Anything is Possible!

With Hope, Faith, and Perseverance

First Love

30 Comments


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I met my first love in the fall of 1971, when I was 16 years old. I felt like my heart would break when he had to move 700 miles back to Connecticut with his family. A lady I babysat for told me that if we were meant to be together, we would be. That helped.

As broken hearted as I was over my first boyfriend moving, after we’d only gone steady for about 7 months, suicide never seriously crossed my mind.

The first time I thought about suicide was in my early twenties. I thought about walking out in front of a truck. It had to do with the break up with another boyfriend, and not knowing what I was going to do with my life. ….But my younger sister had been killed by a drunk driver and that hurt my parents so much, I could not hurt them in that way. They didn’t deserve that much pain….

It’s a darn good thing I didn’t kill myself! Because I would have missed out on many joys and adventures.  Countless joys, and countable sorrows that helped me learn and grow.  I was happily married for many years, gave birth to two extraordinary children, climbed mountains, swam in the ocean, laughed and danced and learned to play the guitar and sing…..

When my 20 year marriage ended,  I was depressed. A counselor asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I told her I could never consider doing that to my children and my parents. I just wanted the pain to stop.  So I got into a sick, addictive relationship. I didn’t know it was sick and addictive at first, but being vulnerable, at a low, low point in my life, it was pretty bad. Thankfully it only lasted a year. Which was a year too long.

The second post divorce relationship I got into was better, but definitely not “the one.” By the third year in that second relationship, I realized that I was never really able to relax with the man.

The third time was a charm. I’d been single and celibate for 5 years, working on me, when my first boyfriend found me again (39 years later) when the time was perfect!

The second, first time I saw him, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest with joy. Our second, first date was magic! When my nose drifted to his neck and inhaled his natural scent, I felt intoxicated. My brain had imprinted the natural smell of my first love all those years ago. I still adore his subtle, almost imperceptible scent.

You never know what plans God had in store for you.

Don’t ever give up. Miracles happen!

Today’s Stream of Consciousness post prompt was  to use an ordinal number, like first, second, third, ……

If you’d like to jump into the stream, start here:

http://lindaghill.com/2014/09/26/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-september-2714/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Author: JoAnna

An open minded, tree-hugging Christian, former counselor, and life-long lover of animals, I'm returning to my creative roots and have published my first book: Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again, available at amazon.com.

30 thoughts on “First Love

  1. I knew you’d been through some hard times in your life, but you never struck me as a person who would have considered suicide. I wish someday I can grow so much and be so whole as to surprise people like you just surprised me. You are one of my favorite bloggers because your light shines bright through your writing, and I’m really happy you found happiness. You are an inspiration.

    • I appreciate this feedback. It means a lot to me and inspires me to continue in the direction of writing and sharing my stories. Since today was a stream of consciousness post, I hadn’t planned on bringing up those details of hard times. I suspect a power greater than myself had a hand in this post. I’ve been thinking lately that blogging is taking up too much of my time…but your comment reminds me that it’s time well spent. In my early twenties, I had a hard time finding my way into adulthood. I was confused, wounded, and codependent before it was even called that. Through my job, I learned a lot about family roles and other things that helped me. But I still have my issues…like we all do. Last week, in a support group, I shared a secret that I feel embarrassed about. Two other people said they have the same issue. One said she felt embarrassed too. It was such a relief and helped me feel like maybe it wasn’t as horrible as I imagined. It reminded me that when I compare my insides to other people’s outsides, I think other people have perfect lives, clean houses and perfect families, when in reality, we all struggle and have a mess somewhere. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comments. I bet there are more surprises in store for both of us!

  2. heart-touching reflection
    on seeing with new eyes 🙂

  3. What an amazingly touching romance; and how rewarded you were for your faith!

  4. That is a very sweet story and amazing how that neighbor lady’s prediction came true. It is just miraculous that you got together again. It is good that you survived all the rough times and had so much strength as well.

  5. What a great story, JoAnna. Story doesn’t even feel like the right word. These types of things aren’t merely stories, but the moments that remind us the pool in which we wade is far deeper than it often appears. Our lives have roots that reach much farther than we tend to imagine, and those roots are intertwined with others, and the structure of it all– when it emerges like this– is humbling.

    I think far more than we like to admit struggle with the earlier feelings of not knowing their place, not feeling connected or involved in lives of meaning, and thinking not being is a potential solution to the pain. The sad truth of it is that we can’t fill that emptiness with another’s presence. We have to cultivate our own… I met the love of my life after an extended time being “alone” as well… It was a time of much reflection and I had entered it after the previous relationship knowing I didn’t yet quite have the toolkit I needed for an enduring partnership. A little time spent with the spaces within our own selves goes a long way…

    Peace
    Michael

    • Exactly, Michael! I love how you explain this. I had to learn to love myself first, to stand alone, but never really alone, connecting to a spiritual strength, building skills, equipping my toolkit, before I could be ready for the partner who is the best fit.

  6. Reblogged this on Loving Me, Too and commented:

    Today’s Stream of Consciousness gave me a deeper appreciation for my journey, and my first love.

  7. I love your post, but I need to tell you that this was the SoCS prompt for late September 2014, rather than 2015. I wanted to tell you so that you wouldn’t wonder why you weren’t getting more views from the pingback to Linda’s blog. I had thought that is was odd that you had commented on my response to this prompt from last year over the weekend, but now I understand why. Hope you and your beloved are having a lovely weekend!

  8. I absolutely loved reading this. I have read of these in your earlier posts but this really gave a view of what you have been through and how you have kept up. So happy about your first love. Many hugs and happiness coming your way 🙂

  9. Thank you, Prajakta. 🙂

  10. Pingback: Oops! | Anything is Possible!

  11. I loved reading your post JoAnna! It gives me a wistful feeling somehow. I’m not sure why, but I find this also happens when I listen to certain songs. I’m so happy for you and David!

  12. What an amazing story! It gives hope to someone like me, who’s looking… kinda… for that perfect fit. I’m so glad you wrote this post!! 😀

  13. I like what I’ve read so far. I am sure God has a plan for me but I am 72 and I wonder if I’ve missed something. Perhaps I am frightened that I might have to give up things I like and so I am not listening to what He is shouting into the innermost part of my heart.

  14. I loved this. I loved your writing, and I loved Roberta Flack’s intoxicating voice.

    Thank you for your openness. And your spirit.

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