Anything is Possible!

With Faith, Hope and Perseverance


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Soulmates: Finding a Good Fit

puzzle pieces

Since I often use the word, soulmate, That Girl’s post: The Soulmate Phenomenon, grabbed my attention. It got me thinking about the word, “soulmate,” which can mean different things to different people. I never liked the expression, “my other half,” or “my better half.” I am not half a person. My soul was okay without a human partner,  especially having human and animal friends who loved me. Yet, at times, I did feel like something was missing. I considered that annoying void carefully.  If my soulmate was still out there, I didn’t want to get side tracked (again) by an impostor. I clarified what qualities my soulmate would have.

Here are some things I’ve learned about soulmates:

What is a soulmate? The word, soulmate sounds romantic, but for me, it goes beyond romance. It’s someone who is a good fit – not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. My soulmate is someone who nourishes my soul, my true self, the part of me that will live on into eternity. My soulmate was meant for me. He gets me.

Who Can it Be? Can we have more than one soulmate?  I believe so. I probably thought my first husband was my soulmate. At first we were a good fit. But in the twenty years we were married, we both changed and grew in different directions. I think I changed more than he did. He would probably agree, but I wouldn’t swear to it. My soul was pretty shaken when he left. After that, I had a much deeper appreciation for my friends. It’s possible that a close friend or relative  could be a soulmate.

When is he (or she) going to get here? A soulmate comes when we are ready. He or she may leave and come back again. The man I am now married to was my first love. We dated for less than a year, then he was gone – a sweet memory for 39 years – until the time was right. Though he says it would not have worked out when we were younger, we are clearly a good fit, now. He nourishes my soul. He feels like my soulmate. Maybe he’s my super soulmate.

Why Care? It’s different for everyone, but having a partner or close friend to share life with is a comfort, and in many cases, increases longevity, as long as that person is a good fit, someone who respects you and doesn’t add constant stress to your life. Being with someone who understands and nurtures us, improves the quality of life. Soulmates encourage healthy growth and well being in one another.

How to find one? In my April newsletter, I’ll be sharing about the five steps I took that helped my soulmate find me. Here’s the overview:

  • Clarify desires
  • Turn it over
  • Work on YOU
  • Focus on friendship
  • Imagine!

For details coming next week, sign up for my monthly newsletter at the sidebar on the right.

Or just click here:  http://eepurl.com/cLDxdD

What are your thoughts about soulmates?  Do you think we can have more than one?


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Lesson Learned – One-Liner Wednesday

“If it don’t fit, don’t force it.”

I learned this lesson from my two post-divorce rebounds. It took long enough! The first one, the “rebound from hell,” lasted a year, which was a year too long. The second rebound lasted three years and was not hellish, though it did feel like purgatory in the end. At least I was making progress. Five years of celibacy taught me that it was entirely possible to be happy without a man in my life and helped me accept that I could be the love of my life. Then, I got the surprise of my life!

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One-liner Wednesday is brought to us by Linda Hill. You can read more one-liners and see Linda’s pretty new colors at:

https://lindaghill.com/2017/04/12/one-liner-wednesday-colour-my-world/

Here are the One-Liner Wednesday rules which I sometimes follow:

1. Make it one sentence.

2. Try to make it either funny or inspirational.

3. Use our unique tag #1linerWeds.

4. Add our very cool badge to your post for extra exposure!

5. Have fun!

 


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Does it Really Need to Be That Complicated?

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Photo compliments of Pixabay. Search word: “frustrated”

Linda’s prompt for this Saturday’s Stream of Consciousness post was: “moot.” I thought I knew what it meant: meaningless, worthless, not worth bothering with. But I’m glad I looked it up, because I was wrong!  Google’s first definition for moot was:

“subject to debate, dispute, or uncertainty, and typically not admitting of a final decision.”

Maybe I was subconsciously thinking of the word, mute. Did anyone else think moot meant meaningless? Anyway, it’s good to get that cleared up. Thanks, Linda.

Moot is a good word to describe my relationship with a certain email marketing system. I spent a lot of time setting this up to send out my monthly newsletter. I like the creative aspects of this kind of work, and I’m not as low-tech as I used to be, but this particular system, the only one I’ve used so far, almost drove me crazy yesterday. Last month I spent more than a couple  hours figuring out about content boxes and where everything was to paste my newsletter parts into the template I’d created. Yesterday, I spent two hours figuring it out, but when I looked at the preview, there was stuff from November in the current template which was a separate template….Anyway, sorry to bore you with this.

I don’t want to deal with it anymore. It shouldn’t be this complicated. Reminds me of the rebound relationships I had after my divorce. Yes, they were good at fixing things around my house, and they seemed confident on the surface, but they were too complicated in ways that were too much work. Fixer uppers. I finally decided it just wasn’t worth the cost to my serenity. I didn’t need that much stress in my life. I could deal with it if I had to, but I didn’t have to.

