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With Love, Hope, and Perseverance

Grieving a Lost Love (What I’ve Learned)

18 Comments

bird alone at sunset

In the divorce support group they said it generally takes one year of grief for every five years you were in the lost relationship. I did not want to hear that after my 20 year marriage ended. But experience has taught me a few things about the process.

  1. There might not be an end date. You can have moments of grief which may include denial, anger, guilt, depression… even acceptance, beyond the 1 to 5 ratio.

  2. The good news is, it gets easier with time. The waves of grief come further apart and they eventually get smaller. There will come a time when you rarely think about the lost love.

  3. When you’re grieving, you’re vulnerable, so be careful. I thought I was ready to date after the divorce was final. Boy was I wrong.

  4. Love YOU. Focus on the constants that have always been there for you and the the things you’ve always wanted to do. Take good care of yourself.

  5. Know you are loved unconditionally by a divine Power who is working on a plan for your best good.

  6. Believe that someone or something even better is on the way and will come to you when the time is right.Β  Trust the timing.

Here’s one of my favorite scenes from Cast Away. “Who knows what the tide could bring.”Β Β  (You might need to turn up the volume.)

Author: JoAnna

An open minded, tree-hugging Jesus follower, former counselor, and life-long lover of animals, I'm returning to my creative roots and have published my first book: Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again as well as the short version: From Loneliness to Love.

18 thoughts on “Grieving a Lost Love (What I’ve Learned)

  1. Sound advice – covers grief from different causes, too

  2. Thank you JoAnna, sometimes you meet words from a friend – you in this case – that puts
    the smile back. Be well yourself too.

    Miriam

  3. I can personally attest to the wisdom and validity of 4, 5, and 6. Great advice.

  4. Yes, your words are wise regarding grief and being patient with oneself. Great post!

  5. Great read. Completely agree with the advice. I’m currently struggling with #6.

    • I struggled with that, too. After two stressful rebounds in the first five years, I finally decided to focus on loving me. God was helping me out by not putting anyone interesting in my life beyond friendship. But I still wondered, why. Looking back, I needed to focus on myself and my daughter. I needed to heal and become ready for the love of my life who was doing the same. God had it planned all along. Love yourself well. Tell yourself you are valuable and beautiful and all the good qualities you will bring to someone who is worthy of your love. Even if you don’t believe it, tell yourself anyway until you do believe.

  6. Thanks for sharing your insights from your experience. ❀ πŸ™‚

  7. Powerful, and I’m sure helpful to those in the grief at present. We just celebrated 19 years. I suppose it would take me 5 years to stop grieving, although sometimes I fear I’d never recover, orrrr, he could turn into someone else, and maybe I’d be fine in five days, tops! πŸ˜‰
    Point being, grief is unpredictable and hope springs eternal.

    • Yes, grief is unpredictable AND hope springs eternal. I love that. I don’t know that we ever stop grieving, but it can become microscopic and rarely noticed. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Joey, but I know how that worry bug can be. I have to shoe them away regularly or STOMP them.

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