It’s Okay to Marry Your Soul Mate.

1972 b&w kiss

Warnings not to marry your soul mate are trying to grab our attention lately.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brooke-hampton/dont-marry-your-soul-mate_b_6004132.html?love–sex

I let it go at first, but then said, “Wait a minute. It’s okay to marry your soul mate.” There are plenty of people who marry their soul mates and end up with long lasting, romantic relationships. It’s quite possible to be happily married to your soul mate, especially with some groundwork:

1. Look before you Leap. Unless you’ve known each other for a really long time, take the time to investigate your potential mate. When David and I started dating again, (thirty-nine years later) I told him a friend of mine was doing a background check on him. It was a promise I’d made to myself. He said he wanted to help me keep that promise and immediately offered to give me his social security number and anything else I needed. It takes time to find out what someone’s really like. It’s okay to follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

2. Develop and practice good communication skills. We have two ears and one mouth suggesting we should listen twice as much as we talk. Listen with objectivity, ask open questions, be assertive (not aggressive), and look for win-win solutions whenever possible.

3. Don’t expect perfection. A friend’s mother told her to “find a set of faults you can live with,” so she never got married. I can understand that. It’s okay not to get married. But if you do want to marry someone, know your deal breakers. Discuss your deal breakers.  Do your best to make sure you each talk about the things you want to work on.

4. Respect and support each other as individuals. I’ve never liked that expression about your “better half.” I’m not a half of a person, and neither is my husband.  We like sharing our hopes and dreams with each other, whether they’re dreams we have in common or as individuals. David is not that interested in creative arts or singing, and I’m not that interested in aqua-ponics or airplanes, but we support and encourage each other’s goals.

If you know my “About Me” story,  you might be thinking: she’s practically a newlywed. So, how does she know?

I know because I’ve seen true soul mate love last for other couples.  I know because I learned a few things after being married 20 years the first time, not to mention 20 something years as a counselor. I know, because of how my soul mate came back to me when the time was perfect.

The idea is that we  can have lots of “soul mates” who teach us what we need to learn seems to water down the meaning of the term. Those other people were teachers and guides. To me the term soul mate means more than that. Maybe we can have more than one, but not a whole slew of them.

What do you think?

The Last Mile

The Last Mile

JoAnne Silvia:

“Sometimes that last mile seems impossible, but it is during that last mile where you have to push the hardest.”

Originally posted on Me - Who am I?:

A few years ago, I climbed a nearby mountain with an elevation of over 14k feet. It was a challenge, but a very enjoyable one. The day started out at 3:30 in the morning, with the climb beginning at 6am. I was excited, ready, and full of energy.

The beginning of the climb was not what I had expected. It was very steep, with loose rocks that made the climb rather difficult. The shoes I chose to wear didn’t help matters, as they were typical running shoes, instead of hiking boots.

I pulled myself along, grabbing onto anything within arms reach, and finally made it through that first rough patch.

After that, although it was still a steady incline, the trail evened out and became easier. The view was stunning, and became even more beautiful as the elevation grew higher. It’s amazing to look out and be able to see…

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Hunger: Seeking to Fill the Void

JoAnne Silvia:

I didn’t want to believe that I was using food to cope with my feelings. But the moodiness, when I stopped eating compulsively, made it obvious. Thankfully, we can learn other ways to cope.

Originally posted on Loving Me, Too:

Pie with lattice crust

With the start cooler weather, and holidays on the horizon, I’ve caught myself getting excited about pie. Warm home made pie filled with healthy fruit or pumpkin with lots of cinnamon. But I have to be careful. Eating more than is good for me has been an issue off and on since adolescence. In the early 90’s I lost over 70 pounds with diet and exercise and a spiritual program. You know, the kind with steps. It worked like nothing else ever had. I guess I was ready. The first couple months I followed my food plan I was moody, almost depressed, confirming that I really had been using food to deal with my feelings. I think it was the spirituality that helped fill the void. A power greater than myself helped me meet my goal to eat only nutrient dense foods (no empty calories like soda, candy and alcohol.)

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Circles: A Stream of Consiousness Saturday Post on Shape

socs-badge

“Look with care for the shape of a square.” That children’s song from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, has been in my head all these years. Though the space ships that lured ? pulled the cute kid away were mostly round shapes. The beautiful mother ship certainly was round with spikey things. She was huge.

Squares can be useful, but I’m partial to circles. An art teacher I had in college said circles are feminine shapes. I think he was flirting with me at the time. I wonder if circles are attractive to me because of the shape of a mother’s breast. Could that shape that provides nourishment be an instinctive attraction? It would make sense.

But then, I just realized that most shapes in nature are circular. At least the important ones seem to be. The sun, the moon, flowers, faces, heads, eyeballs, pupils…… water crystals, snowflakes, our planet earth.

I can’t think of any square shapes in nature. Can you? There are angular shapes. Mountains are often triangular. Trees are tall but often have roundish tops.

Why are dishes traditionally round? Is it because it’s easier to make round shaped dishes and bowls and baskets? Clocks, birdbaths. But many man-made things are square or rectangular. TV’s, phones, appliances, buildings.

I wonder if there is some deep natural affinity we have for circles.

This SF tribute to the Close Encounters’ mothership is overflowing with circles and spheres:

(please ignore any ads.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JqDQXF58d0

In case you haven’t seen the movie, the cute kid gets returned safe and sound.

Thanks to Linda at

http://lindaghill.com/2014/10/17/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-october-1814/

for getting me to think about how much I love circles in this Stream of Consciousness Saturday post.

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. Have fun!

