Anything is Possible!

With Love, Hope, and Perseverance

I’m Thankful I Didn’t Walk In Front of a Truck.

34 Comments

“The Suicide Note” at Manifesto Amelioration   reminded me that I thought about suicide when I was 20 years old.

It was in the late 70s, after high school when my codependency emerged full force. The guy I’d been dating was not a good fit. But I didn’t get it. Depressed, I dropped out of college, worked in nowhere jobs, and drank more I should have.

I had no active suicide plan, just thoughts about leaving work at the pizza place where I washed dishes with tears dripping into the sink, and walking in front of a truck. I thought about it more than once. Because my stupid boyfriend didn’t love me anymore, and life wasn’t working out at all like I planned.

What stopped me was that I didn’t want to hurt my parents. My little sister had been killed by a drunk driver less than two years earlier. The night she died, my father, the strongest man I’ve ever known, sat in his chair shaking his head and holding a cigarette for the first time in years. I felt his agony.  Even then, I knew that losing one child was a horrible burden for any parent to bear. I would not add to their pain.

I didn’t know how hard my parents were praying for me when I was 20. And that angels were watching over me, sometimes peeking though their fingers, shaking their heads in disbelief as I meandered along the edge of sanity.  I did not walk in front of any trucks, but I did put myself in some risky situations.

Thank you, angels.

 

Angel from Pixabay

Putting one wobbly, angel nudged foot in front of the other, I got over the boyfriend who was never a good fit. I had other boyfriends. I got married, graduated from college, and had two children. There was more heartbreak, but there were joys, too. Big joys. And lots of lessons. Today, my life is better than I could have ever imagined.

My point is that when I was 20 years old and thought about suicide, I didn’t know that the best years of my life were waiting for me.

Hope is always with us, waiting patiently. It gets better.

1-800-273-8255 

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

It ain’t over yet.

 

(The angel photo is from pixabay.)

Author: JoAnna

An open minded, tree-hugging Jesus follower, former counselor, and life-long lover of animals, I'm returning to my creative roots and have published my first book: Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again as well as the short version: From Loneliness to Love.

34 thoughts on “I’m Thankful I Didn’t Walk In Front of a Truck.

  1. We’re also fortunate that you came through this OK.

  2. I am so pleased you did not step in front of a truck too JoAnna, Its often hard during those teenage years when emotions run high and we feel vulnerable.
    There seems such a lot of pressure on our young folk today, and I do not know about the USA but here in the UK Suicide is up especially in the teens and early 20’s
    So its important to have that life line in which to reach out and have some one listen.

    Thank you for your courage in sharing this, And I also have had those same thoughts run through my mind in my youth. And once in later years. Like you, the best years were waiting.. 🙂

    Sending Huge hugs your way 🙂

    • When the pain is intense and we don’t know what to do, wanting to die can come up, especially when we are younger and don’t have as many skills or experience to know we can get through challenges. But when we push through, one step at a time, we learn we are stronger than we thought. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m glad we’re still here! Hugs to you, my friend. <3.

  3. Hopeful post, keep spreading hope 🙂 xx

  4. I appreciate that you wrote this story, thank you for sharing.

  5. Thanks! Great post. Life saver. Hugs

  6. Thank you for sharing this, JoAnna–and I am so sorry about your sister. I can’t imagine how hard that was for your parents. So glad you thought of them and their pain when you were going through such a hard time yourself.

  7. Thanks for sharing this tender moment, as well as what your family had already lost. I’m glad you’re here. Good things are always coming 🙂

  8. They say that the best thing in life are never free. Meaning I suppose, that we often pay a dear mental and emotional price that is sometimes physical as well. It seems we have to suffer a lot. I know that I did but here I am decades later . I am convinced that some of us have guardian angels. I know that I did. I had many close calls of losing my life, You are living proof of a guardian angel. I know that y0u are grateful.

    • I’m believing more and more in angels lately. 🙂 At least we learn how to cope with life better and enjoy the simple things as we get older and wiser. May your angels lighten all your burdens.

  9. Really like this song. Thanks for your honesty and openness. I’m glad you have a link to a hotline too.

  10. Thank you for sharing your story. And I appreciate you for being that strong. Good for you that you didn’t walk in front of the truck. I had a cousin who committed suicide at the age of 15. He died young. Upon reading your story I suddenly remembered him and if only he was as strong as you then he could have live the life he wanted.

    • I’m so sorry about your cousin. I know it was hard for everyone. He must have been in a lot of pain. I hope there are some good memories of him. Thank you for sharing this, Roxancena.

      • Thank you for taking time to reply Ma’am JoAnna. The family have learned to move on already. I think that was 14 years ago and I always believe that time heals all wounds. Have a nice day there!

         

  11. I’m happy you stuck
    with this difficult road
    of human existence
    where suffering
    seems guaranteed,
    moreso than joy 🙂

  12. Thankful you had the courage to continue your God given life’s journey. Thankful you shared your walking through the valley of despair and emerging from the experience.

  13. I’m also glad the truck never got you. We think we know do much st 20 and we really don’t know anything. So happy you have a wonderful life now. I feel you are a kindred spirit.

  14. Putting one wobbly, angel nudged foot in front of the other…I love this💕

  15. I praise God for getting you through that difficult time in your life. I can relate. Thank God also for your praying parents!

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