I met my first love in the fall of 1971, when I was 16 years old. I felt like my heart would break when he had to move 700 miles back to Connecticut with his family. A lady I babysat for told me that if we were meant to be together, we would be. That helped.
As broken hearted as I was over my first boyfriend moving, after we’d only gone steady for about 7 months, suicide never seriously crossed my mind.
The first time I thought about suicide was in my early twenties. I thought about walking out in front of a truck. It had to do with the break up with another boyfriend, and not knowing what I was going to do with my life. ….But my younger sister had been killed by a drunk driver and that hurt my parents so much, I could not hurt them in that way. They didn’t deserve that much pain….
It’s a darn good thing I didn’t kill myself! Because I would have missed out on many joys and adventures. Countless joys, and countable sorrows that helped me learn and grow. I was happily married for many years, gave birth to two extraordinary children, climbed mountains, swam in the ocean, laughed and danced and learned to play the guitar and sing…..
When my 20 year marriage ended, I was depressed. A counselor asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I told her I could never consider doing that to my children and my parents. I just wanted the pain to stop. So I got into a sick, addictive relationship. I didn’t know it was sick and addictive at first, but being vulnerable, at a low, low point in my life, it was pretty bad. Thankfully it only lasted a year. Which was a year too long.
The second post divorce relationship I got into was better, but definitely not “the one.” By the third year in that second relationship, I realized that I was never really able to relax with the man.
The third time was a charm. I’d been single and celibate for 5 years, working on me, when my first boyfriend found me again (39 years later) when the time was perfect!
The second, first time I saw him, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest with joy. Our second, first date was magic! When my nose drifted to his neck and inhaled his natural scent, I felt intoxicated. My brain had imprinted the natural smell of my first love all those years ago. I still adore his subtle, almost imperceptible scent.
You never know what plans God had in store for you.
Don’t ever give up. Miracles happen!
Today’s Stream of Consciousness post prompt was to use an ordinal number, like first, second, third, ……
If you’d like to jump into the stream, start here:
Here are the rules:
1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.
2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.
3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.
4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours. Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.
5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.
6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!
7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.
8. Have fun!