 

Memories from Dad: Nothing is Impossible

http://pixabay.com/en/photos/?q=boy+scouts&image_type=&cat=&order=best

My blog title “Anything is Possible” was inspired in part by my father.

When I was 12, Dad told me “Nothing is Impossible.” It was his response to my question about whether it was impossible for us to stay in North Carolina. He was about to retire from the Marine Corps and we were going to move again. I was so tired of moving. We drove up to Pennsylvania, but the deal fell though on the house and the moving van hadn’t even gotten out of the gate, so we headed back down south proving that anything is possible.

Recently I asked my dad, who’s now 83, where he got the “Nothing is Impossible” philosophy, guessing it had something to do with his 20 years in the Corps. But that wasn’t it. He told me he got it from his scout master, Earl Nelson.

When Dad was a boy in Wisconsin, his scout troop’s mission was to help plant Jack Pine seedlings near Bear Paw Lake.  The scouts had thousands of trees to plant over 20 acres that had been burned. Fifty boy scouts were supposed to be on site, but on the first day, only 15 showed up, including my dad, who said it couldn’t be done. They didn’t have enough scout power to plant all those trees. That’s when Dad first heard his scout master say, “nothing is impossible.”

Jack pine

Over the next five days, more scouts arrived, and they planted 150,000 trees. Earl Nelson apparently said “nothing is impossible” many more times after that.

I asked Dad if he ever thought about “nothing is impossible” when he was in the jungles of Vietnam. He said no. He was too busy.

I believe “Nothing is Impossible” was imbedded in him to the point that he didn’t have to think about it, and that he needed that belief most after he came back from Vietnam to help him figure out how to live with the horrors that haunted him, the ones he doesn’t talk about much because they still give him nightmares.

But he did say he used the motto when teaching classes on map reading. He explained to me all about how old maps, like the ones they used in Korea and Vietnam, become out of date because the earth moves. He explained about map grids. “Over 30 years, a building or a river bend can move into a completely different map grid,” he said.  One of his recruits said it was impossible to find anything with those old maps, and got the “Nothing is Impossible,” response from my Dad.

Then Dad, went on to explain that they used something called a  declination diagram at the bottom of the map to compensate for the movement of the earth. He said the declination diagram was developed after WW2 and after  Admiral Byrd’s confusion in the Arctic. compass-163722_640 pix a bay

My head was spinning about the earth moving like that and how much my dad knew. He never went to college and graduated from high school by taking night classes while he was in the Marine Corps. I was surprised to learn that he never made Eagle Scout. He said he was too busy.

Re-blogging about Very Hard Things

Sometimes computers are hard for me. Or maybe it’s just my I phone. When I tried to re-blog this post with my phone, other random post parts jumped in uninvited.  I deleted the post, and now, I’m starting over on the lap top.  But it says I already re-blogged the post. Oh Well, there’s always a way.

http://tonningsen.wordpress.com/2014/09/14/very-hard-things/comment-page-1/#comment-6973

I like the post from Eric Tonningsen’s blog because it gives three clear suggestions to help make coping with very hard things possible.

Like in January when I put my Golden Retriever, Jesse,  “to sleep.” I had no idea when I started to re-blog Eric’s post that I’d get to process some of this grief again, but that’s how grief is sometimes.

http://joannaoftheforest.wordpress.com/2014/01/04/ill-see-you-on-the-other-side/

I used Eric’s suggestions then and now.

I found, and still find, beauty in the memories of  our life together, Jesse’s protectiveness, and how he loved to swim.

I let family help me but asking my husband to carry some of the weight (figuratively and literally carrying Jesse when he couldn’t walk) and calling my father on the phone from the vet’s office to pray with us.

I had compassion for myself, reminding myself of all that I’d done to try to make Jesse comfortable, and that I would get through saying goodbye to him. I feel sad remembering this now, but after nine months, it has gotten easier: the waves of sadness do not come as often and they’re not as intense. (Deep breath.)

I would just like to add that, in my experience, God can help too. When I don’t feel like I have the strength to get through something, I ask:

“God help me, get through this,”

Courage comes to me from a power greater than myself.

I know I am never alone.

 

Snakes, Swans and Waterbugs

socs-badge

This is my first Stream of Consciousness Saturday post inspired by http://lindaghill.com/2014/10/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-october-1114/ with the prompt that we write about what ever comes to our mind first about the letter S.

Snakes come to mind first, but I really want to write about swans. I’m not as afraid of snakes as I am swans, but I’m more afraid of water bugs than snakes. Whenever I see a snake it seems to be trying to get away from me. It’s more afraid of me than I am it it. Just like waterbugs.  I stepped on a snake once in the woods. It was fat and grey and trying to get away. It did get away, unharmed I hope.

I have to remember I’m not supposed to edit. Just write what comes into my mind.

Yep, I’d rather write about swans. When I was in first grade we played with clay. I was really good at rolling the clay into a snake like shape with one end much wider and then fold it into a swan, pinching the other end for a beak. Everybody loved my swans. Yes, that’s a good memory.

My son used to have a pet snake. He fed it live mice. I don’t want to write about that though. I’d rather write and think about swans. Lovely peaceful swans, gliding along on top of the lake, mating for life, with their S shaped bodies. So I guess I’ll end with swans. Swans eating snakes. Stop! Don’t think about snakes! SWANS, SWANS, SWANS!

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…

Hey, that was fun!

Here are the Rules for SoCS Saturday:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing, (typos can be fixed) and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. There will be a prompt every week. I will post the prompt here on my blog on Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” or “Begin with the word ‘The’.”

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments, for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read everyone’s! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later, or go to the previous week, by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find right below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. Have fun!