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Rebound From Hell

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Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?

Well, considering the word, “never,” which I don’t like to use, then the answer would be yes. To have never loved at all, would be sad. But if we expand this question beyond romantic love, then who hasn’t loved some one or some thing?

In my post-divorce single years, trying to be cynical about love, I laughed out loud when I saw the following saying on T-shirt:

“It’s better to have loved and lost, than to live the rest of your life with a psychotic.”

I’m not saying my x husband suffered from psychosis. But my post-divorce rebound from hell probably did. Of course I didn’t know it when I met him. And neither did he. People are on their best behavior when we first meet them. And I was blinded by grief and codependency.

The rebound from hell contained one crisis after another. Thank God it only lasted a year, which was a year too long, though I feel like the delusional jealousy and emotional abuse took years off my life.  I am reclaiming those years, now!

To be perfectly honest, I wish I’d never loved him. The best thing that came out of that relationship was learning to have compassion for people who stay in unhealthy relationships too long.

Every relationship teaches us something we need to learn. I needed to learn to love and respect myself again. I needed know that I am loved and cherished by a Power greater than myself who brings me back to sanity. I had to learn to honor my own boundaries, to be ready for healthy love with some one else. Some one who is not  psychotic.

Not that I have anything against psychotic people. As long as they are getting therapy and/or working a recovery program, taking medications as prescribed (if prescribed), and can respect me and my boundaries, fine. We can hang out.

We all have broken places that need mending. We all have something to work on. We all need love. Good, healthy love.

Today, I celebrate my independence from co-dependence.

 

Linda’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday post prompt for today was “is.” And I got bonus points for using it at the end of a word :).

If you’d like to join in the fun, visit:

http://lindaghill.com/2015/07/03/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-415/

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The’,” or simply a single word to get your started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Author: JoAnna

An open minded, tree-hugging Christian, former counselor, and life-long lover of animals, I'm returning to my creative roots and have published my first book: Trust the Timing, A Memoir of Finding Love Again, available at amazon.com.

11 thoughts on “Rebound From Hell

  1. A toast to you for standing up to that. I realised I was a bit codependent myself and divested myself of any person who was attached to me for that reason. Interdependencies are good but these situations should help both parties to achieve bigger and better things. They’re trying to stick and make me a hypocrite, but I’m staying away. Healthy love. Amen.

    • Thank you for the affirmation. It was about 13 years ago, but it still haunts me at times, because it was so out of character for me. Today’s writing took me a little further in letting it go. And you are right to bring up the goodness of balanced interdependencies.

      • I really needed a good wholesome sharing, too. I appreciate your openness, thank you. I was saying to someone earlier that we can’t let a thing go until we’ve really let ourselves feel the emotional impact of it. It’s when we think we’ve set everything aside that this stuff comes flooding back. Here is to happier times!

  2. Reblogged this on Loving Me, Too and commented:

    Celebrating my independence from co-dependence with this Stream of Consciousness Saturday Post.

  3. I’ve witnessed a few dangerous relationships, and helped my sister to extricate herself from one. The problem I’ve observed with psychotic people is that they can be so charming, nice and helpful at times. But then there’s that dark side.

  4. I think it is so common to get into a not so great or worse relationship when you are on the rebound. So you are definitely not alone in that. It is very good that you got out of the bad one. And now you can bring your experience to work with your clients and their relationships.

  5. Thank you, Deborah. I never thought it would happen to me. But you’re right. It has helped me to relate to clients from personal experience, and they do appreciate that. I know that building self-esteem is a key, along with a healthy support network.

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