“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” – John Lennon
I’d like to go back in time, to 1972, just for a moment, when my first love had to move back to Connecticut. I want to tell my 16 year old self: It will be okay.
Next stop – 2001 after my husband left, to tell myself: I know this is a mountain you didn’t expect, but you’ll climb it. In time, it will be okay. Better than okay. Just wait! God has a plan.
For the first few years of this century, I longed for a partner who would be a good fit. Then, I wondered if there was such a thing, me being in my 50’s and all, so I started thinking I’d rather have my own kayak and settle for loyal companionship of dogs.
But in July of 2014, I found myself on an adventure with my first love, who, as you may know by now, became my second husband, the partner who is a good fit, who brought three more dogs into my home. Our home. (Lots of companionship here!) Anyway, Saturday we took our “new” tandem kayak out for a paddle around the small islands 20 miles south of our home.
After getting a good deal on the second hand tandem, someone said, “Oh, you got a divorce kayak.” Yikes! I guess tandems have a reputation for causing arguments.
So we watched this video:
David and I did great, considering it was his first time in a kayak, and it had been a couple years since I’d paddled. I had to trust him to steer from the back. It was my job up front to set the pace, and to communicate (as he patiently reminded me) if I was going to suddenly start paddling on one side to help him steer. I eventually left the most of the steering to him and gratefully let him paddle by himself a bit when I needed a break because my arms felt like rubber.
The temperature was about 90 degrees, so the droplets and splashes of water refreshed us. The sky was the bluest blue with giant cottony clouds. White ibis hunted in the marsh grass, and we got to see brown pelicans – up close and personal – pause in mid flight, watch the water, then dive for a fish. (Next time I’ll bring a waterproof camera.)
As we were driving home, tired but feeling ALIVE, with our kayak in the back of David’s truck – our truck, I realized how blessed I am.
That’s when I wanted to go to my 46 year old self, and just hold that confused and lonely woman with love. I want to somehow convey the message:
It’s going to be okay. Things are going to work out. You’ll see.
I wonder if my future self will want to come back in time to the present me when I’m worried about my grown kids dealing with their own challenges, or my own challenges, which are relatively minor these days, so she can say to me:
Don’t worry so much. Everything will be okay in the end. God has a plan.
What do you want to go back and tell yourself? Send a hug back through time.