/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!


39 Comments

Reasons to Live

This post  was inspired by Eliza at Reasons to Live

IMG_1972 (2)

In 1976, I thought about suicide. I was in 21, my boyfriend had broken up with me, and I dropped out of college. Things weren’t working out like I had hoped. Not even close.

I didn’t act on my suicide thoughts because I knew how much it would hurt my parents. They had already lost my younger sister who was killed by a drunk driver. They didn’t deserve to lose another child. No parent deserves to lose a child to death.

Eventually, I went back to college and married someone who I had a lot in common with like art, science fiction, pizza, and beer. We grew up a little and made wonderful memories having two children who I love dearly.  If I had killed myself at 21, I would not have know the love and joy of a family.

Over twenty years of marriage, my husband and I grew apart. We didn’t seem to have as much in common anymore, but I still believed in our marriage. I believed we’d grow old together and travel across the country in an RV after the children were grown.  But that wasn’t what happened.

My husband left me around the turn of the century. I was in shock. Devastated. I didn’t want to live anymore with the pain of being rejected and “alone,” though I was never really alone.  Thoughts of suicide crossed my mind, but I knew I couldn’t act on them. My children needed me, my dogs needed me, and my parents loved me. I couldn’t abandon them.

Vulnerable and confused, I made things worse by allowing myself to fall into a terrible relationship, now dubbed “the rebound from hell.” But I survived and moved on, putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I got dragged.

Cartoon about footprintes

In time, I learned to love myself again. I rediscovered my value, my gifts,  and the constants in my life that have always been important to me like nature, animals, music, art, family, and God who has been with me through every heartache and every challenge.

Now, I am married to the love of my life who found me when the time was perfect. Together and as individuals we’re exploring creative ventures, living our dreams, and building wonderful memories.

If I had remained single, I am certain that I would have been happy in the company of friends and family, loved unconditionally by dogs and by God, growing in confidence, peace, and gratitude.

 

I would not have wanted to miss any of this life.

 

JoAnne and little Ayla on a horse at Ashton Farm (2)

Me and my daughter 1995

Jesse swimming (2)

Jesse 2006

Bride & Groom framed  by doors

2012 with my high school sweetheart

JoAnne painting rabbits

Painting on a community mural 2016

sunset scarlet with bird

So many spectacular sunsets…

birds on beach w blue

Walks on the beach…

Jess looking at hole in tree

…. and adventures with grand children.

 

 Miracles are everywhere.

Remember these words from Mary Oliver’s poem, “Wild Geese”:

 

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely

The world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –

announcing your place in the family of things.