“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
―
…
I thought I knew all the stages of grief.
But there’s always more to learn.
I never understood the role of bargaining in my divorce.
I don’t remember begging, though I did ask “Why?”
wandering around in shock.
The counselor said the marriage could be saved
unless there were other lovers –
then it wouldn’t work.
The other woman had been my friend
before the bottom fell out.
There was no checking in.
No sisterhood.
.
I used to think guilt was a stage of grief,
guilt the companion of bargaining,
guilt who knows where I live.
Maybe if I’d been more attentive,
more docile, more playful…
I thought I was doing a good job
for the two decades tossed away.
Why? Why? Why? ad infinitum….,
(until now.)
.
Anger got lost in depression,
the depression I tried to swallow,
but it kept coming back up.
Or I’d stuff it in a drawer and forget about it
until I went looking for that purple scarf
and it grabbed me around the throat
and threw me on the bed.
I couldn’t get up
but I could roll over and slide down
to put my knees on the floor.
.
All the while I wrestled with depression,
anger lurked nearby growing into a boulder of resentment
blocking my path to happiness.
.
But where was this acceptance I kept hearing about?
I had no idea.
.
It wasn’t until forgiveness
finally got a foot in the door
and started chipping away at resentment,
that acceptance had a chance to work.
It was forgiveness that opened a path for love.
Love of self. Love of family. Love of life.
And finally when the time was right,
Love from another.
.
Now, after all these years, I’ve awakened
to another stage:
Gratitude.
Eighteen years ago I would have never believed it possible
to be grateful for my divorce.
But if the first marriage had not died,
if the other woman had not been there,
I would not have been set free.
Free to fall.
Free to flounder.
Free to fly.
Free to find myself again.
Free to be found.
…
Happy Thanksgiving!
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November 21, 2018 at 10:39 am
So powerful and a great witnessing of your own self-compassion! Much love, Ka 💗
November 21, 2018 at 11:14 am
Thank you, Ka. This one means a lot to me. ❤
November 21, 2018 at 10:40 am
Happy Thanksgiving 🍁
November 21, 2018 at 12:25 pm
You, too! 🙂
November 21, 2018 at 3:18 pm
Thank you 😊
November 21, 2018 at 11:45 am
This is absolutely beautiful. I see a lot of the power my sister found on the other side of her divorce here. Thanks for being so open about your journey. 🙏🏼💛
November 21, 2018 at 12:26 pm
It’s taken a while. Thank you for your affirmations, Laura. Blessings to you. ❤
November 21, 2018 at 11:57 am
“It was forgiveness that opened a path for love.”
~ Forgiveness was also a key in my own recovery.
Happy Thanksgiving, JoAnna ❤
November 21, 2018 at 12:36 pm
It’s a powerful process that started out like pulling teeth and praying for the willingness to begin the process. Happy Thanksgiving, Rosaliene. ❤
November 21, 2018 at 12:18 pm
You’re amazing! Thanks for sharing your experience. Forgiveness and gratitude have magical powers.
November 21, 2018 at 12:50 pm
They sure do! Thanks, J-Dub.
November 21, 2018 at 12:28 pm
Hi JoAnna! Yes!! I say a giant resounding yes for honoring ALL of your past. Seems we, once again, are on a parallel journey…one of acceptance and forgiveness realizing that every single moment of the journey is important. I send so much love and beautiful energy to you. I hope that you will have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with family and friends.
Sweet Blessings,
Lorrie ❤
November 21, 2018 at 12:56 pm
Every single moment is important. I’m smiling in contentment at that as sunlight reaches in through the window to my keyboard. Thank you dear Lorrie. Sweet Blessings to you, too. ❤
November 21, 2018 at 3:33 pm
Such powerful words of emotions described! Gratitude indeed becomes the vehicle that carries us from the past to the present and into the future – it gives us grace through the difficult journeys of life.
November 21, 2018 at 5:43 pm
Yes! Gratitude gives us grace. I can get down from making mountains out of molehills, but gratitude works to pull me back to grace every time. Thank you for your thoughtful comment!
November 21, 2018 at 5:43 pm
My pleasure and privilege.
November 21, 2018 at 4:26 pm
It’s awesome to find synchronicities during my day! Another one of the adult leaders for a teenage girls’ organization started a “gratitude project” today. I explained that a gratitude list was easy for me now, but I had trouble a few years ago. I told the girls that an AWESOME mentor had helped me, and I was happy to pay that forward and help them. Even though I helped others address gratitude issues today, THIS is what I needed to read for ME! Thank you… again! One Love, Many Blessings! 💖
November 21, 2018 at 5:40 pm
I’m so happy that this was what you needed for YOU! Synchronicities always excite me, so this makes my day, too. It’s funny – in a good way – how gratitude lists never get old for me. Each one feels like an awakening. One Love, Many Blessings! ❤
November 21, 2018 at 6:47 pm
I’m glad for you, JoAnna…that the sadness of your past has turned into gratitude. That makes for a happy heart and life.
November 21, 2018 at 10:12 pm
Thank you, Mary.
November 22, 2018 at 5:38 am
A most profound poem
November 22, 2018 at 9:56 pm
Thank you, Derrick.
November 22, 2018 at 9:01 am
Wise reflection Joanna. I too am grateful for my divorce, over 35 years ago. The hardest thing I ever did, but the best thing, too. Enjoy the here and now!
November 22, 2018 at 9:58 pm
Time sure gives us a different perspective. Thanks, Dan, for understanding and for the reminder to enjoy the here and now!
November 22, 2018 at 4:03 pm
That was absolutely beautiful!
November 27, 2018 at 11:09 am
Thank you, Joey!
November 22, 2018 at 8:20 pm
What a wonderful testimony of grief to gratitude! Thanks for sharing, and happy Thanksgiving!
November 22, 2018 at 9:51 pm
Thank you! I hope you had a lovely thanksgiving!
November 24, 2018 at 3:16 pm
Nice line: “It was forgiveness that opened a path for love.” That seems to be how it happens.
November 24, 2018 at 8:14 pm
Thank you, Frank.
November 25, 2018 at 12:02 am
i’m moved by these revealing words
of losing so, so much, JoAnna
enduring the most personal pain
and patiently allowing
the fruit of liberation
through gratitude, ripen 🙂
November 25, 2018 at 8:13 pm
Thank you, David. I wasn’t always patient. 😉 But the fruit did ripen and is delicious!
December 1, 2018 at 3:09 pm
I’m so glad to haer you have come full circle to that place where you can look aneadwith hope and not back with resentment. Growth is miraculous isn’t it?
December 1, 2018 at 3:16 pm
It is miraculous, when I consider where I was 15 years ago. Thank you!
December 1, 2018 at 3:46 pm
💕