That’s how I feel right now about the email marketing platform. Too much monkey business for me. So I’m sending out my December newsletter the old-fashioned way, as an attachment from my personal email. Maybe it’s a good thing my list isn’t that long right now. Someday, maybe I’ll try that monkey thing again, or another company. I don’t know. But right now, it’s moot.

Oh, I almost forgot. I believe I removed those pop ups asking if people wanted to sign up for my newsletter. I never really liked pop ups anyway. If you like them, that’s fine. But I felt uncomfortable with them being here. So if you see any pop ups here, please let me know. And if you want to get my monthly newsletter the old-fashioned way, just email me at the address on my contact page.

Thanks for letting me vent.

The Stream of Consciousness can be therapeutic! If you want to read more about “moot,” visit Linda’s blog:

https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-1716

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Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

 


11 Comments

Gratitude Makes Sense of our Past

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melody Beattie

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 Twenty years of Holy Matrimony

Tossed out like old shoes.

What happened to the promise?

To the the dream?

To the love?

Change ran them off

Down divergent paths.

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Years

of

Confusion

and

Loneliness

Finally passed as

 Acceptance

Seeped into the empty space

 Making room for new possibilities.

 I found my self again.

And loved me for my soul.

And  when the time was right,

Everything made sense.

live-oak-afternoon-good

Now I’m thankful

that he made that space

and found a better fit.

I’m thankful for the time to heal

and learning to let go.

I’m thankful for the lessons learned

on long and winding roads.

I’m  thankful for convergent paths

That brought my true love home.

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© 2016 JoAnne Silvia. All words and photos on this post are the property of JoAnne Silvia.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and followers for whom I am very thankful! 


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Rebound From Hell

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Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?

Well, considering the word, “never,” which I don’t like to use, then the answer would be yes. To have never loved at all, would be sad. But if we expand this question beyond romantic love, then who hasn’t loved some one or some thing?

In my post-divorce single years, trying to be cynical about love, I laughed out loud when I saw the following saying on T-shirt:

“It’s better to have loved and lost, than to live the rest of your life with a psychotic.”

I’m not saying my x husband suffered from psychosis. But my post-divorce rebound from hell probably did. Of course I didn’t know it when I met him. And neither did he. People are on their best behavior when we first meet them. And I was blinded by grief and codependency.

The rebound from hell contained one crisis after another. Thank God it only lasted a year, which was a year too long, though I feel like the delusional jealousy and emotional abuse took years off my life.  I am reclaiming those years, now!

To be perfectly honest, I wish I’d never loved him. The best thing that came out of that relationship was learning to have compassion for people who stay in unhealthy relationships too long.

Every relationship teaches us something we need to learn. I needed to learn to love and respect myself again. I needed know that I am loved and cherished by a Power greater than myself who brings me back to sanity. I had to learn to honor my own boundaries, to be ready for healthy love with some one else. Some one who is not  psychotic.

Not that I have anything against psychotic people. As long as they are getting therapy and/or working a recovery program, taking medications as prescribed (if prescribed), and can respect me and my boundaries, fine. We can hang out.

We all have broken places that need mending. We all have something to work on. We all need love. Good, healthy love.

Today, I celebrate my independence from co-dependence.

 

Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday post prompt for today was “is.” And I got bonus points for using it at the end of a word :).

If you’d like to join in the fun, visit:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/07/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-415/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!


5 Comments

Valentine’s Day Can Be Whatever Works

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Photo by JoAnne Silvia

I’m often curious about the true meaning of holidays, beyond the commercialism and promotions of our popular culture. In researching the origins of Valentine’s Day, I discovered there was more than one guy named Valentine. There were at least three martyrs named Valentine who were killed for helping Christians in one way or another. One romantic legend suggests there was a priest named Valentine who secretly helped young lovers get married against the law set by the Roman Emperor, Claudius II.

Now Valentine’s day has sent us scurrying about buying cards and candy or flowers, and perhaps going on a romantic date with our sweetheart. But what if you’re not in a romantic relationship? What if you’re not even  close to having one of those? It can feel a bit lonely. I remember.

During my five years of celibacy, I decided to make Valentine’s Day about more than romance, unless you count romance with yourself. Can you have romantic love with yourself? It depends on how you define romance. One definition is: a love affair. Why not be in love with yourself? Not in a narcissistic way, but in a nurturing way. In those dry spells, when I felt lonely, I bought myself flowers and learned to say, “I love you,” in the mirror without feeling silly-though feeling silly is not always a bad thing. One Valentine’s Day, I even got myself a massage. This kind of nurturing self love is, I believe, a prerequisite for a healthy relationship with some one else. I had to learn to love myself before I could be ready to love and be loved by my soul mate.

There is also nothing wrong with using Valentine’s Day as a reminder to express platonic love to friends and familial love to siblings, parents, children and even our dogs who love us so unconditionally.

Which brings me to God. God and dogs love us unconditionally. See the sweet video by Wendy Francisco at http://www.godanddog.org/

This kind of love is often called Agape. (pronounced Uh-gop-ay).

Allow yourself to feel that love from God. Let it comfort you like a soft warm blanket…… or a gentle healing light that touches the top of your head and flows gently through your whole being as you breathe slowly and deeply. Opening to the peace and comfort of agape might take practice. But know this: God is really good at this kind of love.  God loves us no matter what. Forever. That doesn’t mean God is going to give us what we want when we want it. Like a loving parent, God knows what we need. And, as I’ve learned, God has perfect timing.

Let Valentine’s Day be about what ever kind of love you want.  Let it be about every kind of love you want. Remember to include yourself in your circle of compassion.

For another perspective on the day of love check out this post on Wilmington Faith and Values:

http://wilmingtonfavs.com/2014/02/12/loveheart-conjunction/


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When Looking for a Soul Mate, Be Happy with You.

Do what makes you happy.

Do what makes you happy!

(It’s possible to find your soul mate when you stop looking.)

      At the beginning of each year I make a collage about what I want in my life in the  new year. The tradition was started by a church member one New Year’s Eve, and now continues as part of our annual Epiphany Party for the family and friends of Good Shepherd Church. (All are welcome!)  After my divorce, my collages always included something about a soul mate, or at least a compatible partner, along with pictures and words representing good health, creativity, healing and nature. Collage making has always been great fun, even when I took it too seriously.

   I made a collage booklet once in a workshop about manifesting your goals. I dedicated a whole page to manifesting a partner who would be compatible with me. He had to love dogs. So, I had a magazine picture of a guy and his dog running toward a photo of me and my two dogs. I had a picture of a man and a woman gazing at a beautiful mountain. I wrote in colorful markers about all the qualities I was looking for in a soul mate. The workshop facilitators said we would be amazed at how fast our dreams would come true if we just believe. I believed fiercely.

     So, as the years went by, I started to wonder what my soul mate was up to. What was taking him so long?

     Becoming tired of fretting about my soul mate, I worked on turning the whole thing over to God.  I tried not care.  Books about about the advantages of being single helped. Look at all the great things single women have accomplished. Just look at Mother Theresa, for example. I realized that it was quite possible to be satisfied with being single. And I had learned the hard way that it’s better to be single than to be with someone who adds a lot of stress to your life. Yet, I still wanted a compatible partner. In time, I became gentle with myself. I realized that wanting a partner was a natural thing and quit beating myself up about it.

     While  trying not to look for my soul mate, and keeping my eyes open just in case  he came along, I decided to explore what made me happy.  I tried out for some plays that I was not cast in. I went to the monthly “hippie drumming” event of the Saturday African drum circle. This led to free form dancing and chanting and feeling completely accepted. I experimented with a bit of improvisational dance mobbing on the street with some of those same people.

Have fun with Positive People.

Have fun with Positive People.

     I volunteered for clean ups at the lake where my daughter and I got to see lots of turtles and an alligator who kept looking back at us while swimming away from our canoe.  Instead of avoiding romantic movies completely,  I learned to enjoy a bit of romance vicariously, from the safety of my recliner.

    In little ways, I started to create space, to make room for my soul mate.  I got rid of stuff  in my garage, saying to myself,  someday the right man will make this his workshop. (Now it is completely full of my soul mate’s workshop stuff.) I put two lawn chairs next to each other in the back yard where my soul mate and I would later sit and talk by the fire. I hung a ceramic heart in the relationship corner of my living room according to a bit of feng shui I heard somewhere. The most important thing I did was to make room in my own heart by forgiving those who I felt betrayed by. The forgiving was not easy. It was a 10 year process.

Do what you love.

Do what nurtures your spirit.

      I didn’t know then what I know now. As I was getting ready for my soul mate, he was getting ready for me. Maybe he wasn’t doing this consciously for me, but he was working on personal growth and development in some really important ways. We were each working on ourselves as individuals. We were learning the lessons we needed to learn to be ready to work on ourselves and our partnership together.  It took longer than I thought it should have, but in retrospect, the timing was perfect. (That’s why our book is called: Perfect Timing.)

    So, while you’re waiting, work on YOU! Before you can find the right person, you have to be the right person for yourself.  Be the best, happiest, smartest you that you can be. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Be healthy. Explore what gives you peace and fulfillment. What are the constants in your life that have always brought you strength?  Work on that project you didn’t have time for when you were distracted by someone who wasn’t right for you. Nurture friendships with positive people. Work on forgiving those who have hurt you, even if you need to keep them at a distance for your own well being. Most of all, love yourself! Look in the mirror and say, I love you!  I know it might feel strange at first, but do it anyway.  Experiment with looking in your own eyes and telling yourself how beautiful you are. It gets easier with practice.  Don’t worry about the timing. God has great plans for you!

          And Be careful what you ask for. Now I have 5 dogs.

A dog can be a girl's best friend.

A dog can be a girl’s best friend.